Love and Happiness....

That's what you get...

2012-02-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

... when you let your heart win... woah oh oh oh!

I miss Paramore's RIOT! album, and it's nice to listen to it again... and it reminds me of all the happy memories last time, my last year in LifeTeen... can't believe it's been 4 years since I left LifeTeen, 4 years! All my generation are now already gone, who's left are all the juniors, I barely know any, except my cousin and sister's friends, and that's it... wow... time flies so fast...

Lately, realising something is over before it's even started is, well, honestly, heartbreaking... To know that I don't have a chance is really painful... Emotionally invested, in the end it doesn't make a difference... I thought as the year closed, and as we got closer, at least I had someone, even if she were to only be my friend, whom I could trust, and be close with, and I spent time talking to her on the phone, and texting her, and it seems like everything was going well... And now, we barely talk... I don't know why, ever since I decided I like her, I froze out, I couldn't talk much to her anymore, it seems like I have this fear that everyone hates me, they'll leave me, they'll hate me, etc. and I can't shake this feeling off... And it's affecting our friendship... And the thing is, I don't think she realises this at all...

Yes, I still like her, but I know it'll be hard for me to ever be with her, and I guess she only treats me as an older brother, or friend... In other words, friendzoned! haha! I wish I can talk to her and have a chance to clear things up... It seems nowadays she's very busy, and I hope she's not trying to avoid me... I always have this feeling that people are always trying to avoid me, and I hate myself for this... She's an awesome person, a good friend, and I'll never have anything bad to say about her, it's me that's the problem... I know I annoy you and hurt you, so I'm sorry...

I miss the times we texted and talked, even if it's as friends, I miss that, and I guess I just have to wait and pray...

Questions?

2012-02-03T09:39:00.000-08:00

It seems apt that a small symbol speaks so loud, the humble question mark, yet signifying so much in such a little package. Like a symbol of hope, or a symbol of inquiry, it brings itself along to many questions, that needs to be answered or not...

Don't get me wrong, it's been a wonderful start to the year, being close again to my 2 besties Aldric and Bianca, and I think time has definitely helped us to grow and bond together stronger... Every moment spent with them is a joy, and just loving it...

Which brings me to LifeNight just now, yes I'm now in LifeLine, (you would say) the natural progression from Lifeteen to Lifeline... Of course, me being not normal, took a different route, and I'm happy to say it was worth it ;) anyway, I had a nice session, and the prayers was nice, and funny enough the word they said out was "not alone" and that they said "you're not alone, you have friends around you" and I did felt that, I felt alone many times, I felt I didn't really have true friends, you know those that I often talk to, and when Derek said that, the first thing I saw was Aldric and Bianca, and they were 2 of my true friends, those that (ahem) never judge me or won't simply just leave, and I was touched =')

(edited; changes in circumstances dictate what goes out or not, and that's the way life goes...)

After a nice opening month, I guess I was overly optimistic and tried to go for things that were, in all honesty, out of my reach and out of my control... If it's never meant to be, then it never will... sometimes things are just out of our control, and we just gotta move on...

This is 2012!

2012-01-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

With 2011 barely behind me, and enjoying the whole December with loved ones, now 2012 is here already, barely 5 days old and I already had a great time! What better way to spend the new year then with loved ones :3 I spent the new year with my baby sis Bianca, and my parents, and I had a nice day out =) Then the next day, 2nd, I went to play badminton with my sis Cass and friends, and it's good to be back! Didn't play for 2 months, and now to play with the same gang again, its like we've never been away xD! Then I went to have a drink with Vivian... The 3rd was the best, coz I got to spend time with Koko Aldric and Baby Sis Bianca, and its been a long time since we were together, just the 3 of us, best friends, brothers and sisters! I'm so proud to have them around me, I really love them so much! After that, I went to play badminton with the same gang again, as well as today, 5th, and so already a packed 5 days, with more to come! 2012 has started great for me!

I'm so proud and blessed to have them as my bro and sis, my besties, from the day I know each of you, I've seen you grow, and I myself have also grown, and I'm proud of who you are now, and I pray we can be besties for life! =') even though we may not spend much time together, I love ya both so much and let's create many more memories to come! =D

2011: The Year In Review

2011-12-30T09:58:00.000-08:00

It seems that every year it gets longer and longer, and better and better! 2011 has been special, though not better than last year, but unique and memorable in its own way... The heartaches stood out, but out of it I learnt alot and moved on, and rediscovered some family relations, and closer than ever! 2011 started where 2010 left off, on New Year's Eve, crossing over to New Year's Day...

January
This new year was different, I spent it watching the countdown and fireworks at Waterfront, then a dinner with my schoolmates at Alvin's crib, perfect way to start off the year! Then next day it was the usual caroling thanksgiving dinner, with my groupies! Then hang out with Lotte, Queenie, Joey and pals, RAY twice, and the Korean choir visit to SHC, what a nice way to start the year xD!

February
It was Chinese New Year, so busy preparing and receiving (ahem!), had another RAY session, and then hangout with Aldric, Queenie and Sherilyn! then later on we had a bigger hangout with Joey, Lotte, Queen, Lyn, and their mates Marjorie, Adrian, Jazli and Kevin... Ended the month with another RAY session, and more to come ;)

March
My Birthday month! for the first time, I managed to celebrate my birthday properly with a nice simple dinner with my besties, all those that I really want to be with, and I loved every single minute of it! It was just a dream, an absolute joy! Then it was LifeTeen mini bazaar, went to support them and meet my mates... It was a joy to organise this dinner, and to celebrate my day with the ones that matter =') 14th of March, my sis Charlene returned home from PLKN, and then we went out with Joey and her sis Lotte to catch up and have a chat =) then we celebrated my sis Cassandra's birthday with a simple lunch =) after that it was IU Day, and LifeTeen Youth Camp 2011 concert/finale, which I went to attend and watch =) the month ended with a class outing to Suria, and it was to be a start of many class outings ;)

April
April Fools' Day, normally no one would be doing anything for fear of pranks, but this day, it was memorable, went for a photoshoot with my besties =) then there was a suprise farewell party for my bestie Johenson, a surprise that went well, stayed the whole night out... then 15-17 April, we had a RAY Lenten Retreat at Pace Bene, a return to where I went in 2009, so it was nice... It was a very moving, speechless retreat, and one that was not to be missed... then Easter was here, and the usual triple mass, to fully grasp the Easter weekend... Then another bestie of mine, Jerome was leaving for studies too, so had a farewell for him at his place and then one dinner out with the gang... So I ended April wishing Joey and Jerome all the best for their studies...

May
Roger Wang and Friends! lovely concert by Roger and friends, loved it alot! wonderful repetoire of skills and talents on show, leaving me wanting more by the end of the concert! Then had the LJCCC Mother's Day celebration, along with TOB session, and this time it was the turn of Lotte and Lene to further their studies... I had a besties day out with Angelica at 1Borneo, spent the whole day there, and it was awesome! :3 hehe... The month ended with celebrating Ka'amatan with my bros and sis =)

June
RAY Holy Spirit Camp! The highlight of the month, without a doubt, but this year it was a little different... Because the camp clashed with my finals, I drove up on the 2nd day straightaway! It was a different and new experience, and it was exciting! haha! as usual, it brought so many memories, and healings, renewals, and a chance to start over again... Bundu Tuhan is such a blessed and wonderful place, always brings a tear to the eyes and heart :3 after returning from the mountains, I went to the 2011 KK Jazz Fest, and my friends from SIA performed, it was nice! Enjoyed the whole night, complete with furious stuff from the performers! The month ended with RAY as usual, and right at the end, a surprise day out with Lorenzo and Anthea =)

July
This was the month where there were a few big happenings, after all it was my holiday xD! All Saints Bazaar was the start of July, and I went alone, and caught up with few friends, but walked around mostly like a lonely soldier! HAHA! Then Lifeline Camp from 8-10 July, and had a great time, obviously great place, and loved the camp, brilliant! After returning from the mountains, I had an outing with my schoolmates on 11th and 12th, back to back xD! Then it was RAY Anniversary, and it was an awesome night, I enjoyed it from start to finish, just one of those perfect nights, absolutely lovely, and I couldn't ask for more! It was on 15th night, and 16th morning I flew straight away to KL to watch Liverpool FC in action that night! So from 15th night all the way to 16th night, I think I didn't sleep or rest at all, just one flat out journey! It was well worth it! I got to watch LIVERPOOL! how many people can say that? :D I was in KL from 16-21, and managed to spend a day with Evelyn and my aunt Jenette, and then a day with ma besties Joey, Jerome and Ryan! It was simply great!

August
The month was a slow one, until the end, that is xD! I spent a day with my childhood friends and cousin, Serene, Grace, Kevin, Samuel and Mich at Millenium... then had one last night out with my schoolmates before they went their separate ways, and it was nice to be able to meet them all again before they left =) but now some are back! hehe... there was a Pro-Life talk by Dr. Ligaya on 13th, at SHC, from afternoon till night, and it was an eye-opener... then on 26th, my besties Joey and Lotte came back, so we hang out wit Cass, and it was a nice day out... This month was also the start where I began to play badminton regularly with my sis Cass and friends, almost everyday, until November when everyone, including me, was busy...

September
Perfect start, a day out with the family on 2nd! :3 with Joey, Lotte, Lene, Cass, Ad, and Ameera! Our plan was actually to go to Atmosphere, but it was closed, so we stayed awhile, then diverted to 1Borneo, and we spent the evening and night there, and for the 1st time, me, Cass and Meera went home by bus, while the rest followed Jo, and it was a new experience xD! On 9th, I went to Jon Paradise's album launch at D'Junction, with Dang Bandangs and friends in the house! Then the longest day, on 16th September, a day I'll remember for both good and bad ;) I spent the whole day from morning to night away, and at night was exhausted! The next day we had a visit to CDC, where we visited the seminarians on behalf of RAY, and it was cool to see their experience and how their journey to priesthood is =)

October
October was kinda busy yet quiet month, all I had was badminton sessions and study times with ma sis... There was the SHC Bazaar, and I went the whole day to support, especially Lifeteen's booth =) I got to know some new friends, among them Vivian and Bian, as well as my old pal Jiwan! =) then my 2 classmates, Eve n Steph were in the INTIMA 17th batch, and we joined in the installation ceremony, very nice xD! Then the monthly RAY fellowship, and my classmate Eve's birthday lunch =) Overall, October was to be the end of one thing, and it signalled a big change in my life coming up...

November
November rain was the tone for the start, it was indeed raining personally for me, but the month ended well, it was this time of difficulty that I discovered and learnt something, and got close to my cuz Elvina, I'm really thankful she's there for me everytime, and although we're distant cousins (maybe) but we're close, and I really appreciate it... November was also the start of caroling practice, and RAY was the first to practice, followed by LifeTeen, eventually I joined the latter... My cousin Marcello got married on 17th, and on 25th was my bestie's sis Alethia's birthday party, together with my cuz Vina =)

The big one was on 26th, LifeTeen 7th Anniversary, and to return to where I used to be, used to go, and used to follow, it was an emotional return, and I enjoyed every minute of it, just the experience, it was a perfect night as well... Congratulations to Lifeteen, 7 years and counting! The last day was the first day we practiced for caroling, and I followed my cousins and besties in Jude Lopez's group, which set up a fantastic time ahead!

December
THE BEST MONTH! Carolling, outings with besties, family and friends, and most of all, CHRISTMAS! What more can I ask for? One caveat: it was my finals, final exams, but I didn't care, I wanted to have fun and spend time with my besties and cuzzies, and I did! My exams went well, thank God =) My exams was from 13th to 20th, and I guess it went well... Didn't really think much about it, I only wanted to do it and that's it!

I joined Jude Lopez's gang, the 'hobbits' as he calls us, and it was fun! We started caroling on 5th until 12th, and luckily my exams was on 13th till 20th, yet in between I went here and there, really awesome! We went caroling around KK High, Kepayan, Lido around there for 6 nights, and every night was a different experience, and those moments, truly unforgettable! My caroling group was just awesome, down to a man, all top class! It was just awesome to be able to bond with my cuzzies and besties, and spreading the Good News, and carol, and celebrate the Advent season this way =) Each night during caroling was just unique, and I will forever treasure those memories in my heart!

During the month, despite the exams, I actually went out alot and spent time with friends and family alot! I went out with Jaime, Duane and Joshua on 11th, and that night I went to Logos with my parents, on the last night, and I'll miss the ship alot, didn't really get time to really explore the whole ship =( One day I'll remember, a day out with my cuzzie Vina, Abby, Sasha, Jaime, Ony, Steph and Wesley on the 16th, best day out! Those days will never be forgotten <3

RAY were invited to carol at Kompleks Karamunsing on 17th, 21st and 23rd, and I went to watch all 3 days, as well as joined on 21st, awesome! RAY Christmas Dinner was on 18th, and it was a nice night, had fun, and helped out as much as I can =) Then 22nd, I went to meet my ex-Lifeteeners, my batch, at Up2U, and had drinks over chats about Lifeteen, and 23rd we went to Anthea's house with Lorenzo, Lornetha and Jonathan for a jam session/cover session, and stayed till morning! 24th, I had a day out with my besties Joey, Lotte, Lene, and Adriana, and we went out and straight to Christmas Eve mass at Sacred Heart! It was a long day, but a very fun day!

Christmas Day, I spent the day with my family, then went to Joey's grandparents' open house, and spent some time there! hehe... Then I met up with him again before he left on 27th, for a while in Millenium, and like that he was off... Didn't get to spend time with Jerome though, coz he was back for a very short time, few days, so didn't get to meet... Then on 28th, my cousin Bryony, her school organised a Masquerade Prom, so I went with my cousin Elvina, Abigail, and pals Duane, Jaime and Melissa, and it was a fun night, at 1st it was OK2, then free booze! xD! I didn't have any though, didn't want to drink again =) But I enjoyed the night, especially it was the last time I could spend time with my cuz Vina before she needs to study for SPM, and my friend Jaime who was going back to Singapore =)

On 29th, me and my friends Lorenzo, Jonathan, Lornetha, Gerald, and Deborah spent a night in Anthea's place again for some drinks and just hang out, and enjoyed the whole night, and what happened that night stays in that night ;) haha! The month and year finally winded down with enjoying the final day, and staying home while watching the fireworks and texting my cuzzie Vina and pal Vivian through the last minutes of 2011 and first minutes of 2012!
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Overall, I had a great year, filled with ups and downs, and I learnt so much in 2011... I think every year end we'll always say the same thing, that we learnt from mistakes, that the moments help shape who we are, and I think that's true... I learnt so many lessons the hard way, got to know who my true friends were, and actually, I never lost any friends, it's just that either I'm too shy or I didn't dare to reconnect with old pals, and now I'm starting to bit by bit, open up... I'm generally a shy person, despite my extrovert nature, and I'm slowly changing that... 2011 was a defining year, and 2012 will be great! Of course, there will be more lessons, more memories, more ups and downs, its how we react and how we respond to each and every one if it that defines who we are, who I am... So, adios 2011! You'll always be in my heart!

Christmas 2011!

2011-12-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2012!

This Christmas season, and December overall, has been an absolute blast! Even though my exams were on, it didn't stop me from having fun, spending time with besties, cousins, family and friends, caroling together with the best group ever, so wacky, fun, and awesome! I just love ya all! And to have hangouts with my friends, the memories of December 2011 will live long in the memory!

Here's to a blessed 12 days of Christmas!

The wonderful memories of caroling! These are just a handful of the selected pictures!

Not forgetting the wonderful day out with them! <3

Here comes the rest of our lives...

2011-12-23T12:08:00.000-08:00

it's 4 am, and i should really be asleep, but I just can't sleep, and thoughts are in my mind... I really miss my sis Bianca, I miss how close we were, how we used to share stuff with each other, and being what brothers and sisters should be... I wonder if she ever misses me at all... somewhere somehow along the lines, something went wrong, and I guess things happen for a reason, still I miss her... thanks to people who spread lies and false pretenses and rumors, our brother-sister relationship was affected... yeah... I hate it when I'm really close with a bestfriend or sister, and people think differently... and I just feel sad when I'm so close to someone, then next thing, it's like we're strangers or no longer close, it hurts... I don't blame anyone, I just miss the times and the moments... but as we all know, life goes on... so here comes the rest of our lives...

Dealing with loss..

2011-12-02T08:52:00.001-08:00

I don't know why, suddenly I have this urge to write about dealing with pain, loss of a loved one, and some things... if for any reason you find this too sad to read, move on... I'm serious...

I used to hear this song when I was younger, but I never knew what it meant... It's a very personal and emotional song by Sting about his father's death, and even listening to it, I could feel the sorrow and I cried... it's that moving... I mean, who wouldn't be sad if their parents passed away? (touchwood) I'm actually scared of when the day comes when I'm gonna be alone and independent, hope it'll be a long time away when I have more experience and more mature... anyway, here goes the song...

Under the dog star sail
Over the reefs of moonshine
Under the skies of fall
North, north west, the stones of Faroe

Under the Arctic fire
Over the seas of silence
Hauling on frozen ropes
For all my days remaining
But would north be true?

All colors bleed to red
Asleep on the ocean's bed
Drifting in empty seas
For all my days remaining

But would north be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Dark angels follow me
Over a godless sea
Mountains of endless falling,
For all my days remaining,

What would be true?

Sometimes I see your face,
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say,
That, "I loved you in my fashion"?

What would be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?

So yeah... sometimes in certain societies, it's very hard to effectively communicate love between parents and children, and what he's saying in this is that, sometimes the father would say "I loved you in my fashion" as if to say I loved you this way, and it's very touching...

So tell your mum n dad you love them, and treasure your loved ones, family, and never let go of them... I know I haven't been the perfect son, the perfect person, I make mistakes as well, and I know how hard it is to live this life...

How do you deal with the loss of a loved one? Do you weep and moan everyday, or move on and live your life the best way possible and make them proud? I'm sure you know the answer... Of course, human nature can sometimes dictate otherwise and have the tendency to still grief, and I think I myself don't know in the future...

I guess there's a reason why I wrote this, and pray to God that everything will be alright...

One story remains...

2011-11-30T08:57:00.001-08:00

After all these years, sometimes I wonder, will anyone ever like me for who I am? every time I like someone or have a crush on someone, it always never works out, and I must say every night I still wonder, when will the time be right? It's kinda depressing to go to bed every night thinking 'no one will ever like a fat loser like me, always this and that' and so on in my head... I know I'm a good friend, but will anyone ever see me as more than that? I wish I can be with my crush now, I can't say who (obviously!) and I wish she knows...

Of Castles and Relationships

2011-11-23T08:27:00.001-08:00

I know, the title's pretty lame, and it's a giveaway that I love watching the show 'Castle' and watching how the writer Rick and detective Kate's relationship go on and off through their work... I just love watching the show, how the drama unfolds, how their relationship progress each time, and watching the newest episode was pretty intriguing, yet gave me lots of food for thought... In the latest one, they were talking about moving on and dealing with past issues, and we need to make peace with it and not let it hinder you... I think that's pretty relevant in my life right now...

It's not easy having to face our very own insecurities, faults, and trying to make peace with our past, especially when it's very painful and emotional... I admit, I do have few issues that I need to deal with, have closure, make peace with it and move on... and it's hard, especially when it comes to your closest friends and loved ones... I guess for my part, I really need some closure, at least settle things with some people... There are still few unresolved issues that need to be made peace with, and of course I can't say it here, it's private, but what I can say is that I just can't believe I'm having to deal with this, but then again life's no smooth ride...

To have someone very close to me, for a long time, trying to avoid me instead, and yet showed up in front of my face trying to hide it, is very painful... I know about this, I don't know whether that person know I know... confused? You should be! haha! When I needed that person, when I was in hospital, and miles away from home, that person didn't even care, like I was an annoyance rather than a close friend, which hurts... Look, I chose to forgive and move on, but the fact is that still hurts...

I don't know, ever since these few issues, as I've said in my last post, nowadays I find it hard to communicate with people, trust anyone again, live a normal life, it's like I'm always living in fear, fear of being left behind or betrayed again, fear of being judged every single detail, and I just can't have proper relationships now... sigh... I'm retreating ever deeper and deeper into a shell... One day I'll have to deal with all of this and move on, and I hope I can find someone who trusts me, and I can trust, to help me... I'm ready...

Pearly whites

2011-11-22T07:47:00.001-08:00

After a challenging few days, heck month, when all that seemed to go wrong around me did, but what went right as well... Last Wednesday I literally walked out of class and nearly had a mental breakdown, I was just so tired of studying, studying, studying non-stop for a year, and I'm having mental burnouts, and I just cant understand (well, actually I do, but I'm just tired!) and I need a break! this was supposed to be my break, but no, exams are during carolling, and ends just days before Xmas... and how now am I supposed to go balik kampung or have my plans? January I start again, I don't really have a break, do I?

With that in mind, I set off on a long walk alone, trying to calm myself down, figure out what am I gonna do, and how I'm gonna cope, and well, just go with it... I just need some time alone, away from everyone and everything, away from technology and studies... looks like I can't have that, exams coming... what can go wrong, has gone wrong... studies going down, and yet people keep saying "im smart, i'll score" but the truth is, I'm not, I can't, and I need to work harder...

But, what can gone right has gone right too... for starters, I met my old bestie Jiwan, and I'm so happy to see her again, because she's the best friend anyone can have, and anything I can just talk to her and all... carolling practice also has started, and that has lifted my spirits to persevere through this tough times... and Lifeteen Anniversary is coming, I can't wait! A huge part of my life was in that very ministry where I grew up and learnt alot... I'll forever remember and be thankful for them!

Lately, ever since this year, where people that I'm close with have, at different times, had misunderstandings with me, and now I find it very hard to trust anyone nowadays, and I find it very hard to be close with anyone, I'm scared they'll hurt me or turn their back on me the moment I become close and then things fall apart... I want to trust, I want to have proper friendships again, and after that, I just want someone to be there for me whenever I need 'em... Is it so hard to ask?

Inclined to write...

2011-11-12T08:23:00.001-08:00

It's been a long time, and it's Sunday morning now, and Monday I have a test, I should be really studying, but I'm here, writing off another chapter of a very complicated and chaotic life, like the very twists and turns of a rollercoaster, only more violent and surprising... a cinematic view of what's it like to be in my life or in any of the millions of this world...

Well what changed from last time? It seemed like nothing could go wrong, I had trusted people by my side, and in a swoop, everything changed... yes, it's my fault, I apologised, and silence fills the air where words previously filled it... It's amazing and at the same time very heartbreaking to suddenly experience this... I really miss my bestfriend, she means the world to me... But if God has a plan for me, and it involves no longer being friends with her, I'll just have to trust Him and move on... Have faith and persevere =) I'll certainly cherish all the happy moments and times I spent with her... I pray I will be friends with her again, but time will tell...

It's been a challenging time, and I even broke down and cry the day that happened... and now I'm still on the brink but holding on... Trying to be more optimistic and enjoy life... In that sense I guess I've matured alot, no longer dwelling on the past... sure, it hurts, but what's the use to keep on replaying it? I prefer to remember happy memories and cry, for those are tears of happiness and blessings... Such as my time in Lifeteen 2006-2008, it always will be forever a special time and will never forget =')

Nothing lasts forever in the cold November rain, sang Axl Rose of Guns 'N Roses, and I guess that's true... now I'm not justifying his rock n roll excesses of the band, but just that line muscially... November started off with that heartache... here's to a better ending... lately I had kinda of a little crush, but I guess that wont last long, as usual guess she likes someone else, so no chance for me here... another journey along the single life... sigh...

At the end of the day, life goes on... It's all up to you to choose whether to live it with the pain or the opportunism that awaits tomorrow... here comes the rest of your lives, so live it well...

All about...

2011-10-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

... besties! haha! Well, yeah, I'm happy! But it's not what you think why... No, I haven't got a girlfriend, far from it! It's just that I'm happy I'm close with those whom matter, my closest friends, cousins and siblings... Over time I've realised and learnt who were my true friends, and nothing is ever rosy or smooth sailing... There will be times when we argue, have differences, but at the end of the day, we're still best friends, and I'm glad and happy I've gotten closer to those whom I truly appreciate and care for!

Yeah, lately I've discovered and learnt alot, through the dark times, the pain, and from the bottom of the pit, I've managed to climb back up, and hopefully this time I won't fall back down so easily... I've just gotta stay focused, positive, just think nothing's gonna go wrong, and that they're there for me, and I'm there for them! Hopefully this time I'm gonna continue learning and appreciating whom I have now... I don't care I don't have a girlfriend, I'm just happy to have them! =D

Lately I've been hainging out with my sis and bestfriends, and it's nice to actually be with people that I can trust, talk to no worries, and actually not like that person! haha! I'm actually closer to girls than guys, 'cause it seems I can trust them more and connect with them =) but of course there are my guy bestfriends from school and life ;) so I guess equal balance also... haha! Hanging out and studying, playing games, and just having fun and studying at the same time, it's nice man! After all the drama and problems I had this year, just to have this is already great! I thank God I have such wonderful besties! ^^

Thank God that I have such wonderful people around me, and I really appreciate them so much! Here's to everyone! ^^

Waiting for the end...

2011-10-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty's within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
I'm holding on to what I haven't got
I'm holding on to what I haven't got

This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty's within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it let it all disappear...

Cool song from Linkin Park, one I'm thinking of doing live... but I need a band or at least a backing track and a partner to sing the other part, as with Chester and Mike... hmmm... excited thinking about it! XD!

Far From Heaven

2011-10-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

No one truly has the answers
Every day I struggle through it once more
Keep things bottled up, never speaking my mind
Misinterpreted, I'm doing just fine


Every day I put a brave face on, serves me well
Feeling helpless, facing it alone, hard to tell
That I can change who I am, how I feel, there's no end

I have done what you asked of me

Leaves me nothing to live for

Coming undone, way too high a price I should pay
You keep your pride while I die inside every day
No I can't lie anymore, won't pretend I've done all I can

You can't imagine the hell I'm going through
Not asking you to save me
I'm too far from heaven

Nothing you can do to change me
But accept me as I am...

A beautiful song by Dream Theater, and I think it perfectly encapsulates

 how I feel about someone, and I wish that person knew, but of course it

would be a personal disaster if I were to ever say it! So what better way

to express it then with a song... Best way...

Hennessy Artistry

2011-09-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

GRABYOURSELF A GLASS OF HENNESSY V.S.O.P KK, H-ARTISTRY IS COMING TO TOWN!

Malaysia’s most talked about party is set to make onlyits second appearance in the East Coast. Promising a colourful blend of music,delectable Hennessy V.S.O.P long drinks and a party atmosphere that is secondto none, H-Artistry ‘The Global Art of Mixing’ will be storming throughWhiteRoom, KK Times Square on September 24.

This time around, with an expected crowd of 800sophisticated clubbers, the upcoming H-Artistry party promises to enthralparty-goers to an explosive partying experience where sights, sounds, andtastes will collide.

With collaborative performances, visualstimulations and new digital interactions, H-Artistry promises to surprisefolks with a contemporary clubbing platform that is bold, daring and fresh,culminating in the ultimate blend of urban sounds and cultures that cometogether through the ‘Art of Mixing’ electrifying performances that will leaveguests awestruck and craving for more.

To top it off, party goers can look forward tosavouring some fresh delectable flavours of four Hennessy V.S.O.P signaturelong drinks – Hennessy Apple, Hennessy Ginger, Hennessy Berry and Hennessy Citrus.

Its famed interactive platform, the HennessyMixing Zone will also mark its return and will feature three fun, engaging andexperiential zones:

Hennessy Mixing Bar – a bar where fans will be taught how to mix any of the four signature Hennessy V.S.O.P long drinks (Hennessy Citrus, Hennessy Berry, Hennessy Ginger, and Hennessy Apple)

Hennessy Music Mix Synth — where revellers will be given the chance to create their own tunes by selectively choosing to place 15 circular cubes on a react table (each cube represents a different music element, i.e: guitar, drums, etc) to allow them to experience the true meaning of “The Global Art of Mixing” through the blending of their very own tunes.

Hennessy iMix Challenge – an area where party-goers can try their hands at Hennessy’s newly developed iPad game which requires guests to slice up ingredients which are found in Hennessy V.S.O.P’s signature long drinks. The top 5 high scores screened on an LCD leaderboard will each take home a bottle of limited edition Hennessy V.S.O.P Helios.

Party-goers who register themselves for the upcomingH-Artistry party at WhiteRoom on www.h-artistry.com.my/facebookwill also receive a Hennessy ID Tag, a radio-frequency identification (RFID)wristband which allows them to log on to their respective Facebook accounts andpost their activities at the Hennessy Mixing Zone as status updates or‘check-in’ into the party whenever they scan their Hennessy ID Tags onto areader located at each zone. For example, guests will be able toinstantaneously tag photos of them on their Facebook profile simply by scanningtheir tags on a reader whenever they had their pictures taken at the HennessyInteractive Photowall.

Revellers can also keep a look out for theHennessy Mobile Photo Tagging team who will be making their way around thevenue to snap pictures of party-goers. Photos that are taken can then be editedto resemble a magazine cover whereby guests will also be able toinstantaneously tag their pictures on their respective Facebook profiles.

On the music front, the H-Artistryparty in KK promises to provide East Malaysians with a never before seenrevolutionary clubbing experience through its colourful mish-mash of music artistryand the blending of different musical genres from both KL and Bangkok.

Headlining the night is DJ RoxyJune from Bangkok,a self taught DJ with an enormous talent. Roxy’s rise to fame started out onthe club circuit in Thailandand for seven years, pushed her unique sounds through the Thai undergroundscene. Over the years, she has risen up the ranks to become one of Thailand’s best female DJ icons, having alsotoured Japan, Singapore and Hong Kongwith her music. Armed with her sexy looks and an incredible ProgressiveElectro-House set, DJ Roxy promises to blow the roof off WhiteRoom comeSeptember 24.

Stayingtrue to H-Artistry’s innovative approach of blending different musical genrestogether, the upcoming party will also see Malaysia’s very own acclaimed singer-composer Reshmonutake on the famed H-Artistry stage. Multi-talented and award-winning Reshmonuforged a career in the Malaysian English music scene virtually single-handedly,going from humble beginnings as a sound engineer to becoming one of the most recognizablefaces in the Malaysian English music industry over the past five years. Knownfor his talents in singing, writing, producing, arranging and engineering hisown music, he has since established himself as the premier English Languagemarket entertainer in Malaysia.Among some of his standout credentials include performances for Alicia Keys,Prodigy, Pussycat Dolls and Ryan Star of RockstarSupernova. Together with hisR&B prowess, Reshmonu will be looking to heat up the H-Artistry stage inWhiteRoom.

Joining him on the H-Artistry stage is the AstroSpinmaster 2010 Champion, DJ Reeve whose passion in the world of turntabalismstarted at the tender age of just 19. In just over four years, Reeve hasbrought his performances on to new heights by combining his unique sounds ofHip-Hop, R&B, and Club Classix. He has also shared the decks with superstarDJs such as DJ Stanley (Aus), DJ Tydi (Aus), DJ Ono (of the Bangkok Invaders)and Thomas Schumacher (Germany) and currently spins with his mentor, DJ Goldfishat Zouk’s 4Play 2.0. Making his debut on the H-Artistry stage, DJ Reeve is lookingto conquer the dancefloor at H-Artistry through some of the most infectious andaddictive tunes the country has ever heard.

Bringingto life its trademark repertoire, ‘The Global Art of Mixing’, revellers canalso expect to be blown away by H-Artistry’strademark special collaboration performances by all three acts. Trulyone-of-a-kind, party-goers can look forward to experiencing the blending ofmusic at its best.

Withmore than just music reverberating through the clubs’ walls, H-Artistry ‘TheGlobal Art of Mixing’ is where music and drinks find the perfect match. Theblending of different musical genres provides the core essence, while theversatility of Hennessy V.S.O.P mixed in the form of its signature long drinksprovides the inimitable spirit to complete the distinct ultimate clubbingexperience.

Aglobal musical phenomenon, H-Artistry ‘The Global Art of Mixing’ parties alsotakes place in some of the largest cities around the world which includes New York, Shanghai, Taipei, and Los Angeles. Among some of the big names who haveperformed at these international parties includes Ciara, The Roots, MikePosner, Alexandra Burke, Harlem Yu, Jay Chou, Jacky Cheung, and Sammi Cheng.The parties in Malaysiahave also been nothing short of impressive. Locally, the event has in the past,featured a host of star-studded performers such as Flo-Rida, KardinalOffishall, Shayne Ward, Boys Like Girls, The Ying Yang Twins, Da Mouth, andmany others.

Passesto the H-Artistry ‘The Global Art of Mixing’ parties are by-invitation only. Tostand a chance to be invited to the upcoming party in WhiteRoom, visitH-Artistry’s official Facebook fan page at www.h-artistry.com.my/facebookto register. Registrations close 1 weekbefore the actual date of the event.

Alternativelyto receive updates about the upcoming parties follow H-Artistry on Twitter: www.h-artistry.com.my/twitter. TheH-Artistry party in WhiteRoom, Kota Kinabalu is strictly open to non-Muslimguests aged 21 years and above only. IDverifications will be carried out at the door.

The grace within ourselves

2011-09-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Is life simply an illusion?
A never ending dream
Clutching at straws and pieces
The vision of the great dream

Time waits for no man
Don't you ever think how we'd ever live
Past our experiences and fears
Progressing our lives along

If we ever flash back to the days
Where we lived and loved like no one else did
Every passing thought was just an idea
Without the burdens and pressures of the world

What if we'd lived differently
Wasted our time so we think
Well all those are just a waste of regrets
No use crying over spilt milk

When we hear the music playing
What do we ever think?
Will we be happy or sad
When all of this is over?

(I wrote this after inspired by Dream Theater, and some conflicting emotions and experiences I've had this past month especially, and past year...)

Intrigue and mystery

2011-09-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

Intrigue and mystery have always seem to captivate me, and the mystery behind certain people even more so... they say eyes are windows to the soul, and I instantly remembered Steve Vai's tune, and it says: "In your eyes I found comfort and peace. The treasure of and endless ocean of love lies in your soul, behind the windows that are your eyes," and it was very eye-catching (excuse the pun), and it seem to capture this wonderful day I had with my loves, yet with a feeling of intrigue and an air of uneasiness that surrounds us all...

Personally, I would say this has been the best week ever! From last Friday (26 August) till today (2 September), I had so much fun, excitement, pleasure, and more importantly, I spent time with my best friends and people that I really love, and love to do things together! And I'm so happy that I'm close again with my friend, my sis, my badminton partner Cass, and I consider her one of my besties! After everything that I went through this past few years, it's so happy and thank God that we're close again, and I pray that we can stay close and if anything happens, at least be honest to each other.. Forgive and forget the past, and look forward to the future!

I think this past week I had been having fun non-stop everyday and I'm really happy! I just want this holidays to be longer, and I don't want to return to college! But now, thanks to ma buddy, I can look forward to doing well in class... It's great and fun to have a bestie as a training partner, and fitness buddy, so at least we can motivate each other and remind each other of our diets and excercises... And this has been going on for the past 3 weeks, and hopefully by the end of the year I'll be fitter! yeah!

One thing I just realised as I wrote this, a month plus ago I wrote that how much I missed my sis Cass, and now we're close again! Thank God for answering my prayers! I'm so so so happy and blessed! =D

Honestly...

2011-08-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like so down now, I feel like I'll never have you in a million years, we'll never be together, no one will ever be with me, no one will ever like me, and if I say I like someone, that person will run a million miles away... Sounds familliar?

People can talk with you, but not me... You will answer people's calls, but not mine... I hate the fact that my heart's always unsure, always afraid of getting hurt again, and all... It's hard, I've never had a couple before, so I don't know what to do... Call it stage fright, call it nerves, call it butterflies in the stomach, but there I go...

So what next?

Just going along...

2011-07-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

... with the story that comes with a dream and a realisation...

Lately things are fine, thank God... yeah, life can be a challenge, but stay positive, believe, and keep the faith... In life nothing is certain, nothing is ever black nor white, there's always this grey area, and we always exploit this grey area until it becomes either one... It depends on which side are we on... Question is, whose side are we on?

I don't think anyone ever reads my blogs, which I'm fine with, but then again people don't ever see the other side of me, reflective, emotional, thoughtful, insightful... They think I'm this hyperactive friendly guy whose childish, that always talks alot, and is kinda of a teacher's pet, but they don't see how I am outside or the other part of me... Well they don't know what they're missing =P haha!

Tell me who doesn't miss people that they love, and I'll tell then to fork off... Of course I miss my siblings, my friends... Of course I miss the moments I spent with them, and if course I wanna spend time together with them again, and just be with them... But people seem to make such a big deal out of it, as if I'm some kind of guy who has it better... Lemme tell you something, I miss them, I love them and I wish they're here now... If you think this is childish, then you're wrong, simple as that... This is family...

Nowadays I'm aware of being grown up, less childish, but sometimes we fall, we're human, who doesn't make mistakes? So give me a break, and let me grow in my own space... What I need nw is support, love and care, and I'm glad my siblings are there for me when I need them... I know I've disappointed and let them down, but I still love them and try my best to be a better person...

I kinda miss my sis Cass, I mean I miss the times we spent, and we used to be close last time, but as time passes, I don't know, for me I still consider us close, but I wonder how she thinks... I think she's been a good sis, she's told me things straightforward, no bulls... and I guess I needed that, I need that honest straight opinion... It sometimes hurts, but better honest then lies I say... Guess I need that talk now...

In this world that will tear you up and eat you, it's how u react after having that punch in the face that determines how you will live, and I can say after being punched, tossed, turned, stabbed and hurt so many times, despite all the tears, all the pain, all the hurt, I'm stronger than ever... Yes, there will be tears and spills, but all this will make me a stronger person...

Same Old Story

2011-06-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

The blues has come again... this time I hope it won't be anything serious...

Just when I'm so happy and all my burdens lifted, then poof! comes another challenge... No matter, will pray and hope that it will soon be all over... Just that sometimes patience is a virtue... and I'm sure I'm more experienced now not to make the same mistake twice now...

When I was in problem, I had some amazing and blessed people around me, and I'm kinda sad now that I'm not able to contact most of them, either busy due to studies, or can't communicate, or somehow things got complicated... The last part is always the trickiest...

I miss how things were before with some besties, like we're so close and like family, but now we seem like strangers... Honestly, I miss my sis Bianca, and yeah I miss the old days... Not to say now is not good, it's alright, but I miss the before times... You get what I mean... I miss Cassandra too, haven't been able to contact her lately, so hope to see them soon... I miss my bestie Joey, Jerome, Charlotte, Charlene, heck I miss them all! ='( hope they read this, and miss ya loads! They all are wonderful people that I miss so much! =')

Finally Happy!

2011-06-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

... but how long will this last? Hopefully longer than ever! XD!

Finally, after all the previous rants and rumbles, I'm glad to say I'm happy! (Almost) All my problems are solved, and I'm glad that I took the right choice and come straight forward and apologise... Yeah, it's my fault, now it's in the past, so let's move on and move forward...

I'm so happy that I'm good again with people that are very close to me, and I'm finally glad that this heavy burden has been lifted, thank God! It was an amazing and wonderful time at RAY camp last weekend, I'm glad that I decided to go even though I knew I would only be there for a day and a half, as I went on the 2nd day due to exams... I'm happy to know I played a part, no matter how small, in helping the camp, especially the prayover...

To finally got forgiveness from your besties is the best thing that can happen, and it did happen to me, and that in itself is a great blessing and relief! =D Now things are alright again, and I guess this is a good closure, the book's finally done, it's time to close that book and open an exciting new one, filled with the unknown ahead.. It's like, yeah, now I can finally move on!

RAY Camp was a big highlight, my only regret was it didn't go on for any longer, and I didn't get to spend much time there due to my exam papers, but it was worth it... Felt a little like a rush though, but no complaints here sir! The day and a half was the best day and a half that can happen! The sessions were good, the prayover amazing, the food delicious as usual ;) and finally the shirt fits! hahaha! XD! Great!

This camp, helped me to help people, healed my own heart, set things straight, cleared up all misunderstandings, focus on God, prayed well, so much positive change, more than ever before... I just felt it, praise God! ^^ sometimes miracles happen when we least expect it... Before camp, I was so emotional, and I was scared with the limited time available, I couldn't do much and it would just pass by, but boy it didn't! It felt like days, and it felt so long, which given my limited time, I felt thankful for that!

Looking forward to the rest of the year!

Shot Thru The Heart

2011-05-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

The ultimate pain, the biggest setback, the hardest part, being stabbed in the front, in the back, in the backside! hahaha! XD! Seriously, it's really heartbreaking to find out these things... Why oh why do I always get hurt by the ones I love the most? It's really mind-boggling...

Come on, I've made mistakes, I'm sorry, and sometimes I don't realise it, so please at least talk to me, let me know, instead of ignoring me, trying to avoid me, and talking behind my back, and the worst one as well... Look, I'm still growing, I'm maturing day to day, and I feel I am, but sometimes there are times when I have problems, I feel down, and I act in a certain way that shows me to be otherwise... But I'm not childish all the time... So please try and understand me...

I don't understand, since we're so close, I feel we can talk it out about anything, but why don't you? To me, when we're close, I can talk anything to you, but you can't do that to me? You don't trust me? =(

This year really hasn't gone well for me, except for a few bright moments, I spent most of the year so far chasing lost dreams, trying to make up for last year, reliving all the moments and memories of last year with besties, saying goodbye to my closest friends and family, and trying to get my life back in order... and I'm physically, mentally, emotionally tired, and it's only May! Now I can't wait for Christmas and this year to end... I've had enough...

Yesterday (21st May Saturday) night, I had a prayover, and it was a first for me in a long time... It was so powerful, so great, I cried so hard, and everything seemed to fall into place... I can't say much here, but what I can tell is that it was overwhelming, so much so that when I got home, I cried again... Thank God for everything.. I really needed that...

The thing is, lately with all these problems and emotions, I really am emotional, it's like I keep on wanting to cry but I can't, so to finally let it all out was very reliving... Thing is, now I feel like crying again after being told more things that really hurt me... Great... Look, to you I may seem weak, crybaby, immature, but let me tell you this... I'm in heaps of problems, and I am being as strong, tough and mentally fighting it out as much as possible... And plus, if you think I'm immature, then you yourself are, believe me or not? At least I'm man enough to admit all this, and say this...

If you have been reading my blog (I doubt ANYONE does, but who cares, it's my blog) then you will have seen that in recent months, heck the whole year, I've been feeling down, depressed, and all... I'm trying, and trying my best to rise up again and be happy, but when the problem's someone very close to you, then it hurts and it takes time to recover... Hopefully I'm given that time and space to recover, with the support of loved ones...

This year has been one heck of a year so far... I've been chasing all the past until I didn't realise it's already May, and halfway through 2011... and I keep thinking it's 2010! haha! Oh well... What's done is done... Time to look towards the future...

I just don't know what to do or say...

2011-04-30T00:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really feel tired, had enough... I really want to break down and cry again... Why do I always get hurt, especially by the ones closest to me? I love them so much yet one by one something's happening, I start to care for them more, then they slowly drift away, you know how much does this hurt me? Even a simple thing, I want to shake hands but you don't want, to me that hurts... It's like you don't want to be a part of me anymore...

Everyday I feel like giving up, not to say kill myself or what, no I will never, but sometimes I feel like giving up and moving away and starting a new life... What's the point of staying if no one cares? I feel like one by one, slowly no one really care about me anymore, and I'm really hurt... I care so much, I do everything to make them feel good, like family, and some didn't even acknowledge or respond, and just shrug it off... It hurts... OK?

That's why I always have no mood because it seems something must happen without me even doing anything!

Stress!

2011-04-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

I think I hit the nail right on the 'ol head when I think, why am I still here? Shouldn't I be out there experiencing new places, faces and trying out new stuff? After all, there's no point in me staying here when people are leaving, left me all alone =( so mind as well fly the nest!

Lately the stress has gone up a notch, until it's been affecting my daily life, and to the point that some nights I just wake up in the middle of the night and find it hard to breathe and so many thoughts, it's just really unsettling... I hate this... It's just come to a point where if it goes any further, I may just quit... I never give up, I try my best, but I just don't want to keep banging my head against a brick wall anymore... I'd rather settle down rather then risking my health... It's no point pushing, I have a health problem, I'm not like the rest of you... I hate it when people criticise me when they don't even know me, what problems do I have, the health issues I have, that sometimes I can't push too much!

Yes, I'm unsettled, I'm not happy, I doubt I'll ever will... Only briefly when I went for a wonderful retreat, and just as I was settling in and having a great time, off I'm back into this mad chaos of daily routines... Crazy, absolutely crazy!

Honesty in emotion

2011-03-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I'm not happy, and it's been like this for so long now... Everytime I try to be happy, something always brings me down, and I hate it... I feel sad, lonely, and uncertain, as well as being up and down really bad, it's really confusing, and at times frustrating...

Lately my heart's been really hurting, physically and emotionally... I tried to hide it but it gets worse, I'm really down inside and lonely... In my house, I have no one to talk to, my parents are in their own world, and it can be really lonely sometimes... Let's be honest, I prefer a straight up personal conversation rather than online, and Facebook is getting boring...

Recently I'm somehow struggling through studies, especially with the timetable being really tiring... 8 am to 5 pm is really a long period of time, even though there are breaks in between, but mentally by th end of the day, I'm shot... and I have no time to revise when I get home, and I'll end up sleeping, or tired, cranky and all... I hate this... Normally I like classes at morning, then I'll go library in the afternoon, then rest at home for the night... But now I can't even get the chance to study... hmmm...

I don't know why, despite having them around me, my family, I still feel lonely, and left out... I really hate this feeling of being left out, now even more so because I couldn't volunteer for camp, and now I really feel left out... I wanted to volunteer, I would have been able to help and lead, having had the experience, but God knows why I didn't get it... They were maybe concerned about me, not wanting to take the risk... I understand that, I don't blame them, but at least give me a chance to try it out... In the end when I asked my fellow mates for their take, with God's help, I could have gone... So I was very sad that I wasn't able to... I wasn't doing it for myself or to be selfish, I really wanted to help guide those people and experience everything, and learn more about God... I guess it's all over in the past now, what's done is done... I'm honestly disappointed that I couldn't help...

Turning 21 was more difficult then I expected, and I need to experience so many changes in one go, it's really hard, and now I'm still learning, still adapting and changing to be a mature person... I'm seriously afraid of losing my loved ones, my family and bestfriends, when they move away, I'm scared of losing contact with them and growing apart... That's what I missed most from the years of old, being close to them, and having them around me... Being a single child is really lonely without them in my life, and now with them gone one by one, I pray that we will still be close and stay the same.. Of course they will change and mature with time, but I pray that we will still be close, that's all I can hope for...

I'm going through a difficult and confusing time in my life now, regarding my future, career, and friends... I always seem to feel lonely deep down inside my heart... I know I'm not, but still that feeling exists, and I hate it... If I could I really want to spend time with anyone that's close to me now and let out all my feelings, but I wouldn't want to trouble them, so here I am now... When I feel really down, I pray to God and try to think positive, but still the feeling is there...

I sometimes wonder if I'm maturing already, or still being the same? I myself feel that I am mauring, thinking better now, and dealing with problems better, but I'm not sure... I'm still very hyperactive, yet that's not what being mature or not is about... It's about how you think, how you deal with situations, react to certain situations, and more... I feel I'm growing as a person, but it's scary at first... Hopefully I'll emerge from this transition period a stronger, more confident, and mature person...

Lost in the moment...

2011-02-22T06:38:00.000-08:00

From the moment the year started, I didn't know quite what to expect; well, actually I did, but not to this scale... Forget everything that's happened in the past, this will be a whole new challenge, and many changes along with it... The only question is, will I be broken or emerge stronger than ever from this?

Where do I start? My best friends, my mates, many of them are moving on in their studies away from KK, and I'm gonna miss them alot, and It's gonna be weird not having them around anymore after spending so much time together these past few years, we've become almost like family... So many happy memories, and I really treasure them... But that's in the past, time for the future...

Lately I've been going through a rough time, and thinking alot before I sleep every night isn't going to help my cause... It's been a mixed bag; on one hand I'm actually happy in college now, having fit right in and new friends, and it's alright, now it's the problems outside that are really affecting me, until now I don't really want to do anything but talk here...

To be honest I still miss 2010, everything about it, it was such a momentus year, moving on from it is really hard... sigh... It seems like just yesterday that I ushered in the new year, and now February is almost over... Time passes so fast, time waits for no man... Soon everyone will be moving on... =(

Having a crush, and not being able to be with her, or progress beyond friends is very heart aching, and right now I'm having pain in dealing with that... Of course I put in effort and my heart into trying to be with her, but what's the use if I'm not even considered as someone more than a friend by her, and she even treats other people more than me, so I feel stupid that I liked you in the first place, you know how much that hurts me? It's eating me up inside...

I've been having many dreams lately, some good, some bad, and a few weird ones... It's been a mixed bag of all.. One dream that I had I can't forget, is my mum meeting my crush, and it's funny and sad at the same time, because in that dream I said goodbye, and the irony is there... I won't say much for it'll be obvious...

At this point in time, all I want is for my besties to be around me, to spend time with them, and have a clearer picture of what's going on... I wish I can have that... Amidst all the chaos and movement, I need some stability... and stability and certainty in life is anything but...

Awaken...

2011-01-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

Will I ever be happy again? It seems everytime I am happy, something always make me think twice and make me sad... I hate this bittersweet feeling everytime, it's like I can't be happy anymore, I always keep getting sad... Like the time I spent with my bestfriends, I was so happy to see them and go to the orchestra, then when I went home, I felt sad coz soon all of them will be going away, and I'm gonna miss them alot =(

Heart of life...

2011-01-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

Mine's broken but fine... Confused? XD!

Yeah, i'm broken down but just fine... Why you may ask? This ain't the first time, and neither will be the last time, so have a ball, just go with the flow and make things better... And write plenty of songs, jam on the guitar, anything to ease the broken pain...

Lately I must say I've been havin' fun learning new stuff on the guitar, playing better, and now able to play some tunes as well... Better late then never! =) Learning to play some tunes now and hopefully be able to play better... I'm learning all of this now when I should have at 16, but nevermind... Now at least you won't accuse me of not knowing how to play... XD!

Driving license's almost done, feel confident but nervous still about it, because it's the final exam, the JPJ one, where they will test in the area and out on the road... Problem is, inside they'll use the crappy Kancil instead of the tutor's Viva, which I'm already used to... Oh man... This will be challenging... XD!

It's funny that I'm only learning those two now at a later age, when I can ace exams and study well and score every exam... Guess I'm a late learner in certain aspects and things... And the next area I really want to improve is my photography skills... Music and photography are my two main loves!

All this and life's so much more enjoyable! Still the heartbreak lingers, the words echo, the moments reflected and shattered, and most of all, drifting apart... I hope we will never drift apart, but we never know the human heart, I won't want us to drift, but it's all up to her...

It's funny looking back at how things have progressed, how the people around me have progressed and changed, or new friends met and kept close, and old ones drifting apart... Life's full of changes, and I think everytime I've learnt to adapt, how many times have I done so, and I'm confident in myself to do it again if ever needed...

Here's something I got off Tumblr and I thought it really hit the point, and was really relevant:

"At this age, everything is changing. Day by day we don’t notice, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories."

What really hit me was all of it... And now I start to enjoy the moments, instead of trying to recreate them in the future coz maybe I will never get the chance again, so now I change my approach to life, not neccesarily because of that post, but after reflecting and looking at the situation...

I guess in the end, not everything lasts forever... Some will, some won't... It all depends on us, how much we want it to last forever, and how much we love to keep it that way...

2010: The Year In Review

2010-12-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? 2010 has been a momentus year, so many things happened in one year that it was so awesome! This was the year that had a profound effect on me, as I turned 20, left my teenage years behind, but not my friends, made new friends, had wonderful moments, and Spain finally won the World Cup! What an incredible year, and the story begins on a cold night in January...

January
The year started where 2009 left off, but with major changes ahead.. The SHC Thanksgiving Dinner kicked things off, and I managed to spend time with my sis Bianca, and before she started school for her PMR year... I thought it was the last time I got to see her, but I got to meet her again after that =) then it was off to INTIMA Conference at Metropolitan College, Subang Jaya, and it was incredible! I learnt alot from the experience, being with fellow students from other INTI campuses, and hanging out with my INTIMA friends around, it was an experience I'd never forget! =D

February
The start of February was all about family, journey back to my roots, and then Chinese New Year! Went out with my bestfriends and my loves on 19th, a day to remember, and we watched Percy Jackson! :3 I miss this day =) then the next day Johenson had an open house, and it was fun! XD! Then the month ended with a Youth Concert at SHC, and I guess that's it, the two days on 19th and 20th being the highlights =D

March
My birthday month! Spent my birthday (belated) with my loves and I had a great time, even though my sis had to go to training early... Then it was RAY Camp! This year's RAY Camp was the 2nd time I was helping out, and we had a series of meetings and preparations for the camp, and I must say, this camp really was great for me, it meant alot to me, I experienced the power and love and worship the Lord, and I'm really thankful for this opportunity! =D The camp itself was nice, and I think more towards me personally... After camp was a post-meeting, then World Youth Day celebration at SHC to end the month...

April
It was Easter weekend, and we went to St.Simon, and met my bro and sis there =D Aldric and Bianca, and it was nice to see them during blessed Easter time =) Then it was a double day the next day, with Tess' birthday party, then my relatives' engagement, so balik kampung and met my cousins! =D Then 11th April was Bakat Interact, and I went to see some old friends, I went with my bro n sis, and met many old friends and besties... The day was fine, although there were some problems... All in all, April was a good month, but it was also the start of something that was to continue until now, the end of the year...

May
The month of May was to be the big one, as I was due to perform for my college dinner, and the dinner itself was a big occasion, as we were the organisers, and it was a real challenge to organise and perform, and together we did it! =D so thanks INTIMA 15th batch! The INTI Night was nice and to me, it went well, I'm sure everyone else thinks so... After the dinner, on 28th May was my sis' confirmation, and my cousin n friends as well, so congrats to all of ya Confirmation Class of 2010! Then that night was the KDCA-ISCEP Concert, as usual every end of May for Ka'amatan, and I went with my old buddies, and met Theodora, oh my gucci! =D hehe... had a good night with them! ^^ Theo! haha...

June
Ah, the month where the biggest event started, the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa! It was the start of a month-long festival of football and everything that went with it, and it was awesome right from the beginning! On 9th June, I went out with Aldric and Bianca, just the 3 of us, for some quality time, although Jerome and Cassandra were supposed to come but couldn't make it, so it was just the 3 of us, me with the 2 people I love alot, and I had a nice day, makes me feel like I really have a family with siblings!

July
SPAIN, 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP WINNERS! SPAIN ARE WORLD CHAMPIONS! What more can I say? July was all about THE final, THE biggest match! Spain were crowned World Champions on the 11th of July, after 64 matches, 30 days and hours of action, there was one winner, Spain!

On 1st July, I went out with my old classmates and friends from school, and it was nice and wonderful to be able to meet them again! We went for a movie, KKbox-ing, and dinner by the waterfront, and it was nice to spend time with them again =D then 4th July was SFC Concert, and I went to support my sis who's in the choir! Go Bianca! =D hehe... and my friends Empty Papers performed as well XD! so it was nice... on 14th July, another day out with Lorenzo, Anthea, to do covers, and I just helped out along, and we eventually had an awesome day and night together! =D Then on 25th it was RAY 9th Anniversary, and celebration all around! It was fun, and RAY has been around for long! =)

August
After an incredible July, came the exam month of August, my last month of my Diploma, and thank God I passed it all! I finished my diploma on time, and what relief! 13-15 August weekend was one of the best! First there was SHC Youth Praise Nite, combining all youths, den on 14th my friends Olivia and Charlton Gomes celebrated their birthday, and 15th it was the Bruce Kuhn Broadway show at SHC... Then two of the best days I will never ever forget, first up Johenson's birthday, then Charlotte and Charlene Jumin's Twin birthday! =D it was awesome and fun, and with friends, it was nice! =) then at night I met Angel and Francess and we hung out, after a long time I haven't been with them... hehe... After all that, my final exam, and yeah, I did all that BEFORE exams, and still I got good results... ehehe...

September
Finally, I had some free time, and I started all my unfinished business, cleaning up the house, cathcing up on old times and events, and most importantly, my driving license! XD! on 6-9 September, there was a PBK event at SHC, and I got to help for the first day only, where the youths perform on the opening day, and it was nice, I was the compman and cameraman XD! After that it was all normal, many little things happened, I hang out with friends and that's it... Then 23rd September I celebrated my bestie Angel's birthday with a lunch at Upperstar Lintas, and that's about it for the month, I guess.. hehe..

October
My sis' birthday month! :3 aww! hehe... For her birthday, I made her a special card and a gift, and I managed to give her exactly on her birthday, and I got to meet her even though awhile only =) then it was 10-10-10, and I attended my friend's charity event, not a bad way to celebrate triple 10, just wish I had my loves n besties with me... oh well maybe 11-11-11 next year! =) then on 16th October it was another sis/cuz (distant cuz ^^) birthday, and we celebrate at Water World, and it was my 1st time there! =) I spent d day with Abigail and Vernessa, awesome! ^^ then we had a last minute outing with Ameline and Lorenzo on 18th, with Ivan and Aiman joining later on... on 23rd October. it was my bro Aldric's school concert, Shan Tao Brass Band with Kian Kok, and I went with my sis Bianca to support him, and the concert was lovely! Brass Band Orchestra reminded me of orchestral movements and pieces, and I really enjoyed it, especially as a musician and music lover =) October ended with me wishing all the SPM students all the best for their exams, especially my besties and siblings =)

November
When November came, what was in store was way beyond comprehension, something happened that still affects me now, and I really, really wished it didn't happen... But first, on 5th November, Lifeline had a BBQ Picnic, and it was nice, and it was the first time besides camp that I joined Lifeline's activity, and I hope to join more in the future =) This year, the Malaysian International Challenge Badminton was held at Likas, from 9-14 November, and I went for the first 2 days on 10th and 11th, because 12th I had to go to KL for my Convocation, and then 15-22 head to Singapore for a family holiday! The tournament was nice, although it was a 4th-tier event, many top players came, especially local players like Tan Chun Seang, Chong Wei Feng, World Junior Champions Ow Yao Han and Chooi Kah Ming, runner-up Loh Wei Sheng, and Sabah's very own talented shuttlers, namely Beryno Wong, Amelia Anscelly, Winson Neo, and more! The first two days brought many exciting matches, and some upsets as well... I really learnt alot from watching top class players play, and got some experience... =)

Then 12th I was off for my convocation in INTI Nilai, on 13th November, with my classmates and collegemates... As soon as I arrived, we were already rushing here and there, it was really hectic, before the convo! The day itself presented some challenges, but thank God everything went smoothly in the end... Then 14th I went out for a stroll in KL, and met Deon, Mortigou and Samantha... 15th I headed to Singapore, unbeknowing what was to hit me... From KL, I was already feeling unwell, sick, but I just kept going, and trying to supress the pain, and upon reaching Singapore, something happened...

On 17th I got chickenpox, and then I got quarantined for 2 weeks, and was only allowed to return on 2nd December, and to hear that news was gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, to be detained there, and stay an extra 12 days, costed me... I really hate myself, wondering where did I get it from, and I really was down and upset... I had to stay longer, yet I can't even go out jalan2 and shop, until the last 5-6 days, and even that I had to control myself and not really get too near to avoid spreading it... That extra time, I can't even go home to see all my loved ones, that time I really, really missed them... I missed LT Anniversary, carolling practice, and basically alot of stuff, and till now I'm still trying to catch up lost time..

December
... and I finally returned from Singapore on early December, and straight away caught up with carolling practice, thank God I could still join, and I ended up alright... although I lost time to hang out with friends and practices, I could still catch up... This month was an awesome month, and yet there were some sub-plots of twists that linger on... Carolling was awesome, as always, and I really had a great time! I joined Melissa Audrey's group again this year, and to my carolling group, great job! =D

Besides that, I had many days out with loves and friends, from 18th to 22nd, it was a really packed and awesome straight period, in 1Borneo and Suria two days straight! =) 18th at 1B with Abby, Sha, Wes, Ivan, Jav, Sam, Ari and Yeehui, 20th and 21st at Suria with some of them again plus Jerome XD! and 21st night was RAY Christmas Dinner, and I had a great night with my dear friend Leisa ^^v, my besties Angelica, Francess and gang! =) Took lots of pics which I uploaded in FB.. hehe.. Then 22nd, Jude's group had a Xmas Thanksgiving dinner at one of the aunty, Aunty Jeanette's house, and I went along with the group, the ones which went were Abby, Sha, Vina, Ivan, Jav, Nad, Simon, Wes, and Jude himself! =D had a crazy awesome night, and took even more pics with them! =D

And just yesterday on 28th, I went out with my old classmates and friends from Maktab Sabah, a mini-reunion of some sorts, and to meet them again, especially the star of the show, Alvin Wilson, all the way frm France! XD! I managed to hang with Alvin, Jo, Mort, Loren, Anthea, Sam, Ivan, Agnes, Diniy, and Zeff... Leslie and Ray couldn't make it unfortunately... It was nice and awesome to be with them again, and made me recall and miss school days... heck we talked about whar we did at school, ah the memories... XD! Watched Gulliver's Travels, awesome funny gila! haha! then we went to K-box at Growball punya, not many song choices, sadly... then off to Secret Recipe Warisan for some drinks and deserts... after that Diniy and Zeff went home, and me, Al, Jo, Mort n Anthea went to watch 'Letters From A Friend', another production by the Green Leaf Theatre House, for charity, and it was really good! Theatre play that really got u! After that went to have dinner in Dongz, before spending the night playing pool at Millenium, and I sucked at pool! :O finally went home at 1 am! XD! what a great day! I miss them now already =') perfect way to close the year... =D

.................................................................................
So as I write this, its almost new year eve, and I guess I had such a wonderful year, so many memories, moments, and I don't want the year to end, coz next year I may have to say goodbye to some of my loves and closest people, my besties and siblings, who will be going away...

Overall, this year was really filled with so many talking points, the biggest of them all, has to be Spain, worthy World Champions! It's gonna be sad to leave this year behind... I experienced so many emotions, happy, sad, to seeing loved ones gone, and dealing with the pain of a loss, as I was turning 20, and leaving my teen years behind, lost and found friends, everything you can think of, I've been through it this year... Learn from mistakes, and I really learnt who my true friends and bro and sis are... I don't know how to end this, except, 2010 was incredible, and it set the tone for my life...

Smooth Irony

2010-11-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

So this is what have become,
Of the broken hearted and lonely,
Left to sail the seas alone,
In search of thy one true love.

And so it has changed,
The game of love,
Played by many a lover,
Yet rewards so few a victor.

One day some will win, Another some will lose,
The circle of life keeps spinning,
Left to chance and a throw of a dice.

And so it begins,
Another day, another dream,
While someone's hopes come unstuck,
Many more hopes come undone.

The irony of life as lived by many,
They search high and low,
Far and beyond,
For something just within reach.

So live your life simple,
Love the one your with,
Never leave them behind,
Cherish and treasure them till the end!

2010 Commonwealth Games Badminton Mixed Team Champions...

2010-10-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

Malaysia!

After years of not winning the mixed team title, they won it for the first time in a long while, back in 2006.. and now, 4 years later, they've defended their Mixed Team title, after a hard fought battle against first time finalists, India, winning 3-1...

First up was Mixed Doubles, and just as 4 years ago, Malaysia decided to pair a scratch pair, Koo Kien Keat and Chin Eei Hui, against Diju V and Jwala Gutta... and the scratch pair gave Malaysia the perfect start, winning against the more fancied and higher ranked pair 21-14 10-21 21-10.

Next was Men's Singles, and Lee Chong Wei faced the dangerous up and coming Parapulli Kashyap, and the first game was neck to neck, with both players trading smashes and wonderful net exchanges... Eventually Lee Chong Wei held his nerve to win the opening game 21-18, and from then on controlled the second set to win 21-8, and give Malaysia a 2-0 lead in the team event.

Third match was Women's Singles, and Wong Mew Choo faced an uphill battle against the in form Saina Nehwal, home crowd as well... This match was a classic on the cards, and a classic it was. Both players going neck to neck, and really fighting hard for every point, a trademark of both Mew Choo and Saina... 1st set went to Mew Choo 26-24, after a nerve wrecking tiebreaker. At this point, Malaysia were a set away from the title, but Saina had other ideas, as she took the next two sets 21-17, 21-14, and winning a point for India. 2-1 now.

With the vociferous home crowd now cheering India on, the following match is Men's Doubles, and on paper it was a banker for Malaysia, with World No.1 Koo Kien Keat and Tan Boon Heong facing Rupesh Kumar and Sanave Thomas. Koo and Tan raced out of the blocks, and started fast, thundering down smashes and decisive net plays, to take the 1st set 21-12. The second looked like a formality, but Koo and Tan were made to fight for each point, and made to sweat, before finally winning a close set 21-19, and with it victory for Malaysia!

Eventually Malaysia won 3-1, and congratulations to the team! Congratulations to India as well, Silver medalists, and England, Bronze medalists... On to the individual badminton competition!

Step Up 3D!

2010-09-23T07:45:00.001-07:00

Gosh I was supposed to make this post a week ago, then I forgot! haha! anyway here it is...

I SO TOTALLY LOVE STEP UP 3! It was awesome! From the first moment to the last, I literally had my eyes and mouth wide open in anticipation, and excitement! It was so cool, and the thing I liked most was that it had many sub-plots to the main story, so it was nice... I especially like Moose and Camille, they're so cute and so sweet together... :3 awww! sehh!

I wish I was damn thinner, then I could attempt to dance and move like them all, woah! I love the dances, the moves, and gosh, I would love to try it... sadly, I cant... haha! The movie was in 3D, so it added a layer of excitement to it, although not all scenes seem to have 3D, I noticed, but overall it was nice... Certain scenes had it jumping out of the screen, literally... XD!

I wouldn't mind watching it again in 3D, worth it! No doubt! hehe... Just wish I could bring my sis along, maybe after PMR... =) Bianca! quick finish ur PMR! hehe... her PMR exams are coming, so to my dearest sis, all the best and God bless for your exams! Do ur best and score with flying colors! ^^

Destination

2010-08-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

While I was cleaning up my room, and tidying all my stuff, I found some CDs I had since I was young, and they range from Matchbox 20, Blue, Robbie Williams, to Boyzone and Ronan Keating... heh nice taste when you're young aye... boybands and all... much like the growing up of me, I outgrew those and moved on to blues and jazz, but that doesn't mean those bands and those selections when I was young was tacky, it's still music... What I've learned is that making music is not easy, so that's why I respect every artist that makes music, and produces it...

Learning the guitar these last few years, along with some basic music theory and watching the process has definitely made me appreciate music more, so I don't really look down on any, and now I can look at those selections from when I was young from a different point of view... I've been lucky to learn all these, from a layman's view; I don't consider myself a musician, maybe a basic one, but more towards a music fan and avid listener... Though the progress continues on my guitar...

I love music alot, heck everyone does, and you'll all agree with me when I say that without music, life is boring and monotonous...

Anyway, when I took the albums out for a spin, and now playing is Ronan Keating's 2003 album "Destination", it suddenly brought back memories of me in Form 1 (it was released when I was in sec school) and life in secondary school for the first time... Then from learning and adapting in Form 1 and 2 to progressing in Form 3 onwards... I really thought alot about the years, the memories, and most of all imagining myself back to that point in time... aaahhh...

I think the generation nowadays are very privelleged to have all the technology and advancements all round, especially in social communication, and music... In my days in Form 1 we had no Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and the works, heck even Friendster was quite uncommon those days... I only got mine in Form 2 I think... Before that, it was plain old telephone and MSN, just ask ma best bud from primary school all the way till now... XD!

Back when I was in Form 1-3, those years, Friendster was the thing, and MSN before and during that time... When it was Form 5, Facebook suddenly started to progress, and soon everyone hopped on the bandwagon... Progress is a beautiful and scary proposition at the same time... If we're not careful, we may lose the beauty and simplicity of days gone by... When I was young, I played outside and didn't spend much time on the comp... XD!

No matter what, I'll always cherish my memories in primary and secondary school, and though we all have moved on, there will always be a part of me that cherishes every moment of it, through the good and bad times... =) The music helps the nostalgia alot... Certain music for certain years...

As for now, I'm going to complete another phase of my life, finishing my diploma, hopefully passing with flying colours, and then we'll see...

... and typing all this a day before my final exams, when I should be studying, but somehow this pre-empted all other things... ah memories... XD!

Been there, done that,,, Or have I?

2010-08-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever done something you wanted to do, yet you didn't? I'm sure everyone has that regret or missed opportunity to do something wonderful in life, or to take that chance that was in front of you...

A tuneful of emotions...

2010-07-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

I should be so happy now after what happened today, yet as I settle down in my room, I tend to feel down, as if it was all a dream, and have to face the world tomorrow, back to normal, with the happy memories of today still fresh in the mind... After a high, here comes the low... But I really had a great day today, I got to spend time with my best friend, it's not everyday we can spend time, especially now that everyone's busy... So that's why I cherish and love every moment with my besties, loved ones, especially those I haven't met in a while...

This month has been a very good month indeed, so many memories, and moments to remember... It started on 1st July with an outing with my classmates from school, and how much I miss them alot! It was a fun day out with them... I was with Lorenzo, Diniy, Ray, Zeff, Anthea, Sammy, and it was awesome to be able to hangout with them again! We went to KKBox, then Suria to watch movie, then Waterfront for dinner... It was an awesome day! Miss ya all ow! =D

Then after Lifeline Armour Up Camp, I started to go to Lifeline, besides serving in RAY now... It's a nice new experience, besides serving in RAY, so yeah! The best of both worlds... ahaha!

Then the Convent concert, I went to support my sis Bianca for her choir, and yeah the concert was nice... The surprise was seeing Empty Papers perform, my friends performing! hahaha! It was an awesome show, too bad about the sound system, which was off... If not, it would have been a rocking show! Of course the main purpose was to see the choir... It was nice, and I enjoyed it, the rest of the performances as well... If can I want to support her every performance possible! U go Bianca! =D

After that, THE FINAL on 11th July, 12th July here Malaysian time, and we all know what happened... VIVA ESPANA! LA FURIA ROJA! SPAIN are the WORLD CHAMPIONS! YEAHHHH! Even now I still feel the same rush of blood, the same excitement, relief, happiness, proudness, just pure pure emotion and victorious spirit!! Spain, 2010 World Cup Winners! YEAH!!!! COME ON SPAIN! A por ellos! A por ellos!

Then the night I will never forget, what a night with my 2 besties, 2 of the finest and hottest prospects and musical talents in Malaysia, Lorenzo and Anthea! Those 2 can sing! They can sing! It's smokin hot!! Their covers are awesome and nice! And to have the *ahem!* honour to be able to join them and record with them is brilliant! ahaha... Those 2 really have talent... (I wonder if they read this, will they kembang to the max? XD!) It was an awesome night, and it was fun! We got to record at Anthea's place, then went out for dinner an Upperstar, nice! Then we headed back before going home... And it was nice to test Loren's driving "skills", nice2... XD! One to remember! hahaha!

Then last Sunday I went out with my bestfriend, Jacquelene Danica, and we hung out and went to watch movie before she leaves for KL again... Gonna miss ya Jac! Had a fun day out with ya! hehe... Nice oh the movie "Despicable Me"! So cute and funny, and at the same time touching! awww! =D It's been a while since I met her, since CNY, so yeah it was nice to meet up again... ^^v

Which leads to today, Sunday, 25 July, my dad's birthday, and also celebrating RAY 9th Anniversary, and had a great day with my bestie Angelica Subil! hahaha... It was a fun day, although I was sick, I just ignored it and had a blast! XD!

So it's been a wonderful month! XD! VIVA ESPANA!

Confusion...

2010-07-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

maybe being heartbroken makes it easier to leave this place and go away... this is not running away from the situation, but trying to start a new life...

seriously, I don't even understand myself anymore... ='( and the sad part is, I don't know how long it'll take for me to ever be OK again, maybe never forever...

I used to be this happy, friendly, happy go lucky kinda guy with no sort of worries or pressures, just enjoying life and taking on challenges that really attract me... but now I've become some sort of this recluse, being all to myself, and not being open anymore... I've become more and more reclusive and shy, back to last time...

Take you all the way back then, when I was a shy little kid with a shy attitude, and actually now I'm still abit shy, I don't talk much except to my best friends, then you'll see a different me, talkative and annoying.... hahaha! But yeah, I'm very shy when it comes to people, yet if I wanna talk and lead, I can be brave and different, just as long as they tell me what to do, then I'm confident... but if it's one on one with people, than that's a different matter altogether...

Why I bring this up is because I think my withdrawn personality and shyness has costed me alot of opportunities, to do stuff, to make a difference, because of my shy and timidness... Such as being invited for outings or hangouts... Nowadays I rarely go out except if I bring people out, or my best friends bring me out... That's why now I rarely go out and watch movies, and I'm so outdated, except if I happen to watch that movie or so on... Sometimes if I really get depressed then I would really hate going out because I'm gonna be all alone or no friends, but on the other hand I'm stuck at home nothing to do all alone, same thing... Conclusion? My life's lonely.... VERY...

There comes a time where I hated it, I hated being lonely, and I really miss them, and yet people don't understand... Some people think because I'm shy, that I'm snobbish, I'm proud, etc... Actually I'm just really really shy and don't know what to say... I gotta admit I have to improve my PR skills... The loneliness makes me miss my loved ones more and more, and I wish I can see them now and just forget all my worries... haizz...

Now what I'm thinking...

2010-06-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

No mood... That’s what everyone says when they have no mood or no feelings towards something or someone, or if they’ve been hurt by loved ones, or if something bad happened which made them lose their mood... for me now, I really have no mood to study... I know tests are next week, but I still haven’t started studying yet... I’m just mentally tired, I really feel like hitting my head on a brick wall... I really pray I can pass this final semester, and get it all over and done with...

Life sure has taken a very different turn... I’m thankful of where I am now, with all my friends and family around me... Sometimes I really thank God for granting me wonderful people around me, whom I can trust and love so much... I don’t want to name names for fear of leaving out anyone, so this goes to everyone yeah... hehe... Soon my diploma will be over, and actually I’m inspired to write this post after reading my best friend Jacquelene’s blog, talking about her experiences in A-Level, so I’ll be talking about my college experience soon...

Talking about college life now...

The last 2 years in diploma has sure been one heck of a ride... so many semesters we had to go through, luckily I passed, none failed, although very close to failing twice, and so many friends made and old friends reconnected at college... I’m sure gonna miss life in INTI, but as my friend said, we all have to move on, and I want to get new experience, learn new things, visit new places... I don’t want to be stagnant here in KK...

I have met and known so many wonderful people at INTI, and without them my life would have been lonely, so yeah... especially my classmates, and I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, I guess I have still alot to learn in life... I think my classmates are interesting and nice, and it’s good to have them... this will be the final semester for most of us that made it.... it’s been a very rollercoaster journey, but It’s something I will remember always, especially the trips between classes... XD!

On to current issues now...

Right now I’m very gutted and sad that I wasn’t able to join my mates in doing mission work for LT Camp, and it’s the first one I missed since, well, the first one! It’s so sad, and had I known the test will be postponed earlier, I would have been down there already... But I’m really happy and I salute and respect everyone who served the mission work, and what a great job, doing it for God, spreading the word and preaching, it’s something that’s not easy to do, so yeah! =D Praise God! Wonderful!

I guess that’s it for now... I want to say more, but I don’t think it’ll fit in here with what I’ve said, so next time then!

2010 FIFA World Cup is go!

2010-06-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's on! It's here! It's the World Cup 2010 in South Africa! haha... The opening match was South Africa vs Mexico, and a cagey game, which had many chances, ended up 1-1, so they cancelled out each other... Tactically it was a frustrating game, there were many opportunities by both teams that should have led to more goals, but oh well... (I won't go much into the game, this is as a starter for my post...)

That's a good way to start off this World Cup, and indeed my blog after a long time... It's been very long since I'd blogged, so the touch has gone awry indeed... Lately I'm so happy because I get to spend time with my loved ones, and that is one of the most important thing, we should try to keep going, be happy, do what we love, and enjoy it...

I'm in my last semester now of my diploma, and it's been some ride, this 2 years! Lots of ups and downs, I can't tell you how it feels, amazing and exasperating! Now I think I've more or less settled down, this is my final sem, so relax and enjoy it, and make sure I pass or else I'm in big trouble! But yeah, enjoy it, and when it's over, diploma's done... and that's just the start...

My last post was I think about what happened, and I thank God and I'm happy that all of it's in the past, and now it's better, for me... Since then, I sorted out my life, and got back up again, and here I am!

I'm happy coz last Wednesday, I got to spend time with my bro Aldric and sis Bianca, and we watched Shrek in 3D, the first time for any of us, and even though things didn't turn out as planned, it was still fun and I enjoyed it... The effect was nice, but at RM 15 it's a tad expensive, so maybe only once in a while, and I think normal movies are still good enough... My bro was with his lady, so I was with my sis... then we went to Secret Recipe's for a drink and rest, and it was nice to spend time with my sis, not often I can say that 'coz we're both busy lately... so yeah it was a nice day... wish there were more of us, but I can't complain... so thanks to Aldric and Bianca... hehe... Love ya! <3

Since my last post, last May, I enjoyed the holidays, but was busy with work, and then the Thomas Cup... Sadly for Malaysia, we lost in the semifinals, but still it was a good achievement to reach the semis, so congratulations... I remember following almost every match, and watching it to learn more, learn tactics and improve my game, and most of all, to support my team... Now it's over, post mortem done, next target is the World Championships in August... Lee Chong Wei and Koo Kien Keat-Tan Boon Heong, come on!

Started this final sem in middle of May, and to be honest I still havent got back to the study groove yet, I'm like still in holiday mood, and I can't quite gear myself up yet, and with so many events coming, it's gonna be hard... This June will be busy, with tests soon, and KK Jazz Fest on 18-19 June, so looking forward to that, IU Day also on 19 June, a must go with friends, and my cousin's birthday later! (It's Saturday by the time I write this)... so yeah! Lots to come!

2010 World Cup has started, and just like every previous tournament I have watched and wrote about, I'm backing Spain again, they're my favourite team since I was little, so yeah... Spain all d way! Viva Espana! La Furia Roja! I hope they can win the whole tournament and be the best! I'm so excited and looking forward to this World Cup! The last one in Germany was awesome, can this be better? Let's wait and see...

South Africa 2010, here we come!

From my heart....

2010-04-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

if I told you I loved you and I never meant to hurt you, would you believe in a word I say? Would you believed it if I said my life was a mess without you being there for me and being my helping hand? And what if you disappeared from my life, I said that I couldn't live another day without you? That's how much I love you, not as lovers, but as friends... ♥

Broken records

2010-04-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

Why do I say that? Because my life really sucks, its like a broken record all over again... same things keep repeating itself no matter how much I tried to prevent it from happening again, no matter how much I change and improve, and find out what went wrong... I always get broken hearted and eventually dumped everytime, and it hurts... no matter how much you forgive and forget, the scars are there... I'm not young anymore, so I ain't exactly got much time to be around, aren't I?

I really hate my life... I'm lonely, miserable, sad, pathetic, useless, unloved, unwanted and seemingly to some people, a burden instead of a gift... I wonder if the things that they say are true, sometimes I just can't trust people and what they say after so many heartbreaks... As much as I try to believe, sometimes I just can't... And I know life's all about this and being tough, being strong, sometimes it can get to you...

I just don't know what to do now, I'm feeling so frustrated, sad, and really hurt in my heart... In times like these I normally turn to my "family", my bro and sis, and my besties, but now it seems that all of them are busy and have no time for me... Although I fully understand... I just wish I can talk to one of them now and just let everything out! But not anyone, it has to be my loved ones, and the ones I REALLY trust... no more random secret spilling... I don't trust anyone easily nowadays anymore... The family list you see on my FB, THOSE are the people I trust, care and love no matter what, this is for sure... =) and some best friends that I really trust as well...

I just wanna talk to them!

Opposite ends....

2010-04-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

In one month, I've gone from an absoulte high to an absoulte low... And the most disappointing thing is that this could have been completely avoided if it wasn't for my own stupid actions... I really let my sis down, I really let her down and disappointed her as a brother, and as a family... Not only that, I also disappointed my best friends and put them in an awkward position...

Last month, I was on an absoulte high after camp, and looking more determined then ever to be a better person... But then this happened, and I think I know why it happened... And I guess I'm thankful that this has been a wake up call that I urgently needed, and the good thing is that me and my sis are OK again, although as all things, time is needed...

I just want to issue a public apology to you whom I have hurt and disappointed over the last week, and I want to make things right... It's in the past now, so forget about it and move on... A brighter future lies ahead...

This last month, especially the last week, has been really tough for me... Too many disappointments overshadow the highs and good moments, and right now I need to get my life back on track... It's no use just talking, I have to walk the talk...

I think I really need a break from life now, just a short break away from everyone to reflect on this past month or so, see what went wrong, and do it right... But I just can't have that break... Its one that I desperately need...

No matter what happens, I will always love my family, my sis and my bro, my bestfriends... This is one for you... With lots of love...

Up In Dust...

2010-03-22T08:15:00.001-07:00

If you should ever know this
Is that I never wanted to leave you
But you know better and went your own way
Thinking you know all too well

Letting go of the hand that held you
The one thing you could rely on
As you had that moment to fly
Flying without a rudder

Every memory, moment and decision
All to be with you forever
Yet you let it all go away
Leaving me behind in the dust

It's funny how time can make or break things
Sad to say it's completely over
All little hope, any memory left has all gone up in dust
Leaving you to live your life without me in it

You had so many people around you telling what to do
Around you had many to take care of you
That it seems that I'm no longer wanted or needed
Whatever happened to all the things we said?

After all that's said and done
I just want you to live your life
And if it doesn't have me in it after all the memories
Then alll I can do is walk away into the distance and say goodbye...

After all this time, I'm not needed...

(I wrote this inspired by Daughtry and David Cook, and after a heartbreak sometime ago, and after looking back at the memories that matter to me yet seem little to others... Just a thought, nothing personal, I'm just a songwriter and singer and musician... These are the things that inspire us to write songs...)

Coming back to life...

2010-02-26T20:02:00.000-08:00

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of lifeand the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

Ideas of Ideas... Get It?

2010-02-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

Do you? Hahaha... well that's some way to start my note off... If this were to be my English Composition essay, I'm not sure if that will go down well, but since it's my own note, I'll give it a shot... Ideas of ideas... Now some of you might think "What has this bugger been up to" or the likes, but hang in there, and I'll make sense of this, I promise you...

... well, maybe not... But that certainly got your attention going right? Now on to the real stuff, the bread and butter of my note...

Ideas are a state of mind, the things that we think of or come into the head, and off we go... Ideas lead to many a splendid thing, but it can also be the reverse, it could lead to worse... Music, essentially, are ideas in the form of music and words... Now here's an interesting question, what comes first, the music or the words?

Lately I haven't been writing much, due to my busy schedule, and now I suddenly find myself free, to think, to comprehend, and to carry on where I've left off some time ago, writing notes and songs... Now comes the first, then soon comes the songs... Inspiration, here I come!

The month January ended, now it's already a week into February, and notice how time ticks away so fast... Time waits for no man, so they say... It was hectic, now with assignments, and I'm looking to get started off as soon as possible.. The groundwork is there already, now on to the thing itself...

I was reading some of my friends' notes about social justice, and I have to say, some were good stuff, some were alright, but It's not up to me to judge, I'm just a reader of works... I read books, articles, interesting stuff and so on... And I write as well... Good job guys and gals!

Which leads me to a good example of social justice that I came to be aware of some 3 years ago, called Solidarinosc, or Solidarity in Polish, which I've written about and highlighted about many times before, with little or no interest, except for one or two... For those of you wanting to know more, you know where to go, your little friend called Google... Now this is the 21st century well and truly alive...

It's nice to see technology used in such a positive way, in the world where it has been used for the opposite... Certainly the world is moving at such a fast pace... I was talking to my friend about it, highlighting that for our generation, in LT we used pen and paper... Today, it's all advanced and internet plots the way now... Sounds old, do I? Well, I ain't THAT old, it was only 2 years ago... hahaha...

I suppose that's it for now... If i keep on going, I'm going to bore you all to sleep, and I wouldn't want that, would I? The world as wee see it will never be the same again... And I shall leave you with a closing thought...

"On the day the wall came down
They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high we raised a cry for freedom had arrived"

Whirlwind...

2010-01-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

The last month has been a rollercoaster, and to be truthful I'm still hungover from last December holidays, and I really, really miss the holidays, and doing what I did, and all, it was really fantastic, but now it's in the past, time to start over, and continue on with my life, and hope it will all happen again...

As I said, last December was really great because I got to be together with all the people that I really love, and I would love to do it again next time round... Hopefully things will be the same, if not better then before... But for now, it's time to buckle down and study...

It's remarkable I've been busy with this and that until I haven't had time to settle down and take it all in, let the facts and memories settle in, it's just been one big rush, enjoyable, but stressful also, and the aftereffects can still be felt now...

After coming down to earth from New Year's and a Thanksgiving night with my friends and sis the night before classes, the same week I was going to KL for 9 days, for the INTIMA Conference (the conference was only 3 days, the 6 was to settle, move and shop! haha!) and that same Saturday, I was off again, barely having time to settle down...

9th January, Saturday, arrived at KL, and straightaway went to look for my good friend Jacquelene, and it was nice to meet her again after a while (a year!), so went to watch movie, Old Dogs, it was super funny! Thinking of the movie straightaway makes me laugh, so does Couples Retreat! (watched that back in December, wow!) We went walking around before that, explore Times Square, nice place, but 1st time its abit confusing... hehe... Had a fun day/night out... Thanks Jacq!

10th January, Sunday, woke up to go to mass there at St. John Church, it was my 1st time attending mass there, so I didn't know the way, so Jacq taught me how, then managed to arrive at the nearest (kinda...) station, and walk to the church... Have to say the mass there was different abit... Interesting sidenote, there were many photographers on the way, nearby, and remember this was JUST after the well-publicised attacks (which I will not go into, no politics for me)...

Then after that went to Times Square again, and saw the Nikon Roadshow, fantastic, what cameras! The photographers all had kickass SLRs that would knock the stuffing off my camera, THAT's for sure! Then we took a pic for charity, in a nice photo booth, using the new Nikon D3X (WOW!) and it was a nice picture! Then I went home, and spent the night about Bukit Bintang... It was a nice weekend... hehe kan Jacq! =)

11th-13th January, Monday-Wednesday, I went out with my collegemates, Kimberly, Jenette, Chloe, Eric and special guest Nicky (OMG!) and Jenette's friend, and on the last day with Bryan and Evelyn! On Monday, we went to 1Utama and the Curve, Damansara, and it was a LONG day and night out! hahaha... On Tuesday, we went to Midvalley Megamall in the afternoon, which was nice, its been a long time, and Pavillion in the evening... On Wednesday, we went out to Pavillion, Bukit Bintang and in and around Bintang area... The 3 days were really nice and funny! It was nice, tiring, but worth it, right guys? haha!

14th January, Thursday, did some last minute shopping with them, and got ready to go to Subang for the conference... We went by taxi to 3K Hotel, located quite far from our host, Metropolitan College, for the 7th INTIMA Conference 2010, and settled in the night before...

15-17 January, Friday-Sunday, The conference, I will do a separate review on it, but briefly, it was 3 days of fun, sun, and issues (literally...) haha! Went back to KK at midnight (would you believe it!) and returned home close to 1 am on a Monday morning! Thank God my class was at 1 pm... haha!

SO overall, my trip to KL was a blast, it was awesome, but not without problems and tensions, luckily it was mild, and I really enjoyed it, because it was the first time I went travelling with friends, I got to meet my good friend whom I havent seen in a year, and I had many expriences during the conference, and it was really nice... And that's a wrap!

Kings and Queens

2010-01-03T08:06:00.001-08:00

Hello, and welcome to 2010, and to all, Happy New Year! =D The new year has dawned upon us, and brings many a change and mystery... All to play for innit?

This is my first note of the year, and the new year was OK... Unlike many who went to partied or clubbing, I spent my new year in my house, outside my garden, watching the fireworks, calling and texting all my friends... I guess it was alright, kinda fun, and I got to wish my closest ones a Happy New Year! =D

The new year, the 1st day, I went to witness my cousin's engagement, so balik kampung for the 1st day... Kinda nice and relaxing, and it was funny, although long... Still, I got to learn... And later I went to my uncle's house, and met my cousins, nice... =D its been a while since I last went there...

2nd day, my mum's workmate had a wedding reception at Hongkod, or KDCA Hall, and we went, and the place was empty! So unlike Ka'amatan season, where the whole place was alive, awesome! Today, however, it was quiet, with the exception of the reception, so enjoyed it as well, the place brought many memories to me, so nostalgic... But then at night I cried, because of something that dawned on me...

3rd day, today, was the last day of holiday, and sadly, the last day for a long time that I will be able to meet my sis Bianca... yeah, from now on her HP will be taken, so no text and calls during school... I'm OK with that, its for her own good also, but it'll be sad that I can't talk 2 her and share things and experiences... =( this holidays I really got close with my besties, and I can't imagine if I can't contact with them all again, that's scary... =(

I really miss my lil sis, coz she and I share alot of secrets with each other, and trust... Guess this is the test of time, whether after this we can still communicate the way it used to be... Until then, take care sis! <3 ya! =) I don't care if people don't understand this, as long as I have this family, I will keep them in my heart... They're what I have, and I really treasure each and everyone of them... =)

So as a new year dawns, and I hope this year I can be a better person, and maintain my studies, as well as keeping in touch with all my friends, and (most of all) getting fitter! hahahaha! That's a must, I need to get fit to start training soon!

Bianca Biancie budu budu! Miss ya! =P!

What a decade 2000-2009!

2009-12-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

Alas, not only the year is ending, but also the decade 2000-2009, its been a wonderful and amazing decade, not only in terms of my progress, but as with all the memories also... School, life, friends, all amazing, all awesome...

The year has been great, so so so many memories, and places, but with it also comes sadness and downs, for I will miss them alot... This Christmas season, carolling, I will never forget, and I got my wish and dream come true, and I'm thankful for that... =)

The decade is mostly about school, heck from 2000-2007 it makes up 8/10 years of my life in school! I miss the school days, the camaderie, the friendship, the people, and the suspense that greets us every new school year... And most of all, before exams we would go study together at the library, and end up having some great times!

During school days, especially in secondary school, 2003-2007, I had many moments with classmates and friends, really unforgettable, and went through alot of moments, good, bad and embarassing! hahaha!

One of them was in 2006, when I was in form 4, and we had Gap students from UK for our school, so basically they were helping out and teaching us, and when it was their last day, I remember lots of students wanted to say goodbye, and my friend Anthea really wanted to take a pic with them, so she rushed to the office, and me being the photographer, had to chase her and the gap students all around school! It was tiring and really funny, but in the end, managed to take pics and say goodbye... XD!

Another thing I can't forget in school was my best friends around me, Alvin, Mortigou, Leslie, Jonathan, 1 gang 5 org... haha... funny owh! and also Lorenzo, Zeff talking about American Idol always (syg dat time I had no Star World.. =( huhu...) and the Happy Family, and the Boys at the Back, 5 Makmur 2007, all awesome! Really miss those times!

Also, Lifeteen 2005-2008 (yeah I joined in late 2005) was another period of my life where It was awesome as well! The camps, sessions, Lifenites, healing, prayer, worship, I really missed it, and I guess now I need it more then I ever do... I miss the camaderie, the sessions, and I learned alot, and grew alot... Not to mention the friends and family that I found in you all, thank you! =D I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world... Thank God that I found all this!

Besides that, all my friends, thank you for making my years, and the decade, every one of you I meet is really great, so give yourself a big hand and a drink! Thank you everyone, and let's look forward to the next decade and beyond! =D

All The Way North...

2009-12-30T07:36:00.000-08:00

The world in the rear view mirror
Says goodbye further and further away
You turn around towards your back
The side of your face is still very beautiful
I use my vision to chase
I unexpectedly hear your tears

Lingering outside the car window
Is the chance I missed
You are standing in position
Tears across the middle of you and me
The view of the street has been recoiling all along
The bits and pieces of your collapse are outside the window

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
You say you are very tired
You already have no way to fall in love with anyone else
The wind blows on the mountain road
The frames in the past are all my wrongs
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you

The world in the rear view mirror
Says goodbye further and further away
You turn around towards your back
The side of your face is still very beautiful
I use my vision to chase
I unexpectedly hear your tears

Lingering outside the car window
Is the chance I missed
You are standing in position
Tears across the middle of you and me
The view of the street has been recoiling all along
The bits and pieces of your collapse are outside the window

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
You say you are very tired
You already have no way to fall in love with anyone else
The wind blows on the mountain road
The frames in the past are all my wrongs
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
The steering wheel encompasses
Rotating around my regrets
I speed up to exceed it
Yet I can't lose the grief following closely
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you
Stop the heartlessness
Just let wrong be pure

2009: The Year In Review

2009-12-08T09:23:00.000-08:00

The time of the year has come, to do a look back on what has been a momentous year, a year full of surprises, drama, and above all, bridging the gap between the past and the future... The year 2009 has brought many a trials and tribulations, and many challenges, but it all could have easily been gone so wrong... The year started like 2008, in Singapore, and that’s where the story begins...

January

The year started with me still in Singapore, still hangover from the Super Series Masters Finals in Likas, then straight off to Singapore, and when I returned home, I was mentally exhausted, but far from it all being over, it only had just begun... It was the 3^rd semester in college, and it was one of the toughest ever... Meanwhile our era in LT was over, and it was hard to initially keep up with the fact that it was over... It all seemed so recent that we were still in, now we’re on the outside looking in... The month was generally quiet, nothing much happening, so not much to say here...

February

The semester got ridiculous as we entered February, we had 9, yes NINE! Assignments all at once! It was crazy, how did I survive this tumulus period is incredible... This really made my year, I had overcome a big obstacle, and it somehow gave me confidence, and from there it just took off... Meanwhile, I and Walter were given one last chance to join LT choir, and it was emotional... It was on Valentine’s Day, and we stayed behind, and that night seems to be a turning point in my life... Yes, it was sad to leave LifeTeen, but we all have to move on, and that night was the start of a new life... Also, this month I was accepted to be one of the RAY camp leaders, and all month we had training and preparation for the camp in March...

March

My birthday month! As usual, nothing happens on my birthday... We had bro Jerome’s birthday party at TNGC, and it was fun! Thanks Jerome! I really appreciate it bro! =) Then it was RAY camp time! The camp was awesome, and I got a lot of experience, learned a lot, and really had fun working with the people during the camp, and experience what it’s like to organise and lead a camp, instead of just being the participant... That definitely taught me a lot... And the fact that the camp was in Bundu Tuhan, made it all nice! Probably that was the only highlight of the month, and the fact that FINALLY I finished all my 9 assignments!! YEAH! What a semester!

April

April Fools! And April means... Final Exams! Thankfully, I passed all my subjects, and got an A, but not good enough to get an award... No matter... The month reunited me with 2 people very close to me, whom I haven’t met in a long time, Aldric and Maxine! I really missed them, and it was so nice to meet them again, and especially Maxine! =) Also, the month saw me make my 1^st outing, and I went out with Trish, Gabby, Serene, Sammy, Adam, Walter and Dominic... Nice day out!

May

May was the start of my 4^th semester, and at last an easier semester than the last, although it was still tough... LT bazaar at the start was OK, not many people compared to last year’s, which was pretty sad, but still OK... Then went to CMI twice for events, Harvest Festival celebration, with Walter, Serene, Sammy, Gabby and the rest, and it was cool! But the real surprise was at the end of the month, when I got a last minute call to volunteer as helpers for LT camp, which meant that I was going to the camp, via the back door! And I really had a great experience from the other point of view; from what was it like to deal with camp... hehe... The month was awesome coz of the camp!

June

June was the jazz month, we had the KK Jazz Fest which I really enjoyed and was really awesome... In terms of pictures taken and moments had, the first half of the year January to June was kind of low key, except for the two camps... The KK Jazz Fest was really nice, top stuff, brilliant jazz music, and of course, Double Take! Wow! Then after that it was SHC Family Day, one of the few this year incidentally... and this day stood out for me, because of what happened during and after this day, and it’s something I still am scratching my head over... No matter, now it’s over, so let’s move on...

July

INTI Night, my college’s annual dinner, and St. Simon Youth Night, were 2 events that stood out... First, the college dinner was nice, although there were some complications, but overall I enjoyed the night, and the food was great... XD! Then there was a good luck and farewell (now they’re back on holiday though!) to a few of my friends, Rick, Trish and Cassie... Then the big one, the youth night, featuring LifeTeen, Lifeline and the youth groups! It was an awesome night, and again I got to meet my old friend, Maxine, as well as some friends that I haven’t met in a while... I really like it, and hope there will be another one next year!

August

August was a good month, despite the exam month, and last minute assignments were no more thankfully... My best friend Alvin came back from France (ah bonjour!) and we got to spend time and hang out with some old buddies, and had a great time! Then there were the final exams, and a 2 week holiday at the end! The end of the month saw us bidding farewell to Angeline, who was continuing her studies in China, all the best! Overall it was a quiet month...

September

The month September was to prove to be a month of changes, of emotions and happenings... The month started with a concert by Roger Wang and Re:mix Orchestra from Singapore, and I really loved their matinee concert, really nice performance, jazz! Then I had my new semester in college, and It was a transition, as I was elected into the student council, known as INTIMA, which to be honest, I don’t know whether I can handle it or not, hopefully I can.. Then RAY had a visit to MV Doulos the ship, and it was a fun day out... Then the big one: Father Stan Fortuna Youth Rally in Foochow Hall! It was the biggest 2 days of my life, and the experience was awesome! I will never forget this for all my life, and despite what happened, it will only bring all of us great memories! =) I will never forget the sessions, the talks, the performances, and my friends, brothers and sisters!

October

The month started off with a bang, with my INTIMA ceremony, and college visit to the Lok Kawi Zoo, then the SHC Bazaar on 4^th October, 3 events in 4 days... Of course October is exam month for my 5^th semester, and I spent the whole month studying at library, or trying to, and also hanging out with friends... Then I had my awards ceremony, and I got a prize for getting good results during my 4^th semester, and I’m happy I achieved something again! Then it was Kimberly’s birthday at Kbox... The month ended with the 1^st Joint Interact Dinner, which I went to just to see how my old pals are doing, and follow my friends and cousin! =)

November

Finally it was my yearend holiday! I’m so relieved! =) The month was awesome! I got to enjoy, relax, and hang out with people, and I was invited to Samuel’s birthday party (Thanks Sam!) and had a water-filled fun, and enjoyed it... Then it was carolling practice time, meaning Christmas season is now upon us! Then on 21^st November, the big day, it was LifeTeen’s Frederick Wong and Gloria Chiew’s wedding! Congratulations! It was a very nice and blessed wedding... The month ended with another carolling practice for RAY and LT... The only problem was: which one? In the end, for various reasons, I went with LT... And I think I made the right call... So on with carolling!

December

December means carolling time! I eventually went with LifeTeen, because so many ex-Lifeteeners returned to join for carolling, and I didn’t want to miss out, and also I get to go carolling with my lil sis Bianca and cuz Sammy! =) So our group was under Mel Aud, and in our carolling group was Dina, Joanne, Tim, Bianca, Sammy, Gabby, Jasmine, Stannia, Aristotle, Malcolm, and Mel Aud with Boly... We went to some unexpected places, like Sembulan, the Fire Station, Police quarters, and even Waterfront! But all in all, it was a great experience, and I enjoyed spreading the Good News, and carolling, and leading all of them... haha... Yeah, I’m the only stand-out, so it was funny... The nights that Mel Aud rested, Friday and Tuesday, I joined Dominic’s group, and had fun being reunited with old friends and some new ones as well... So overall, from Monday 7^th to Tuesday 15^th, it was hectic, but great!

Besides that, I had a day out with all my friends and family, and almost all made it the 1^st time round, which I’m so happy! Those that went were Aldric, Johenson, Javier, Bianca, Sammy, Serene, Gabby, Trish, Jason, Theodora, sad that Jerome and Walter couldn’t make it... Got to spend time with Aldric, it’s been a long time since I went out with him, and the rest... I will never forget that day, 2^nd December 2009! =) Then the next day, I went out with my old classmates, and had fun, and really missed them! I’m glad and happy to meet them all again! =) We went Karaoke, and then watched Ninja Assasin... wakaka bloody work! XD! So happy to spend time with them! Then the next day again (yes, 3 straight days out) I went out with my best friends Angelica and Francess, and we went to watch New Moon... well, OK lah, nice, but at times boring... forgive me Twilighters... hahaha... Then we took sticker pics and went jalan2... =)

Then 8^th December I went out with Aldric, Bianca, Jerome, Cassie and her friends, and we watched Couples Retreat, lawak gila babi! Hahaha! Awesome comedy! Lawak bah! Everyone should watch it! (But be warned: 18 and above... =P!) still, it was awesome! XD! So December has been all about carolling and 4 days out with friends... wow!

-----

So far, from January to December right after carolling, the year has been a rollercoaster, but then again life isn’t always happy and on the up, and no year is perfect... It’s how we live through these imperfections and learn from our mistakes, and how to turn those bad times into good... I’ve had some great moments, and I really cherish them all... And also, a big shoutout to my family, Aldric, Johenson, Bianca, Jerome, Sammy, Gabby, Serene, Walter, and everyone, thanks for everything, and I really love you all! =)

I will always cherish and remember this year, despite all the problems and difficulties that I had, and I sincerely hope that things will be the same again...

Roll on 2010!

The crush of love...

2009-12-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

I wonder, as im turning 20 next year, how much of a progress have I made in life personally... I feel that I haven't been progressing, maybe even going backwards, and I'm really worried... To be honest, I'm exactly where I am in life as in 3 years ago, and I haven't really progressed from that, besides my studies of course... I feel awkward... I don't have a driving license (always busy, never had time to start it damn!), I don't have a girlfriend (frustrating juga la... haha!), I'm still the same, I don't have this or that, or I have this or that which I shouldn't have... You get the picture...

Sometimes I feel good about myself, sometimes I don't... Like there's always something better I can do... Part of this stems from the fact that I'm always thinking, always planning, thinking alot, and thinking about others... I hate my brain, it's always on, but I'm not smart either! I always think about different things, like how this and that, about sport... AAAH!

One day I'm high and happy coz of my family, now I'm down coz of this... haizz... I hate this you know... I only want to remember the good things... And let's keep it that way!

Love is... a crush... crush of love... What is love? Is love the feelings that are bound together by a single thread that links us all?

Once upon a time in Scotland...

2009-12-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up, I loved to listen to instrumental music, especially celtic music, folk, Scottish, traditional, they were all nice... And it reminded me of my childhood, growing up to these tunes, and pretty much knowing about Scotland long before I was now...

Nowadays I listen to pretty much everything, blues, jazz, rock, pop, country, RnB, anything that's cool, has a rhythm, and I like listening to... Especially blues and jazz, love the rhythm, and wish I could play like that... One of those I love listening to is modern jazz, smooth and rhythmic...

Someday I would like to record my own compositions, and hopefully let people hear... So far, in my life, I think I wrote many, many songs, some wonderful, some meaningful, and some that I wrote during times of difficulties... I hope that I can go and do a proper demo, with some friends...

Today has been a wonderful day, one month in the planning, and finally it happened today, and because some couldn't make it, we're gonna do it again next Tuesday! =) Finally I get to go out with my bro n sis after a long while together! =) And we get to jalan2 and take pics, so happy! hehe... Hope we can go out again before I go away... Gonna miss them and I'm already missing them, esp Aldric! XD!

Which brings me to this: I love my brothers! They're awesome! =P I love Aldric, he's been my bro for like forever, it feels like real, even though he's always busy (yeah, kadang2 frustrating juga la... haha! XD!) but then this happens... yeah... hehe... and this year, Jerome's been awesome kan? hahaha! always meet every Friday and Saturday, and bila jalan.. XD! Also, Johenson mmg cool la... haha... mcm bestfren sa sudah oh! =P

This year, if really think about it, has been nice, although many downs, but the ups mmg kick! XD!

A tune for Northumbria...

2009-12-01T07:58:00.000-08:00

Upon the seaside lays a shipyard
Many hundred years old
A history older than us all
A legacy to be proud of

The ships have come and go along the years
Bringing with it many a tale
One of survival and adventure
Across the seven seas

There laid a coal mine along the Tyne
Miners dig its core to the ground
All in hope to find the gold
Future guarantees of a better life

The north east was so tough
Workers seeking a better future
Ships come and go everyday
All around us buildings to be done

Learn a lesson from this story
One of hard work and honesty
Earning a paycheck day to day
Living life on the edge...

Winter time...

2009-12-01T07:10:00.000-08:00

Although we never had any snow here, or even winter, I wish I can experience it one day, in a country with my special ones... I love the winter season, it brings so many memories of childhood past...

When I was a little kid, I used to watch the telly, and during winter, they would show all these programs about winter, christmas, that really piqued my interest, and I used to wonder how would winter feel like... If you have ever watched christmas programmes before, or even about winter, then the feeling, this mysterious feeling, yet one of eagerness, and tenderness... Winter really brings out of us the kid in us... =)

Everytime it was December, and Christmas is around the corner, there is that feeling of winterness in all of us... I loved to watch the snow fall, even if its on telly, or from pictures, but somehow I felt really part of it, as the snow falls, it feels like I'm in the middle of it...

This year has really been a crazy year, that has been full of ups and downs.. But I promised my sis that we will remember all the positives, and remember the good times, and learn from the bad moments... I promised my sis and talked to her about this... =) And she's an awesome sis! I love her! =P! hahaha... And I love my cuz also! hehe... they're awesome! Whenever I'm down, they will cheer me up and pick me up... Aww! I love Bianca and Sammy! =)

Soon maybe I will write a review of my year... Till then, bye for now!

There comes a time...

2009-11-30T08:34:00.000-08:00

There comes a time
When nothing lasts forever
And what has been said and done
All to be forgotten

There comes a time in a person's life
When the one whom you care for
And care for you
Starts to drift apart

There comes a time
When siblings start to grow apart
They talk less and less
Thinking that it is not neccesary

But for this world
It is neccesary
For things that seem subtle
May turn out to be the biggest part of your life

It's sad that we have grown apart
You know I will always care for you
Even though you never cared for me
Only for a while it seems

There comes a time
When someone has to say goodbye
To leave this town
Forever...

Alone

2009-11-30T08:22:00.000-08:00

Why don't you leave me alone?
Why do you have to keep pushing me
I'm on the edge of disaster
To the point of no breaking back

This is my last second chance
To put everything right
Yet you make it this way
The hard way, no easy way

After all that I have done
All I ask for is for some freedom
Freedom of choice
To follow my heart

All my life I have wanted
To do something right
Yet you never let me do
Just dictating what I do

Life is never easy.. But it is never hard either...

Simply bored...

2009-11-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

I can seriously die of loneliness, boredom and frustration now, I was so close yet so far… I was already knocking on the door, and to find that I then went home is absolutely frustrating… I don’t blame anyone, but it’s so frustrating, and i’m bitterly disappointed at not being able to join my mates… Instead what has been a boring and frustrating Saturday night got even worse… Bitterly disappointed….

Tennessee Line...

2009-11-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

I open my lungs to breathe in forgiveness and love
Haunting me now reminders of how I used to be
And on down the road my troubles are sure to follow
Looking out the window, the hell if know where I will go
So I'll just keep on driving

On my way to L.A. looking into the rear view as the roads fade away
I've sworn off my past, first to last bad call that I ever made
Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned?
So this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my mind, well it's my heart I'll follow this time

Who would've known that pride is so hard to swallow
As I rest on the shoulder of a road growing colder
With the trouble I own, should I just keep on driving?

On my way to L.A. looking into the rear view as the roads fade away
I've sworn off my past, first to last bad call that I ever made
Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned?
So this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my, well it's my heart I'll follow this time

I know I must be doing something
Head the other way, back to where I started out
Ask myself if I can turn it all around tonight
And stop living with doubt

On my way to L.A. looking into the rear view as the roads fade away
I've sworn off my past, first to last bad call that I ever made
Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned?
So this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my mind, well it's my heart I'll follow this time

I'm gonna turn it all around tonight at the Tennessee line...

(It’s a great song by Daughtry and Vince Gill, a country legend… wonderful!)

Both sides...

2009-11-16T05:21:00.000-08:00

On one hand, I wish this year can end quickly, coz it's been a rough year, apart from a few ups and highlights, its mostly been horrific, like a worst nightmare... Everything I tried to do, I failed almost all the time... This has been a year highlighted by failures, and really stinks... If there weren't any highlights, then it would have been a bad year...

On the other hand, I ain't looking forward to next year either.. I'm gonna say goodbye to my teenage years (what explosive years! XD!) and turn 20, and I'm not really in the mood or looking forward to it now... I'm gonna have to leave those years behind me, and I don't wana lose all the memories that I have, and the friends that I made.. Plus, its my final year, and I am not too excited about that...

All in all, I'm in a lose-lose situation... haih.. =( I hate this, you know? And more so, when I talked to my mum, it makes it even worse... go figure...

As the year is ending, and the christmas season is coming, I have been reflecting back on this year, all the ups and downs, and a continuation from last year... Last christmas season, during the holidays, were the best, and hopefully this year I can do it again... I wanted to last Sunday, then at the last moment my lil bro cant make it, so postponed again... haih...

This year has been a really interesting year, with many highlights, firsts and acheivements... Maybe soon I will do a recap of the year in review... =)

Splashing day...

2009-11-14T06:30:00.000-08:00

It was a rainy day, that perfectly summed up today: wet and wild! haha! It was Samuel's 16th birthday over at TNGC, and it started off raining, but soon it subsided, so the others went off into the pool, and chaos ensued! It was wild and wet all over, splash here and there, and they really had a good time in the pool... It was a cool party, and thanks! =)

Then after that I went home, then the bad news came... Aldric told me that he couldn't come tomorrow, so the plan to go jalan2 and have some time together with my bro, sis and friends are off... =( this was really down, after I planned already, then call it off.. haih.. I'm sad coz of that now... Now I have to wait 2 weeks for the next chance... I can't wait! =( Hope the next time it can go through.. I want a memory with them this year, and have some quality time, just like last year...

Remembrance Day 2009...

2009-11-11T07:46:00.001-08:00

Today, 11-11 is a day to honour the brave soldiers and all those who fought so bravely during the war, and this is a Remembrance Day... Poppy flowers in memory...

And today is a day I will never forget, in other words I will remmeber, not for the right or wrong reasons, but it was a surprise day, one that shook me, but ended up OK, so call it bittersweet, call it up and down...

Today started off well, then in the afternoon, one big shock, an emergency, I don't think I want to talk about it here, only my sis and best friend know, but it was really a shock, but in the end it was alright, although not without any worries! This day can't be more appropriate, on Remembrance Day...

Also, congrats to my sis, and her school, the team, for winning the national competition! hehe... congrats Bianca! =P! I'm proud of ya! hehe... That leads me to wonder, they got a great reception when they went home as champions...

What if anyone had been a world champion, coming from Malaysia, for example badminton... Malaysia has never produced a world champion in badminton, so maybe it's time to rise to the top? =)

This setback today has really made me stop and think about life, and made me realise alot, but I wonder, how come I managed to handle it so cool, when it was a huge emergency? haha...

To Brandon, I wish you a speedy recovery, and it's good to hear you getting well, and I hope you will be alright! =)

I guess life goes on... Battle Studies, coming out by John Mayer! (John, you beauty, love your work, and I oughta get paid for advertising you mate.. haha! kidding...)

Aching Hunger...

2009-11-09T07:25:00.000-08:00

It's kinda funny, just sitting here, listening to a composition by Steve Vai, Par Brahm, just listening to something so simple, yet so insightful, the melody's simple, yet intense... As I sit here, waiting for my friends to go online, and chat... Waiting for her to online MSN and play webcam! haha! Jacq, ingat ah! haha... yeah, waiting for her to come online... mana bah ko ni... haha...

As I sit here and listen to the music, my mind kind of floated into the distance, with the music, and the feeling, one of relaxation and peace, is nice, and its been a long time since I actually had time to sit and just unwind... And I thought of all the moments in the past, I had with people, and then I went back into now, and the song ends, and its back home...

I'm feeling kind of strange now, I don't know why... Oh well...

Echoes of a distant sound...

2009-11-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

... the sound that says "I'm not wanted" and "Time to go away" seems to be endlessly ringing in my ears... No surprise here eh?

"And now the end is here, and so I face the final curtain, I did it my way" and I'm happy that I did it my way, to be friendly to everyone, to care for everyone, to be there, be a good person, and be close to everyone... And If they don't like me for who I am, then bugger all...

"For long you live and high you fly, and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry"all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be... so be it... I want to live a long life, a life full of laughter and joy, and to be with the ones I love... =)

"All I ever wanted was a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you" and that's how I want it to be, but things are never what they seem to be, isn't it?

It's been a hectic week, and what happened on Friday really shocked and stunned me, because of the gravity of the situation, and its really been a strange few days... I'm praying that they will be alright... Pray for them...

Not the holiday I had in mind, have lots of stuff to do, but I enjoy it, I get to go out with people and loved ones that I haven't met in a long time... I miss my bro Aldric, hope he's OK, i miss my sis Bianca, she's in Pahang now for competition, all da best (update: they won I think... congrats!)... I miss my friends, I miss the moments last year, last xmas... Everything!

I'm really in a fragile state of mind, shocked, confused of what's happening, and it's really bothering me... =(

Down the street...

2009-10-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

I know the exams are just around the corner, but I can't stand it, I had to just let it out, I'm so depressed and down over everything, and It's really affecting me... And I know that I'm not the only one, everyone has their own problems, all just seem to be coming these last few days... I really feel sorry for myself and everyone... I feel bad, but at the same time understand why this is happening... And the solution? Let go, forget everything, lest we never met, and all...

That, in itself, is never easy... It's never easy to say goodbye or farewell to someone you really care for, who is part of your family, and is very close to you... To suddenly part ways is very hard, and after the exams, maybe it's time to settle everything... I guess it's the differences, those moments that defined it all, those moments that show that it's really hard to expect the same things to continue... People change, they adapt, and they forget... One minute they're very close to you and seem part of your family, the next thing they find someone else and then you're pretty much forgotten... =(

I guess it's reached the time to say goodbye to all my young friends and loved ones, and start to move on... I'm turning 20 next year, and I can't expect to still stay with people that are (quite) younger then me... I feel so old, and I'm trying to act young, but I cannot avoid that fact anymore, so I guess now is the time to get ready and be ready for 20's life... I missed the times, I am going to miss the people, especially certain friends, my bro and sis, all of whom I really love and care, and I will never forget them, they have been a huge part of my life, and I can't thank them enough...

All this while trying to be ready for exams, so forget everything for a week, study for exams, and then we'll see how...

I have the words, now I need the music...

2009-10-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

(Without wanting to blow my own trumpet) I have the words in my head, all I need is the music... I have the melody in my head, and if I can learn the chords and music, I can write a song... Sometimes when i write songs, the melody is in my head, and it's hard to explain to people, because it's in my head, I can sing or hum it out...

I hope someday to turn my words into songs, and to the tune that I want it to sound like... Everyone has their own interpretations of songs, be it mine or someone else, and that is why it is hard to get the song to sound the way I intended it to be... Which is cool also, I get to hear other people's inter pretation of my songs, and my lyrics, to what they want it to sound like...

I love jazz and standards, as well as rock and blues, so you could say I'm all versatile.. Sometimes I write songs for one, sometimes for another, so that is another factor... Now play the music! XD!

Layer by Layer

2009-10-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

One by one
The layers started to fall
The cracks begin to appear
On what was used to be

Your face your smile your touch
All just a fragment of my mind
Failure to deceive the host
All seem like lies to me

Every layer revealed
Every part of you
All lies and deceit
Just a part of the scheme

So why don't you get lost
Get out of my fragile mind
Begone all ye days of past
All a fragment of my imagination

Frustration boiling over

2009-10-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

I hate to feel frustrated every Saturday night, stuck at home at nights, no friends for company, nothing to do but fool around, and everytime I want to see my sis, she go running of everytime, very frustrating to even get a moment to settle and talk to her, I mean, after all, she is my sis, but its very difficult... It's like im pushed way down the order... Now I know how Fernando Alonso feels, to be the 4th, 5th person, not the ones in front, but at the bottom... Every week I wait and wait, and eventually nothing happens...

The problem is if i go and talk to her about it, then problems will come up and she will say some things which might come to regret later; if I don't talk about it and keep quiet and get even more hurt, I'm the one that will feel hurt, confused and frustrated... Either way, I lose... It's very frustrating.. I know she doesn't mean it and she's a nice person, and all, but this is very frustrating, its like she's not my sis at all... I mean, since a few months ago already I wanted to plan to spend some time with my own sis, and it never happened, always there's something that is on... hmmmm...

I hate to feel frustrated and aggreived everytime I come home on a Saturday night, and I really can't stand it anymore.. I want to get out, go about town, hang out abit, go do some stuff, go around town, enjoy a couple of drinks, anything on a Saturday night... My life sucks, its so boring, I'm a total loser, people try to avoid me coz im not even close to be good looking... Once again, here it comes, that sense of rejection and avoidance... I'm daliancing with danger...

This is what happens when I have nothing better to do but sit around and feel all so lonely... Loneliness and boredom, a dangerous mix of cocktail... Whenever I feel down and all, I love to watch some tennis matches, beacuse unlike football, Im watching to learn a thing or two, and distract my mind off the real world... At least I'm watching brilliant passing shots and forehand winners rather that backstabbing and bullshit of the world... That's what it is to me now...

Watching tennis matches really helps calm the mind down, and you can learn so much from watching and listening to the commentators, former players et al. Brilliant. Or even badminton, for those of you more inclined to this, like me, I love to watch both... But NOT football, never watch it when your team is losing and you're on a dogfight of a life, it will only make matters worse... Go out, have a hit on the tennis or badminton court with your pals and kids, nice excercise...

For now, guess I'll head into bed with an uneasy mind and a broken heart... Try that... This world sucks...

Sorrow...

2009-10-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

I am so not looking forward to turning 20 so soon... It feels like just yesterday I was sweet 16 and enjoying life, now in a few months time I have to say goodbye to my teenage years, and not enjoying life at all now... Gosh if only I can turn back time... Too late for regrets...

I don't know why, I am just not enjoying life as much as I used to, maybe its all the work, assignments, INTIMA, and all... To be honest, I still can't believe I'm in my college student body, I don't know whether I can handle the responsibilites or not, and whether I can do a good job or not... And honestly I'm still not ready for it, there's gonna be alot of work, I hope it will not distract my studies and diploma, that comes 1st, if at any time it clashes with my studies, then maybe I have to leave the student body to concentrate on my diploma...

On life, It seems that I'm not enjoying it as much as I used to... I've kinda lost my way around now, and I don't seem to know what to do.. Even simple things, I screw up... It's very hard.. As soon as the exams are over, I really need to do some soul searching and clear up the air with some people... It's getting more and more tough... I am confident though I can go through my studies, I will... It's the other aspects that is dragging me down...

Lately as I got older, I seemed to blog less, until recently, when I would blog every few days, back to the old days, when everytime I have something to let out, here comes my bloggie to be there for me... =) hehe... better than people, sometimes they're there for you, sometimes they don't care about you... No wonder the quality of life is deteriorating more and more... Sorrow fills the air...

I'm supposed to be doing my assignment now, but I don't know how to do it, so close to completion, only a part away, but that part is hard for me to elaborate, as I can't find the neccesary information anywhere... haizz... Guess after this I have to work on it real hard!

They say you only appreciate the ones you love after they're gone, and it's especially true here, I've been missing my best friends who are all studying here and there now, and especially the ones that really helped me alot and all... I really miss you all, and I hope you all come back to KK soon... =(

Why is my heart so in pain and sorrow now? When I should be happy at what I have and all the people around me? Is it because of one or two that really matter?

Feeling let down and used... again... broken record....

2009-10-10T06:09:00.000-07:00

Still thinking about that dream I had, and still the effects are there on me, it was so powerful, so wonderful yet the realisation is so shocking... It was bittersweet...

I'm really emotionally tired, it has been a stressful year and all, one of the most enjoyable but equally one of the most frustrating as well... Being nice and caring does not pay off, believe me... I can't believe I'm so far down the order of certain people now... If they are not with their partners, they're with their friends... When they are bored or they need some help, then they look for me, otherwise they all forgot about me... When I go looking for their them, they don't bother and take me for granted... And its those that are close to me, not simply any friends...

I feel as if slowly I'm being played out and left farther and farther in the cold by my own people, my own siblings, who for instance, never bother to send me a hello or how ya doing and all... I can't blame them, they're not my own siblings, after all I don't have any blood relations... But I felt that they can do more and after all the promises and words that was said, it's kinda letting down...

If you think I'm childish, fine, I won't contest that, coz its true, I admit it, but I'm not childish to a point where I suffer in my studies... That has never been a problem for me so far, and for a point to prove, I got the Merit award in my college with my classmate and friends... I'm also grown up now where I can stop and explain myself for every action, and to justify it... And I hope my studies will continue to do well...

It's hard for me to even get a sibling's moment with them, what else if they're busy all the time? I will just have to wait and wait... Time waits for no men, they say, so there has to be a limiting point, question is when will that be? Everytime I have a moment I want to share, all I can do is share it her to my dear bloggie...When I want to talk about things and just have a talk, only my bloggie is available... What a sad life...

My poor blog, my place to let out my feelings, my thoughts, emotions, everything over the last 6 years and counting... I really love you, my bloggie, coz your the only one who would listen to me and all... Gosh what am I saying?! hahahaha... Yup its true bah... At the end of the day, here I am in my blog... Not with friends, not with my family (they're watching TV outside), not with my brothers and sisters (they all forgot about me suda... haha!), but my blog... Life... Sounds like a broken record rite? Well, that's my life, broken...

Over the years I can't count how many times I've been heartbroken, used, let down and all, really sounds like a broken record... If you all read this and think, haiya broken record betul2, ada saja, then I'm sorry, what can I say? Friends are around to help us up and cheer us up, and if you think I'm a broken record, then I don't know you well...

Wish I can just get out of this place and start afresh, no one knows me, only me against the world... That would be a dream... Reality? One damn assignment waiting and exams in 2 weeks, then 2 months holiday.. At least I have 2 months to plan my next month and settle everything, and hope what I feel above is no longer there...

I guess this is my longest post in a long time because I simply cannot stand my heart in pain anymore, and I have lots to say, so I'm sorry bloggie... =) I have lots to say these last few weeks, and I've been keeping it in my heart so long... Time to let the cat out of the bag.. But no matter what I say, I will still love you all and promise to be friends forever k! <3 I will still love my brothers and sisters no matter how much they may have hurt me or let me down, I will still be there for them until they decide otherwise... <3

Guess that's it... now back to the boring real world...

The nights of wonder...

2009-10-08T03:53:00.000-07:00

It finally happened... I cracked... I burst into tears... Confusion... Happiness... Sadness... Regret... Tears flew down all over and there was no one there to be with me, for I was alone... All alone in tears... The best and worst rolled into one...

It started when I went to sleep at midnight, as usual, nothing different.. Then I had a wonderful dream, that was really touching, and it involved my dear friends, bro and sis, whom I miss very much, and seldom able to talk to, and in the dream, I was with them and it was a fun atmosphere, it was really wonderful... For once I felt that sense of belonging, that sense of family, and all, and I really enjoyed it... But then I woke up after I had a short breath... I knew I had to wake up, it was ending, and I was suffering, I couldn't breathe, so I woke up....

When I woke up, it all seemed so real, so life like, but when I turned around and I looked around my room, I knew it was only a dream... I felt so happy, then I started crying, and I felt sad, because I knew that the dream will never come true... So I cried again and again, and it was 1.30 am, i only slept for an hour plus, but I couldn't sleep anymore, I wanted to cry, and just sat blank...

I think all the pressure, all the pain, all the situation in my life had reached somewhat of a braking point... I couldn't take it anymore, I was suffering for too long inside my heart... This cry of pain probably was the burst... I was happy, yes, but upon realisation that it was a dream, it turned to sadness... I really want that dream again, and I want it to come true, because it was what I'd always wanted: family and friends....

This last few weeks has been really tough for me emotionally, and even though I'm doing well in my studies, that couldn't hide the pain I feel inside...

I love you bro and sis, and I hope that this dream will come true... I managed to talk to you, hang out with you, and we talked and talked as if it was really my family... But now I know that will never happen...

Perhaps the only way I will ever feel happy again is to leave this place and start all over again in another town...

I had to let this out...

2009-10-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

I've had a weird week or two, and it's been a tough ride... I don't know why, just now in the afternoon, I just had the sudden urge to walk away from college and go to the nearby beach up the road... Its like, walk and walk and walk, and then reflect in the beach... It just came to me, and heck I nearly did it if i didn't have any meeting... It was like I wanted to get away from this world that hurt so much but equally, love so much as well...

It's been a tough week, and lots of doubts are in my head, and being injured with a sore back and shoulder didnt help... Everytime I start to think about my crush, and all, I start to get happy, then get sad, because I know I won't be able to be with her, coz of a few reasons... And I start to doubt myself, will I ever get a partner, whether I can have one, handle it and all... And slowly I begin to get sad with doubts... It's really bad....

Everytime I'm with friends, bro and sis, I feel happy, but when I go home, suddenly loneliness creeps in again, in this room, with no one around me... It's gettin pretty boring... I reach home and all sorts of wishes come into my head... Life alone really is boring... geez... Work and assignments aren't helping but hindering, and I can't wait for the holidays, then I can plan what I want to do for my future, and welcome any plans that will be forthcoming...

Life's up and down, that's life, and now hopefully after this downs, there will be ups... If only I had just walked to the beach and just let it all out, I would be much more relaxed...

I love you all, but I just don't know whether I can love you all really or not... That's how bad my self doubt is...

Guitar man

2009-09-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

Once there was a man
And his guitar
They thrilled the world
With their songs and laughs

They toured the world
To filled out stadiums and fans
One after another
A big rollercoaster

Years gone by like sand
What was once a show
Was now a silence
Consigned to the past

With his broken strings he played on
Without a murmur or sight
As the days begin numbered
The end approaching near

Broken strings, broken heart
What does it matter?
Once on top, now bottom out
Keep playing on....

Only

2009-09-22T08:58:00.001-07:00

The day's bright and lovely
The sun's shining brightly
You look so lovely
The one love and only

The scene's so lovely
Bright shining lightly
Your face surrounds brightly
Im gonna snap this down slowly

The air's just calm and damp
The breeze is so lovely
Nothing can compare to
The beauty that shines from your face

The sun's slowly setting to the back
The night sky is emerging
No matter what time of day it is
Your radiance will shine forevermore...

Lessons in time...

2009-09-22T08:35:00.001-07:00

Look at the fellas down south
Doing so well in their tender years
Watching the vast fields of grey
For the foreign legion

With weapons in hand
And their backs to the wall
One by one they march
To fulfill the dreams of a nation

The answer is not war but love
The weapons are not guns but flowers
The lesson that we all have to learn
Is right in our hands

One by one the bombs go down
Matter of minutes and lives
Innocent ones gone together
At what price we have to pay?

Remember this forever, son
Never start a war
Never fight an unfair fight
Or it will never end...

Time for a change...

2009-09-22T04:26:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I just feel like changing, going away, walking away from everything and everyone, and just go far away... I just feel that now I'm no longer wanted here, like I'm only a disturbance to everyone... It's better just to get away from it all and start a new life elsewhere... Again, this is not quitting, but walking away, to prevent any more heartbreaks...

I mean, I care for people, but I don't seem to get that in return... This few days has been really crap, awful, and boring, and no one even bother to text me or drop me a line... When i say Hi or drop a line to people, i get no reply... Fine, if no one wants to talk to me, fine, so be it... And if your reading this and laughing and saying "Baru tau, sepa suruh" and all that crap, you dont know the full story...

Feels just like walking away... I've been so kind and caring enough, but funny enough, that brought so much more heartaches then being an ass and a bad person... Fine... This is what happens when I reach the crossroads... Susah2 I worry about ppl when they don't respond my text, then never reply me again... hmmph...

I really can't stand this anymore, I really want to let it all out... I wish I can just stop now, and release all this emotional baggage.. But I can't... My college again... haihh...

Pondering the next move...

Gone but not forgotten

2009-08-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you learn there’s no tomorrow
Hold hands, sing songs
Live life, till you’re gone
But not forgotten...

What do you do when you’re sad and heavy laden
You reach deep and beyond
Give love, till you’re gone
But not forgotten...

For those who went before
Why are they remembered?
They held our hands and sang their songs
Lived their lives ‘till they were gone
But not forgotten...

Find your light, turn it on
Shine it down on everyone...

(This is a very nice song by Peter Frampton, Gone But Not Forgotten, and it's a poignant tribute to those who have gone before us, and continue to live in us... Respect...)

The long highway...

2009-08-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

I might just call it a day... I've had a fantastic experience, I wouldn't trade it for anything... So it's fair that I'm gonna call it quits, hang up my boots and racing gloves, and do something else in life that's more worthwhile and relaxing, like fishing..

It's been a crazy ride, and I'm prepared to see out the remaining year of my diploma, and then venture away to somewhere far, and develop myself and gain new experiences... I'm getting stale and stagnant here, I'm not making any progress, and I'm keen to move out and learn... Don't get me wrong, I love it here, I don't really want to leave my friends and family behind, but I see that with all of them properly taken care of, and seeing that they don't need my help and care anymore, it's only time that I call it a day here and move on...

I can't lie, the reason I stayed here was because I had unfinished business, and now that's finished (actually, scrapped), I had to stay coz of family, and also some friends that I wanted to take care of... Now that they all are alright already, and since I'm of no need anymore, and they're all happy, this is a good time to start a new adventure... If it wasn't because of my cousins and friends, whom all I care for and really love, I would have left much earlier... They are the reason I'm still here.. Now that everything's settled...

My dream is to go to Europe, continue my studies, and venture into the Eastern Bloc, and learn all about the cultures... And finally, my favourite country Spain, I plan to finally settle there, in any region of Spain, preferably Barcelona/Catalonia... That is possible, now I have a year to make it a reality, make all the plans, and get it going!

So Europe here I come! Viva La Espana! Amigos, cabron, salute el campeones!

Time flies before you really know it...

2009-08-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's August already, time flies by really fast.. It's been a hectic year so far... So many things and exams in college, and no more Lifeteen, and my job in RAY... yeah, it's been a rollercoaster...

At this time last year, everyone, and me myself included, were welcoming the Beijing Olympics, and what a spectacle it was, it was awesome! The Olympics was one I will remember for a long time... And Lee Chong Wei made it all the way to the final, unfortunately losing to Lin Dan... But a silver medal is a great acheivement, so congrats to him!

This year has been a rollercoaster, with everything thrown out the window, and starting all over again... The initial shock that it was the end of an era in LT, was quickly gotten over by duties in RAY, and LT again, albeit only for the camp, but it was good... I really had a great time in RAY camp, being a leader, and that gave me a lot of experiences... And then there was LT camp, becoming a volunteer, and that was a different experience, and I enjoyed it, gave me a different perspective on the camp, and being a volunteer was fun and tiring, and thanks to my 7 fellow friends and volunteers for making it fun! haha... That also gave me experience, and it's nice...

Besides that, now and then there is Leadership Meeting by Derek for us leaders in RAY, and that has been good... I missed once coz i was busy (read: overslept.. XD!) and bsides that, it was cool.. haha... Thanks to the RAY leaders and fellow friends... lol..

Also, this year has been really topsy turvy, with many happy and sad moments, but that's normal, that's life, gotta move on, no point crying over spilt milk de... haha... I have friends, brothers, sisters, cousins I can count on, right? XD! haha... I hope that I can be friends with all of ya until im old... haha... XD! I had some great moments with many of ya, and I will always cherish and remember them yah...

Also, recently I had to say goodbye to friends who were gonna study away from KK, like Rick, Cassie, Trish and Mark, gonna miss them.. Rick, i'm gonna miss my buddy, my bro, my (ahem!) banger... hahahaha! XD! Mark, stop calling me Lee Chong Wei.. hahaha! bah all da best man... XD! Cassie and Trish, gonna miss ya, you've been a good friend... hehe...

It's kinda funny how until now, I never had a girlfriend or even a date... It sounds strange, and I myself wonder sometimes, why don't I make the move? Guess its not the right one... I dunno, guess I don't have what it takes for now... soon...

It's almost the end of the semester, and soon (next week 10 august!) we will be having our final exams! so near and havent even studied yet! huhu... hope I can get good results dis sem, and bulid on it... its been a steady 4th sem in college, in contrast to the previous rollercoaster 3rd sem in january to april... that was a hectic one... so to all my college friends, good luck and all the best for your final exams! gambate!

To end this ramblings, reflections and thoughts, I just wana say Happy Friendship Week! take care!

Battle We Have Won...

2009-08-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

This is a nice song by Eric Johnson, very beautiful...

Everywhere are hearts and empty hands,
With no one there, to understand,
Future dreams, you're searching for a clue,
That sun don't shine, you never mind.

Don't get too discouraged in this life,
It's just a game, for now we play.
And soon or later things can work out right
This you must know, just wait and see
And after everything is said and done,
This can be another battle we have won.

All across the view, hills of desires,
The Knights, the Kings, the Queens, The Squires.
The serenading dreams, bound tears of hope,
They start to fall, keep standing tall.

So, don't get too discouraged in this life,
It's just a stage, we act upon.
Soon or later things, they work out right,
The sun will shine, the night will dawn.
And after everything is said and done,
This can be another battle we have won.

So don't get too discouraged in this life,
Our thoughts can breathe, sonnets of love.
Soon the winds of change will make it right,
This you must know, just wait and see.
And after everything is said and done,
This can be another battle we have won--

In this life,
We'll set the sail, inside above.
Soon or later things they work out right
This you must know, just wait and see.
Lord, after everything is said and done,
This can be another battle we have won.

I can't stand it...

2009-07-10T08:40:00.001-07:00

Firstly, I'm sorry if this is going to upset a few of you, I don't mean to hurt anyone, but I can't take this anymore, I need to let this out, and I'm not criticising anyone in particular, but this in general...

I feel so lonely, I am lonely, yes I have many friends, but when the chips are down, when I need somebody to come and comfort me, it doesn't happen... All my life, I have been caring for friends, letting them know I'm there for them, being there, comforting them, and being a good friend, but when I'm the one who's down, no one comes to me... How cruel... The moments tonight seem to sum up everything, and where it's all gone wrong... It's like I'm wasting my time here... It's good enough I come every week just to meet up with friends, even if it's for a while, but then, what's the use if it's not appreciated? It's like a waste...

A year ago, I made my mind up to continue my studies here, due to a variety of reasons, family, environment, unfinished business... Now, looking back, there might be some mistakes in the decisions that I made... Or simply, I'm starting to regret staying here...

Now looking back, I had the best time during the Christmas period, where everything just seem to come off, every plan paid off, and I had a wonderful time... That was also in part due to my decision... I had the best times with friends and cousins, and I will always remember those moments... I wish I can relive them again...

People say I have alot of friends, yes, but most of them are just accquaintances, friends whom you've got to know and occasionally have the odd banter or two... Sometimes I feel like a loner, a lonely boy in a populous town, with the surroundings breezing past me... I feel like I'm alone, with no friends, no one contacts me, or says Hi... I hate this feeling... And I hate being alone... I've been alone for far too long in my life...

Sometimes we make decisions in life that we may cherish or regret for life... Time will tell if those that I made will be either... In other words, hope that I can get the respect and friendship that I give out to others...

It's back to Ground Zero...

Writing works

2009-05-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

Everytime I come up with a song or extract, its not as easy as it seems... Everything that I wrote, alot of emotional pain and concentration goes to writing that song, making sure you get your idea in the song, present it in a connecting way, and writing what you mean... It is not easy...

I remember whenever I was down, I used to have a book, where I wrote song after song as an outlet of all those emotions, just writing them down in songs, and seeing where the story goes... One of the fond memories I have when writing these songs is turning them into life, well almost...

I recall I like to spend time on Sunday mornings, after mass, spend time in the canteen, and hang out with friends, then doing some songs, and Julie Melissa and Francess were also there to help... It was last year, and I really miss that time, coz it was fun doing that...

Sometimes I will write many songs on paper, then lately I wrote many songs here on FB Notes, and some of my past notes are actually songs I've written, and I will try to make it come alive.. One time in December 2007, when I was so down emotionally and mentally, I wrote many songs about that, the feeling, and the pain... Then slowly I woke up again, and put that past behind me...

Still, its interesting to revisit my school years, and the months after school, before college, when everything was so free, no committment, no classes, free, yet everyday there was this emotional baggage hanging over me, so songs were a way of letting that baggage go... That key period of my life was good for writing songs...

Some songs that I did, after I listen to instrumentals, then I get the inspiration, other times I just write what I feel in songs... I love music, but there's always that big stumbling block, a person, a thing, a career, and its hard... Sometimes you cant do what you really love, but I don't mind doing what I'm studying now, just that I wish I can expand this area of me, the music side...

I love music, I love writing songs, I love the experience of it, and what comes along with it... And writing all that was not easy...

I on U

2009-05-20T06:12:00.000-07:00

Travelling through the city
On a nice cloudy night
People passing by down the street
Without a bother, what do they care?

A warm sense of mystery surrounds me
As I walk down the streets alone
Jazzy music fills the air in my head
The memories of the night

As I walk down the road all alone
Thoughts of loved ones fill the head
Instances of past travels come anew
Just I and U

A cool summer night that breeze on by
Looking at the photographs
Of faces and places familiar
That will never be revisited again

Somehow the image of myself
Walking down the night
With that lonesome song in my head
Fills the air with mystery

They say yesterday's history
Tomorrow's a mystery
And the present is a gift
A wonderful one indeed

After all these years
I finally end up
Where I started it all
Alone...

As I stumble my way back
The writing's on the wall
Guess I better get my way out
Back to my home...

(This is a song I wrote after listening to some Jazz music that everytime i listen, I think of the past year, my friends, family, and holiday...)

Only the young...

2009-05-02T09:56:00.001-07:00

"Only the young can say,
They're free to fly away,
Sharing the same desires..."

Yeah, just back from the LT bazaar, which was ok, but not as happening as last year, coz not many people came to support... Oh come on man, where are the people? Where's the support? Sayang oh.. Lots of great food, great stuff, but not many people... Still, it was a fun night, great night, even though not many people and its just the Lifeteeners and the usual suspects... hehe... and there were lots of food! XD! Sad that many people that I invited couldn't make it for one reason or another, but It's alright... I had a good time, and one chance to be with Lifeteen again... It's not everytime I can return, so make the most of every opportunity... hehe...

"Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling,
Streetlights, people..
Don't stop believing..."

Today is Sunday already, near 1 am, and this is my last day of holiday, gonna miss it.. Now it's back to the stress of everyday classes, assignments and stuff, and back after my results that were quite bad.. Now my average GPA is gonna go down... Im not happy, expected higher, but still its a pass... Monday is a new semester, so gotta live with it.. And its already been a year I've been in colllege... Great, another year and 4 months to go... hehe... Here we go!

"Here we go gathering cups in May..."
... and hopefully we get the biggest one, the Premier League... Come on Liverpool!

You'll Never Walk Alone! YNWA!

Breathe...

2009-04-30T09:04:00.001-07:00

Breathe in the air, don't be afraid to care... XD!

"Ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-fad way
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way..."

Yup, that sums up my holiday, and I enjoy every moment of it, the freedom, chance to go out with friends, and look back and reflect on my life... Look at some old pics, clean up my house, arrange stuff and so on... Yeah, next week it's back to classes... It's ok, I stil have the weekends... And I shuld be lucky, my classes only 8-5 at the most, no nite classes, no weekend classes, so yeah, its pretty good... But when I move up to degree level, its a different story...

"The time is gone, the song is over, thought I've something more to say..."

Friday is the Confirmation Seminar, am I right, for all you guys n gals going for Confirmation, congratulations, and I have a surprise for you all... XD! And bazaar is this Saturday! hehe... Yeah, another shoutout, there's a mini bazaar held by LifeTeen on Saturday evening, 7.30 pm, at Sacred Heart... It's a fundraiser for their camp and activitiies, so do support! XD!

"Home again, I like to be here when I can
When I come home, cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones in my room...
Far away across the fields
The toiling of the iron bell..."

Trail Of Tears

2009-04-29T08:55:00.001-07:00

Firstly, I can't wait for this Saturday, LifeTeen's holding a mini bazaar at SHC, so a chance for me to catch up with some old mates, and help support this year's LT camp, which I'm sure they will enjoy it... hehe... I'm sure I will enjoy the night, for a good cause... 7 pm, Sacred heart parish centre... be there! hehe... Its to raise funds for Lifeteen Youth Camp and their activities, so I do hope you all dears can make it... n_n!

Sceondly, thanks pals for a nice day out last Sunday, wish more could have come, but there's always next time, so plan ahead! hehe... Thanks again!

Lastly, classes are starting next week for me and my classmates and collegemates... 2 weeks holiday is almost up... So back to jackass I mean work... XD! hehe....

Well, holidays are about to end, results of 3rd sem coming, hope i don't fail, or else im in big trouble... all the best... If i somehow screw up, maybe I'll take a break... stop and think about my next option... Wish i had longer holidays, but maybe its better if I get holidays in November and December, so that I can concentrate on finishing my end year personally and get ready for Xmas season!

Last Sunday, i had a good day out, really enjoyed it, been a while since I went out, and I can't get to go out often, so every opportunity I get to do so, I really am thankful for it... Wish I can bring more people out, but sometimes circumstances doesn't permit... Thanks to Trish's cam (lol!), i'm gonna upload d pics soon (or Trish, u upload? hehe...)...

Looking forward to this Saturday, it's been a while since I retired from LT, so I miss them alot, and this is a good chance to catch up with old times.. hehe... and take more pics! XD!

Why i chose the title, Trail of Tears, its a song by Eric Johnson, very nice... the chords are also nice... bikin pening... hahaha...

Well, I guess that's it for now...

Musings, well, happy sad, up is down... haha...

Things are not what they seem...

2009-04-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

... and stranger things have happened, take for instance the 4-4 draw at Anfield, pulsating, one for the fans, but to Liverpool's title ambitions, a huge setback... Let's just hope United drop points until the end of the season... Difficult, but where there's hope in the hearts, anything is possible...

Lately things in my life, I cannot understand for the life of me, why things aren't what they used to be. I half expected it, but I didn't expect it to go all Apollo in a very short period of time... Relationships drift apart, communication gets lesser, and the situation gets more boring... I want to go out, I want to bring people go out, and I want to do all my unfinished businesses by this holiday...

It's nice to see that they are doing well, in whatever they are doing, just that I can be there too... Everytime I want to be with them, it seems... different... when this time last year there were no problems, now it's all different... All the friendships, all the times spent, now seems like a distant memory... Hope that I will not forget them and they wil not forget me... Wonder if im still remembered or already forgotten... I'm the forgettable one, the one nobody's gonna remember in a week's time, to quoe Simon Cowell... and that's the sad fact...

One thing that I really wanna do is spend time with my friends, my family, those that I care for, and those that care for me, but everytime I wana bring everyone out, always there's some that can't make it, and hopfully someday can gather all around and have a fun day out... hehe... this Sunday I aim to at least enjoy myself and spend time with friends and cousins... lol!

And American Idol was a blast! Top 7 markII was brilliant! Adam, Danny and my (slight) fav Kris Allen all blew the stage last night! wow! Idol is really getting to the business end now, and the pressure's on for the Top 7! I liked Kris' arrangement of the song, and the way he turned it into his own, and that's not the 1st time he's done it... Props also to Adam Lambert, who also does his arrangement brilliantly, coming out trumps again this time! Dany Gokey, what can I say? Consistently brilliant, from day 1, as we all saw... wow! Those are my Top 3, and whoever wins it, well deserves it! Fantastic...

As a closing note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALVIN WILSON! haha... 23 to da 4! XD!

Lonely at the crossroads...

2009-04-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a long, long while since i posted anything up here, partly coz i moved up to Vox, and my Facebook notes.. It wasn't too long ago that this was my main blog, but as time passes, and trends change, shifted to Vox, Facebook, and now I've decided to revive this blog, just out of interest, and because lots of my friends uses Blogspot, and especially my cuz Sammy! haha... yeah, hopefully my 3 blogs will be synchronised...

Lots have changed since my last post here in September 2008, and now i'm 19, older, wiser, but somehow i still feel younger, like I'm only 16... Everytime i visit this Blogspot, it reminds me of the times when I was 16, the moments, the year 2006, it was such a big year, amazing...

Now its April 2009, lots have changed since then, with friends going abroad and over west and south, and new friends aplenty... I'm already in college, left school long ago, and currently midway through... I'm no longer in Lifeteen, sadly, its past the time already, but i'm sure my friends and cousins will learn alot from there... Now i'm contemplating my future, and what it brings...

This year, apart from the RAY Camp, has been a quiet one for me, really strange, a third way through the year, and not many moments normally, compared to years past... And I haven't gone out much also, only once or twice with my friends... I want another outing with my friends and siblings... lol... maybe soon, coz now I'm on holiday for 2 weeks... yeah! exams over! but then, 4th semester of my diploma starts in 2 weeks... sigh... oh well... College life is breezy, ok, but kinda lonely as well...

I wonder if my friends will slowly forget me, especially those that have gone beyond far, and those that I haven't seen for a while... Somehow I didn't envisage this, that now, I'm quite lonely, and no one to hang out with... All also busy or unavailable... And maybe it's the age difference, but my sister seem to forget me or don't bother about me anymore... Last Friday, went to SHC, just to pick up stuff, and she was there, but she didn't even come and talk, just say Hi, and then wander off, and doesn't seem to care... This is not the first time it's happened... And others as well... Was kinda sad... But i kept it to myself, and smile...

Yeah, everytime I'm upset, I either don't show it, hide it and smile like nothing's happen, or show it and don't give a damn, I'm upset, and my mood and expression changes... I'm emotional, I'm passionate, and when something's not right, I show it... It's just me... Sometimes I can be way too caring and nice, but when the time comes, I can be sad and upset... haha...

Sometimes I look back at old pictures from past moments, and wonder, 'gee what happened to that person,' or 'why am I not in touch with that person' and so on... All the group photos apparently are just photos, they're not real sometimes... Funny huh... I'm a loner, I don't have siblings, I don't have a partner, I don't go out at nights, I seldom go out on a trip, and seldom get invited to parties...

All in all, despite all the friends, all the moments, all that, at the end of the day, I'm still alone... Check my phone, no one bother to say Hi or How R Ya or so on, only a few... My FB? Unless I start commenting, no one bother to comment and talk to me... And more... At the end of the day, I'm alone, and I can even guess some people will laugh at me coz of my big size and unsocializable kunun...

In a few years time, I would like to see how will I be doing... If I don't end up at the madhouse, then I consider myself lucky... At this rate, It won't be long before I end up in the docks... Everywhere I go, I always end up alone... If you don't believe, go and see whereever I am... And see all the groups of people, and where I stand... In the middle...

Alone...

Falling Slowly...

2009-04-17T20:41:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long while, I just sat here, listening to a nice song by Kris Allen, and my mind just went blank... empty... no thoughts... just really listening and really feeling the song... And it feels good, relaxed, thoughtless... I really liked the song, the mood... After talking about stuff with my friend, suddenly i just went blank...

The song in question? Falling Slowly, from the movie "Once", sang by Kris Allen during American Idol, originally by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová... Its a beautiful one, i suggest you all go find it...

And from that and from that period of silence, here's a song I wrote, all from my head...

I had some good times and some bad times, but all worth going through
Just to see you smile, makes my day and night
I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way
And I hope this feeling lasts forever...

I had some heartbreaks and some heartaches
I've also had some nightmares and some sleepless nights
None can compare to the reality of waking up
Without you in my sight and in my heart...

I've never known the feeling of being close to your heart
To make you feel my love
I just wish one day you'd come running to my arms
And the whole world will seem miles apart...

Yeah, its been a rollercoaster few months... Haven't wrote a note or blogged in a long while... From the highs of RAY camp, to the lows of exams, to the highs again of seeing 2 people in my life whom i havent met for so long, for different reasons... This is to Aldric, my lil brother, im so glad and so happy to have a lil brother like ya, and so happy to see ya after a long while... And to Maxine, i know this is going to be awkward, but I'm very happy to see ya and get to talk to ya after a long while, and glad to see ya alright... Hope to keep in touch, and take care ya... You were my lil sis, and I hope we still are... n_n!

A more detailed and personal note coming soon! Had it written on paper, now had to find it...

Long absence of emotion and reason...

2008-09-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

The reason i titled it that way is coz my internet was out for the best part of 3 weeks, and i really miss blogging and writing notes, and communicating with friends, and during that period i had what was called an absence of emotion, always down and out, and my reasoning was kinda out... Oh how i miss it...

Anyway, i don't know why, but when listening to some songs, i really miss the moments i had with certain people, my brother, my sister, my friends, and someone that i care alot for, and i just miss last year so much that i still cant believe it's gonna be October 2008, and soon Christmas, and soon new year... For the first time in my life, im really dreading the new year, coz alot of changes will happen, and some that will rock my world... I'm ready for it, but i just dont know how long will it take for me to wake up and say "gee, i cant do this anymore" or "omg, my friend is moving far far away and i really miss that friend" and the worst thing is to lose contact... Ok im thinking too much, but better to think then not to think... Get it?

The last few months has been really an eye opener, and finally i woke up and realize, its 2008, its ending, and time passes so freaking fast... After my second semester started, it was kinda boring, ok la, but only 15 ppl in class, 15! omg... but the good thing is we get 2 know each other better, so yeah its ok... hehe... other than that, same old same old, boring life, single, still looking, and i know, everyone hates me... haha jk jk...

It's been a while since i last met my lil bro Aldric and my sis Shalei... One is busy wif PMR and one is in KL... Go figure... miss dem very much... esp my lil bro... looking back at pics from last year, he seems to always be in pics with me, that's how much i love my lil bro... and yet i rarely talk with him coz he has been always busy, and i seem to catch him in a wrong time always... lol...

Back to now, recently RAY had a thanksgiving dinner for the Mission Possible Rally, and it was a blast, and i had a great nite, get 2 hang out with all my friends, after all its not every time an event like dat happens... i get to meet friends from both RAY and LT, and dats great... haha... and LifeTeen, wow, more and more juniors joining, and its getting bigger! which is great, and now that some seniors are retiring due to old age (haha well not dat old... ;-) hehe...) and maybe return as Sub-Core... hehe... ever expanding!

Well, i guess that's it for now... That's pretty much my life now recently in one big wrap.. lol...\

It feels good to blog again... ah...

Cheerio!

Mission Rally Finale recaps...

2008-08-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah, i know it's been a while, was kinda busy, but now finally i can give my thoughts and recap of an amazing night...

It started with the Mission 1, where LifeTeen helped out with the rally... and it was great, although it was kinda hot (it was afternoon what else?)... There was Praise and Worship by LT and RAY, as well as a haring by Sharlene... but it ended early, which was quite a dampener, but nonetheless it was nice... unfortunately, i missed Mission 2 coz i was sick and had to rest, but that set up nicely for the Finale...

The rally started after 7.30 pm, and had arrived only just, and when i arrived, i didn't know what to expect, and to be honest i was just blown away, and what was to come, i will remember for a long time... the set up was very good, professional, but even those were put to shade (literally!) by a blackout (not once, but twice! whether by accident or by purpose, you decide..)... me and my mates went to seat, and the show begins...

The night started out with opening songs, then it was Praise and Worship... Then the first blackout, but still they continued to praise and worship, and perform... luckily the power went back on in a while, and the first one looks like it was kinda planned (i dunno)... Then there was one of three lucky draws for prizes, and a talk by Father Steven from Australia (if i'm not mistaken), and then more Praise and Worship... truly it was an amazing night... then the second blackout happened... the passion, the spirit, the will shown by everyone present that night, continuing to praise God and perform, and sing, was absolutely speechless... it was truly... words could not describe it... The second time was true... Then the power came on (again) and show resumes... haha...

Then there was the draw for the grand prize, but no closing song... small details, no, but still it was great... the night was great for me personally, and i'm sure for the others who were present... wish there was more of these kinda events often... hehe... last year was LT concert, now its RAY mission rally... next year, who knows... hehe...

(sorry no pics, i didnt take much, was concentrating on the night!)

Did you ever think about the day...

2008-08-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

... that you will get your first job?
... that you will meet your one true love?
... that you will win an Olympic Gold medal? (ok now that's too far... haha!)

anyway, my point is, have u ever gave a thought about your future, your plans, goals, achievements and so on... and this is where i must congratulate Lee Chong Wei for winning an Olympic silver medal... it really is a good achievement... from the small boy playing badminton in Bukit Mertajam, to the academy, to who he is now... u gotta say, he has his aims and goals, and he's getting ever closer!

anyway, lately i havent been blogging around lately, due to my comp getting bust for weeks, my final exams, and lots of stuff to do... hehe... its been a month... wow.. whereas if i was at school, no matter how busy i was, i would still blog every 2-3 days... gee life has changed...

in just these last few months, i had gone thru more emotional rollercoasters than the last 2 years... wow... the course isn't tough, its actually fun and easy, but its the expectations, the people around me, and the pressure that got to me... dont get me wrong, i can handle pressure, but when it totally overwhelmes you, that's when it starts to get to ya...

i guess i should be happy, i solved alot of problems that happened this last few weeks, and actually have something to look forward to, but the lingering feeling remains, that the damage has been done... i wonder, i feel like used goods, past sell by date, not good enough for anyone, always be 2nd rate... im not saying its true, but hey, anything can happen...

its true dat if u dont blog often or u havent blogged for a long while, then its hard to get blogging again... hopefully i can blog well soon again... hehe...

anyway, last week was my final exams for semester 1, so now im on a 2 week sem break, and back for sem 2 on 2 sep... yeah... finally the holidays to recover and think about all d things ive done... final exams were ok, kinda easy but tricky, hope i pass all.. but i aim for all As, gotta strive to be the best, and set high aims, like Michael Phelps. 8! gold medals... salute... hehe... hopefully i will get 5As =c 5 gold medals... hahaha.... jk jk...

Mission Possible Rally was awesome, maybe i'll post about it in a separate post, with pics... keep u posted... oh and Aline, sorry i tink i havent given u de pics! lol...

what else? thats it i guess... not much before final exams, just fooling around, studies and so on.. lol.. so await my post on the Finale Rally!

Donkeytown...

2008-07-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

As i listen to this song, it made me think back to memories of 2006, and all the good times, and since this song is about a quiet town, donkeytown, and checking out, and it really suited me now...

ever had a dream where u enjoyed it so much and dreamt about you and your loved ones, and then wake up in the morning to reality, and think to yourself, damn, wish it was true... ever had that moment when you went back in time, and saw the memories that help shape who you are now, and think "wish i can change the past"...

that's the danger of thinking too much, and dreaming too much, for the past is past, and now is the time to make a change, be who you want to be, and lead a better life than you had in the past... what's past is gone, and think that your life now is better than the past...

yeah...

... but it's hard to forget the past... but one thing's for sure, i will never forget all the good times...

ok back to the current times... hehe...

lately this last few days has been really strange, really really one of the most rollercoaster ones i ever had... and crying in class, wow, before an exam, lucky it didnt affect it much, or else i would have been in trouble... hehe.... i don't know why, im a bit emotional, im too big hearted, i care for people too much, till i get easily affected, and really up and down... yea... gotta try and be less caring maybe, or just be strong...

today i had the chance to look back and reflect on the past few days, and yeah it was kinda silly for me to cry, but i mean i cant stand it, if i just keep all those emotions to myself, its gonna get worse, so that's why, the crying released all (or most) of it, and even now i still feel kinda weird, up and down... wow... maybe its the exam blues, coz its less than a month till exam starts, and this time in college, its much more dangerous, so yeah... hope i can do my best! and i slept most of the day coz its so boring being stuck in my room, i cant go out coz my house is kinda messy, under renovation... so boring.. yeah, that's life being a single kid, no sibling to talk to and share your problems..

One of the problems of having no siblings, you cant talk to anyone when u have problems (im not gonna share it with my parents, crazy?!), when u need a friend or company at times, and lots more... gee... oh well... gotta get on with life...

today, i did my assignment, and oh, talked to my friend Jacquelene on the phone, bored kan.. hehe.. tular Aldric too busy, jarang meet him already... i miss my didi Aldric owh... ahaha... bha Jac, jaga2 dia d skul la.. lol.. guess im lucky to meet a didi like Aldric, altho he's busy, still.. hehe... and a nice fren Jacquelene, a really nice person, and jaga my didi at skul (just kidding! hehe...)... just wish i had a family like dat, aldric my lil brother... hehe...

well, that's all i think... after the emotions of the last day and last post, this is kinda considered mild... ahaha...

tata!

Explosion of emotions...

2008-07-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

... that just happened out of nowhere around 12.58 pm at Room 18-2 at my college... all the emotions, all the thoughts and all the stress and pressure of the last few days finally took its toll on me, and i just let it all out in painful silence, silent tears dropping down my eyes... And eventually i cried as hard as i just wanted to... The emotions just overwhelmed me... Why is this happening?! Damn...

It all started yesterday, after Accounting test... it was ok, not hard, just be careful, and cautious... after i finished the test, i was resting, and then it just hit me: "dang it, all my friends, my good friends, have gone already, or are going away soon..." and suddenly thoughts just rushed to my head... dang it... then i remembered d past, and all d memories, and then "damn" suddenly there's a big void where the past was, and like i felt so cold and scared, that u know everyone's going away, and you struggle to fathom it, even though u know it and have accepted the fact... it just hit me... and after that i felt sad, and then my emotions was even worse when something happened, that made me feel funny, left out, sad and weird... then i went to the library to get away and calm myself down... my mood was absolutely crazy and down... so i wanted 2 cry at d lib, but didn't, and my fren asked me wats wrong, and talked2 it out, and then ok abit, but the down was still there... and i cried on the way home from class...

Then today, worse was to come... I was kinda sad that my friends were going off soon, tomorrow and next week... then in accounting, i still couldn't understand one particular topic, and kept doing the excercises wrong, and this added to my stress (i know i know such a small thing to stress on, but during the heat of the moment in the class, u will know why...) and also self doubts and thoughts begin to creep in... but before that, a few days ago, suddenly coz of what my dad said, i wanted to shout and scream "why dont i have any siblings?! why am i d only kid?! is it coz u hate little children?!" and i just wanted 2 scream... imagine all these years being d only child... so lonely and depressing... then i just wanted 2 scream again today, but i cant.... so all those culminated with the burst of emotion at class... coz of siblings, studies, friends, my crush, everything... coz i keep on accidentally hurting my friends, and kept getting hurt... im really sorry...

haih sometimes i wonder, am i too caring and friendly till i hurt my friends... ppl say im a genius, but i cant even go through accounting smoothly... i explode too often, so wats d use of being a good person when i end up hurting the ones i love? haih...

hopefully i will learn from all this past mistakes, and as my friends (esp jess my classmate... thanks alot jess... really owe u lots...) advice me and talked 2 me, forget the past, move on, just forget ot, think of now, and think that your life now is better than in the past... yeah...

... but sometimes its hard to ignore or forget the past... it keeps coming back to haunt or disturb you...

Depreciation...

2008-06-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's been a while since i last wrote, being busy with classes, tests and all... Life recently has been one emotional rollercoaster, and just days ago i had probably the biggest heartbreak and shock...

LifeTeen recently said goodbye to Donovan Funk, and also Shalei, my lil sis, and it seems that more and more people are leaving. Change is a-coming... Gonna miss those two, and also to all my friends who are leaving, and will be... The list goes on... Oh well... They will always be my friends, and can still contact them whenever... The modern world now has endless possibillities... So to all my friends leaving, good luck, all the best, and take care mates...

Well, at least there's new friends at college, and so far my class has been kinda nice, if not wacky and fun... The subjects are kinda ok, although accounting can be a little struggle at times... Double entry, credit, debit... haha... I met one new friend, and her name's Jessica Chin, and she is a wonderful friend, so lucky to know someone like her... haha... she's a very nice person, understanding, and sot2... hahaha! and also Victor, my crzay partner... haha... sama2 siap kerja awal... wakaka... he's an accouniting genius... and also Evelyn, my old pal from LT, and now classmates... Brilliant... haha... So lucky to be in a class that has some wacky people... haha... livens up the class at times...

maybe that's it for now... ran out of ideas... haha... cheers!

What an amazing 2 weeks! Mega weekend out!

2008-06-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Part 1 was about camp, and thanks to my friend, made a small edit and republished it...

Now for part 2...

After camp, i got home, all sad, coz this was my last camp, and i had 2 go 2 classes the very next day, unlike all my friends who had school holidays... oh man... haha... and i actually almost cried at class, coz the emotions of the moment just got me... That's how much i miss camp, and what happened....

Well, life got on as usual, until Friday, when me and some of our friends went out, and hang around... We had planned to catch a flick and then shop around, but what eventually happened was so awesome, and way past anything i had ever imagined.. LOL... it was a truly great day, me and my friends did something great... oh, and congratulations to Fred and Gloria, officially engaged on Friday... so it was a good day...

Then it was Saturday, and Fred and Glo's CG had an outing to go watch a movie and hang around, movie treat actually... hehe... so there were like 17 of us, and woah it was so cool man... we all watched Indiana Jones (supposed 2 watch Narnia again, but late showtime... huhu...) at 12 noon... I brought my friend, Jacquelene Danica along, kinda like a guest... hehe... too bad Aldric can't come, would have loved to hang out with my titi... haha! so we all played games 1st (well, almost all...) and Walter, Adam and Jason raced against Fred, and all 4 cars were linked... the result? an awesome and hillarious race... if u were there, gerenti ketawa... those 4 guys were literally racing each other, and eventually Fred won (hahaha!) the race... then the girls raced, baru 1st lap suda berlanggar... haha... then guys again, then girls... some of us went to play other games... so siok!

Then it was showtime, and the movie was great, funny, and kinda interesting... I wont reveal much about the movie or else spoil suda... haha! then we all went down to eat, and planned our next jouney, mass... Too bad some of us cant make it to mass, coz of time... but most of us did, some followed Jason's car (the girls la dat... haha...) while the rest of us either took d bus or walked... yes, walk from CP to SHC... Yeah, me and a few friends walked 2 mass... But before that, we went window shopping, and they were looking for shirts... hehe... had a nice time jalan2 and hanging out with them, esp with friends that i can rarely meet and hang out with, like Jacquelene (my titi's babysitter! ahaha juz kidding!), Javier, my sis Shalei... so yeah... thanks alot to Fred and Gloria for bringing us all out... hehe... and for the tickets!

Then we walked to SHC for mass, and along the way we met Eman driving, along the road, so we asked him to give a lift to one of us, and the rest of us continued marching on... What a day... hehe... Then mass, then hang out before going home...

So that was it, basically... Too bad there was no LifeNite...

It was a really fun experience, and i really enjoyed the 2 days... now that my time in LT is almost up, enjoy it while u can... hehe... next year i'll be back, as a sub-core hopefully... wakaka...

so until next time, tata!

"This is the time of my life!" - David Cook

Congratulations DC! What an emotional victory! Respect!

What an amazing 2 weeks! LifeTeen Camp 2008!

2008-05-31T09:14:00.000-07:00

From the LifeTeen Youth Camp, to the charity work, to the CG outing, and time out with friends, it's really been an amazing 2 weeks, and the great thing is, it was truly awesome!

First off, LifeTeen camp...

It was truly an amazing camp, my last ever LT camp, and it really touched me and really made me sit up and think... haha... It was awesome, despite all the difficulties and problems...

It was in Kaingaran, Tuaran, and the place is very nice, but no line most of the time, so imagine the panic and flurry of people trying to get signal (yes Javier and Jason, i mean u, and me as well... haha!) and call their "loved ones".. (insert name here:)

OK seriously, we took the afternoon bus at 3 pm, and reached at 6 pm, and upon arrival, woah, cooling, but not that cold, and the place was nice... Great, where's the boys' dorm? Thought it was next to the hall, but those are for the girls, lucky them... Guys dorm? Walk down... and keep walking... keep walking... keep walking... (hey this is not a Johnnie Walker ad ah!) down the hill, down, down, and then down a steep pathway, and finally, the guys' dorm, some few km farther (and deeper, i swear it was so much lower than the hall level!) from the hall... Ok, so we unpacked, and settle in, then we went to the hall for the opening stuff, and watched the movie "Pay It Forward", and the opening dance, Malo malo Dance... haha! then its off to bed, after a long walk back...

Second day (or first day officially) of camp, and woke up to a beautiful morning, and the rest of the day was great... The opening mass was kinda nice, then gther at the hall for Group photo session... kinda rushing... but nice... then the 1st session was by MelNic, about the holy life of Blessed Pier Girogio Frassati (itailano, yes...) and what he did... His charitable life is really a great example.. And then it was lunchtime, then session 2 was about Holiness and striving to be Holy... Then teatime, and we returned to the dorm, before dinner, and then it was Praise and Worship, and the 3rd session is about Family Issues - Made For Holiness... The talks were great, and i learned alot from it, the Praise and Worship (P&W) was cool, and the skits were nice as well... (Skit language ahead:) "Eh, maaaaaannnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaalllllleett saaaaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaa?" hahaha! "Didcha see that?! didcha?! me too! let's rewoind!!" haha.... (maybe i will post a video of it on youtube soon, or maybe my friends...)

Third day (second day offcially) of camp, and first off was the Sunday Mass, and Healing session together at the church... It was really good... then it was Session 4, Social Issues and the Big Picture... it was about the growing challenges in life, and they highlighted certain aspects of social life, such as the music we hear, and so on... Then lunchtime, and the geng tangga sit together and makan2... haha... u know who u are... then it was Confession and Counselling... I didnt manage to go for Confession, coz there were too many people... then teatime, and then it was time for the outreach people to share their experiences living with the village folks... It was so nice, i regretted abit that i didnt go, but i was not really fit, had a hip injury, so i cant... The sharing really made me think, man im so lucky to have all that i have now, when those people could survive on bare necessities and make the most of what they have...
Then it was Praise and Worship, High Praise, and the session was absolutely amazing, and i felt really touched and so happy... I dunno why, but i felt happy... Guess that's just what He wants me to be... Then the session ended, and bedtime...

Last day, man that's when i felt so sad, coz it was the last day, and it was my last camp... Wake up and got my bags straight to the hall in preparation... It was time for the final session, sharing and testimony of the teens... I actually wanted to go up and say alot of things, but when i got up, i forgot what i wanted to say and said little only... There were quit a number of people who went up and shared their testimony, and each of them was unique... Then it was the final morning mass for us, and it started to rain.. Then we all packed up, and got ready to go home... So sad... Took some final pics, go around, and then got ready to leave... The crazy gang (me and my friends) we all gathered, and boarded the same bus again, but the final day was kinda messy and chaotic, and then as we were about to leave, the bus in front of us got grounded, so our departure got delayed... Then as we travelled back, we stopped at Gunung Emas, and bought food and took pics there... And i managed to hurt myself falling down... Lucky it was only a minor injury... Then we arrived at SHC, and the end...

Overall throughout this camp, it was an amazing experience, and totally different from previous camps, and best of all, the talks were nice! I really wished the camp wouldn't end, alas, all good things must come to an end, so, with that, i bid LTYC 2008, adieu, but it will always stay in my memory forever!

So that's it about LifeTeen camp.. sure i may have missed some things out due to time constraints writing it, or for some reasons... It's the middle of the night, and i'm typing this, so bear the mistakes... But basically, that's it...

(Part 2, the aftermath and continuation of camp, will be written next time)

It's been a while.... 9 months!

2007-03-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

yeah, it's been 9 months since i last blogged here... Well, my main blog is now at Vox, which is so cool and versatile... Don't get me wrong, Blogger is ok, but Vox is better....

My last post here was about LifeTeen Youth Camp 2006, and how coincidentally, now im gonna update about LifeTeen Youth Camp 2007! The theme for this year is "U, God's Masterpiece and it was so cool!

Ok, so i won't be able to type it all out again, but you can read it on my new blog, which i have been using as my main blog and website since last year, at http://kenlaiya-yangyang.vox.com ok? Give comments!

So i will leave this blog, maybe update it once in a while, for archiving purposes...

Once again, my new blog, at http://kenlaiya-yangyang.vox.com yeah...

Tata!

Holiday hangovers...

2006-06-17T08:29:00.001-07:00

Well, its been the 1st week since holidays, and honestly im still suffering from holiday hangovers... hehe... But its been good...

My school (Sabah College) were invited (for the 1st time, i think!) to participate in the Inter-School CF Bible Quiz today, and the quiz was held at All Saints Cathedral (why not at Sacred Heart?)...

Each school has 4 ppl in the quiz itself; besides that each school needs to give a short performance, so we all performed a (super)short skit, slideshow and singing... we brought the song, 'One Way' (which was sooo cool!)....

Arrived at 7 am juz now, and seemed lost and alone, then had me fren to bring me in... Turned out nearly all of me mates were there.... Went in, saw a few of me friends from camp and LifeTeen (hehe), and then took pics of me school mates, and the quiz started.

So wished me mates good luck, mind me own buisness, and hanged around... Then came the first performances, was good, then quiz again, then performance, the quiz again, then another rprerformance, then quiz again.... heheh... The quiz was divided into 4 rounds, and 2 schools are eliminated at each round, with the final 2 in the last round... Sabah College nearly made it, but missed the final by 1 point.. We eventually finished 3rd, so not bad, considering its their 1st time... Maybe next year, when maybe i'll join in... heheh...

Then after the final round, it was our turn for the performance, so up we went... The room felt even colder then before (maybe coz its me?) and then we started the skit... luckily this was just for fun, or else we wouldn't be doing well... hehe... wat 2 do, rehearsed for 5 days onli wor... hehe... then it was the slideshow, presented by me fren, Karen, and then the group singing... We sang "One Way", and it sparked the room to life, and lots of ppl were like singing along to this song.... (maybe coz its famous and its always sung at LifeTeen?) I know me frens did... ;-) Then that's it....

After that, lunch time, sat outside and ate with Max, and then went in for the final results... In the final round of the quiz, Lok Yuk were up against the hosts (and sentimental favourites??) St Francis Convent... Lok Yuk won by a point, 48-47 if im not mistaken, but like they said, winning is not the most important thing in the quiz... But i would have liked to win it... hehe... So, congrats to Lok Yuk, winners, and Convent, runners up... 3rd place, us... not bad.. hehe....

Then when it was time to go home, the Convent girls suddenly sang "Happy Birthday" to Amanda Alexis (who's also my friend... hehe!) ... So cool.. I wished her happy birthday too... Then, i wished n greeted any of me frens whom i met, and went home... And that was that...

Then, i went to LifeNight juz now (wow, its Sunday morning now! 2 am wor...) and there was a talk on the sacrements... My newest fren, Maxine, came along for the first time, and looked blurr (sorry ah! hehe...) but it was ok! Right, Max? The LifeNight was good.. hehe... But i wont be going to next week's lifenite, im off to KL for something... hehe... tata!

(Wow, its 2 am already, and i didnt realize! Gotta sleep!)

Ok, that's all! Till next time, bye! (If got anything left out, lemme know, maybe later i'll update this post!)

The 2006 FIFA World Cup is well and truly underway!

2006-06-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

Well, first thing first, VIVA LA ESPANA!! Go Spain! I know im one of the few who support Spain, but watch their games, and so far, they play the best football, created the best moves, and are very intelligent with the ball. And scores goals for fun! I hope Spain will go far in this World Cup... After years of underachievement, maybe, just maybe THIS is their year!

Now, this past week has been filled with the World Cup mania, even in school! hehe... I guess that's the power of football, the ability to unite people into one... Now, the official site, fifaworldcup.com has lots of news, pics, details and info, so i'd suggest you guys and gals check it out!

Who will win the World Cup? Well, Brazil struggled against a brilliant Croatia side, Germany are lucky to scrape a narrow win over Poland, Italy looked good on paper, but failed to live up to its hype in the match, so too Argentina, England's chances look bleak, Holland have failed to impress.. That leaves Spain with a chance of winning it...

I have a lot to say about the World Cup and football in general, but i'll leave that to another day, in my article on a major website... So, tata!

VIVA ESPANA!!

This has been an unforgettable holiday! Summer holidays....

2006-06-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Well, the summer holidays will be over in a while... It's been great, it's been fun, and if it's great, and it's fun, then why change it? hehe....

Well, this past 2 weeks have been briiliant... It started with Lifeteen youth camp, which i have already told about... Then we had the Worship Rally - Spread The Fire (Wildfire) a week later (unfortunately, i didn't go coz i fell sick, and very sick i may add...) and from what i heard from me very good friends from LifeTeen, it was great... hehe...

Then, yesterday we had LifeNight, about the church history, and a Q&A session... The LifeNight panned out great.., hehe....

Then, today there was an I.U. (International Undersanding) Bazaar at CP, Palm Square... Too bad i went late, so i missed all the action... hehe... i juz dropped by, said hi to me pals there, and went shopping (window shopping.. haha!) in CP... Finally i get to go out, and its the last day of holidays... haih...

Well, i guess im quite ready for school tomorrow... One thing though, i missed Youth Camp, for some reason.... I enjoyed it, it was great, and i missed it.. Well, life has to go on... But the memories from camp will be with me forever... hehe... or at least till nxt camp... hehe...

Ok, i guess that's it! I don't want the holidays to end for 2-3 days more, but it has to... So, back to school!

Bye!

The 2006 FIFA World Cup is here! Hours away!

2006-06-09T03:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, after 4 years, the next World Cup is a matter of hours away! And i will be there in Germany to witness the opening ceremony, (or rather from my unceremonious sofa at home.. hehe!) and all the action!

World Cup, here we go!