I can't stand it...

Firstly, I'm sorry if this is going to upset a few of you, I don't mean to hurt anyone, but I can't take this anymore, I need to let this out, and I'm not criticising anyone in particular, but this in general...

I feel so lonely, I am lonely, yes I have many friends, but when the chips are down, when I need somebody to come and comfort me, it doesn't happen... All my life, I have been caring for friends, letting them know I'm there for them, being there, comforting them, and being a good friend, but when I'm the one who's down, no one comes to me... How cruel... The moments tonight seem to sum up everything, and where it's all gone wrong... It's like I'm wasting my time here... It's good enough I come every week just to meet up with friends, even if it's for a while, but then, what's the use if it's not appreciated? It's like a waste...

A year ago, I made my mind up to continue my studies here, due to a variety of reasons, family, environment, unfinished business... Now, looking back, there might be some mistakes in the decisions that I made... Or simply, I'm starting to regret staying here...

Now looking back, I had the best time during the Christmas period, where everything just seem to come off, every plan paid off, and I had a wonderful time... That was also in part due to my decision... I had the best times with friends and cousins, and I will always remember those moments... I wish I can relive them again...

People say I have alot of friends, yes, but most of them are just accquaintances, friends whom you've got to know and occasionally have the odd banter or two... Sometimes I feel like a loner, a lonely boy in a populous town, with the surroundings breezing past me... I feel like I'm alone, with no friends, no one contacts me, or says Hi... I hate this feeling... And I hate being alone... I've been alone for far too long in my life...

Sometimes we make decisions in life that we may cherish or regret for life... Time will tell if those that I made will be either... In other words, hope that I can get the respect and friendship that I give out to others...

It's back to Ground Zero...

Writing works

Everytime I come up with a song or extract, its not as easy as it seems... Everything that I wrote, alot of emotional pain and concentration goes to writing that song, making sure you get your idea in the song, present it in a connecting way, and writing what you mean... It is not easy...

I remember whenever I was down, I used to have a book, where I wrote song after song as an outlet of all those emotions, just writing them down in songs, and seeing where the story goes... One of the fond memories I have when writing these songs is turning them into life, well almost...

I recall I like to spend time on Sunday mornings, after mass, spend time in the canteen, and hang out with friends, then doing some songs, and Julie Melissa and Francess were also there to help... It was last year, and I really miss that time, coz it was fun doing that...

Sometimes I will write many songs on paper, then lately I wrote many songs here on FB Notes, and some of my past notes are actually songs I've written, and I will try to make it come alive.. One time in December 2007, when I was so down emotionally and mentally, I wrote many songs about that, the feeling, and the pain... Then slowly I woke up again, and put that past behind me...

Still, its interesting to revisit my school years, and the months after school, before college, when everything was so free, no committment, no classes, free, yet everyday there was this emotional baggage hanging over me, so songs were a way of letting that baggage go... That key period of my life was good for writing songs...

Some songs that I did, after I listen to instrumentals, then I get the inspiration, other times I just write what I feel in songs... I love music, but there's always that big stumbling block, a person, a thing, a career, and its hard... Sometimes you cant do what you really love, but I don't mind doing what I'm studying now, just that I wish I can expand this area of me, the music side...

I love music, I love writing songs, I love the experience of it, and what comes along with it... And writing all that was not easy...

I on U

Travelling through the city
On a nice cloudy night
People passing by down the street
Without a bother, what do they care?

A warm sense of mystery surrounds me
As I walk down the streets alone
Jazzy music fills the air in my head
The memories of the night

As I walk down the road all alone
Thoughts of loved ones fill the head
Instances of past travels come anew
Just I and U

A cool summer night that breeze on by
Looking at the photographs
Of faces and places familiar
That will never be revisited again

Somehow the image of myself
Walking down the night
With that lonesome song in my head
Fills the air with mystery

They say yesterday's history
Tomorrow's a mystery
And the present is a gift
A wonderful one indeed

After all these years
I finally end up
Where I started it all
Alone...

As I stumble my way back
The writing's on the wall
Guess I better get my way out
Back to my home...

(This is a song I wrote after listening to some Jazz music that everytime i listen, I think of the past year, my friends, family, and holiday...)

Only the young...

"Only the young can say,
They're free to fly away,
Sharing the same desires..."

Yeah, just back from the LT bazaar, which was ok, but not as happening as last year, coz not many people came to support... Oh come on man, where are the people? Where's the support? Sayang oh.. Lots of great food, great stuff, but not many people... Still, it was a fun night, great night, even though not many people and its just the Lifeteeners and the usual suspects... hehe... and there were lots of food! XD! Sad that many people that I invited couldn't make it for one reason or another, but It's alright... I had a good time, and one chance to be with Lifeteen again... It's not everytime I can return, so make the most of every opportunity... hehe...

"Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling,
Streetlights, people..
Don't stop believing..."

Today is Sunday already, near 1 am, and this is my last day of holiday, gonna miss it.. Now it's back to the stress of everyday classes, assignments and stuff, and back after my results that were quite bad.. Now my average GPA is gonna go down... Im not happy, expected higher, but still its a pass... Monday is a new semester, so gotta live with it.. And its already been a year I've been in colllege... Great, another year and 4 months to go... hehe... Here we go!

"Here we go gathering cups in May..."
... and hopefully we get the biggest one, the Premier League... Come on Liverpool!

You'll Never Walk Alone! YNWA!

Breathe...

Breathe in the air, don't be afraid to care... XD!

"Ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-fad way
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way..."

Yup, that sums up my holiday, and I enjoy every moment of it, the freedom, chance to go out with friends, and look back and reflect on my life... Look at some old pics, clean up my house, arrange stuff and so on... Yeah, next week it's back to classes... It's ok, I stil have the weekends... And I shuld be lucky, my classes only 8-5 at the most, no nite classes, no weekend classes, so yeah, its pretty good... But when I move up to degree level, its a different story...

"The time is gone, the song is over, thought I've something more to say..."

Friday is the Confirmation Seminar, am I right, for all you guys n gals going for Confirmation, congratulations, and I have a surprise for you all... XD! And bazaar is this Saturday! hehe... Yeah, another shoutout, there's a mini bazaar held by LifeTeen on Saturday evening, 7.30 pm, at Sacred Heart... It's a fundraiser for their camp and activitiies, so do support! XD!

"Home again, I like to be here when I can
When I come home, cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones in my room...
Far away across the fields
The toiling of the iron bell..."

Trail Of Tears

Firstly, I can't wait for this Saturday, LifeTeen's holding a mini bazaar at SHC, so a chance for me to catch up with some old mates, and help support this year's LT camp, which I'm sure they will enjoy it... hehe... I'm sure I will enjoy the night, for a good cause... 7 pm, Sacred heart parish centre... be there! hehe... Its to raise funds for Lifeteen Youth Camp and their activities, so I do hope you all dears can make it... n_n!

Sceondly, thanks pals for a nice day out last Sunday, wish more could have come, but there's always next time, so plan ahead! hehe... Thanks again!

Lastly, classes are starting next week for me and my classmates and collegemates... 2 weeks holiday is almost up... So back to jackass I mean work... XD! hehe....


Well, holidays are about to end, results of 3rd sem coming, hope i don't fail, or else im in big trouble... all the best... If i somehow screw up, maybe I'll take a break... stop and think about my next option... Wish i had longer holidays, but maybe its better if I get holidays in November and December, so that I can concentrate on finishing my end year personally and get ready for Xmas season!

Last Sunday, i had a good day out, really enjoyed it, been a while since I went out, and I can't get to go out often, so every opportunity I get to do so, I really am thankful for it... Wish I can bring more people out, but sometimes circumstances doesn't permit... Thanks to Trish's cam (lol!), i'm gonna upload d pics soon (or Trish, u upload? hehe...)...

Looking forward to this Saturday, it's been a while since I retired from LT, so I miss them alot, and this is a good chance to catch up with old times.. hehe... and take more pics! XD!

Why i chose the title, Trail of Tears, its a song by Eric Johnson, very nice... the chords are also nice... bikin pening... hahaha...

Well, I guess that's it for now...

Musings, well, happy sad, up is down... haha...

Things are not what they seem...

... and stranger things have happened, take for instance the 4-4 draw at Anfield, pulsating, one for the fans, but to Liverpool's title ambitions, a huge setback... Let's just hope United drop points until the end of the season... Difficult, but where there's hope in the hearts, anything is possible...

Lately things in my life, I cannot understand for the life of me, why things aren't what they used to be. I half expected it, but I didn't expect it to go all Apollo in a very short period of time... Relationships drift apart, communication gets lesser, and the situation gets more boring... I want to go out, I want to bring people go out, and I want to do all my unfinished businesses by this holiday...

It's nice to see that they are doing well, in whatever they are doing, just that I can be there too... Everytime I want to be with them, it seems... different... when this time last year there were no problems, now it's all different... All the friendships, all the times spent, now seems like a distant memory... Hope that I will not forget them and they wil not forget me... Wonder if im still remembered or already forgotten... I'm the forgettable one, the one nobody's gonna remember in a week's time, to quoe Simon Cowell... and that's the sad fact...

One thing that I really wanna do is spend time with my friends, my family, those that I care for, and those that care for me, but everytime I wana bring everyone out, always there's some that can't make it, and hopfully someday can gather all around and have a fun day out... hehe... this Sunday I aim to at least enjoy myself and spend time with friends and cousins... lol!

And American Idol was a blast! Top 7 markII was brilliant! Adam, Danny and my (slight) fav Kris Allen all blew the stage last night! wow! Idol is really getting to the business end now, and the pressure's on for the Top 7! I liked Kris' arrangement of the song, and the way he turned it into his own, and that's not the 1st time he's done it... Props also to Adam Lambert, who also does his arrangement brilliantly, coming out trumps again this time! Dany Gokey, what can I say? Consistently brilliant, from day 1, as we all saw... wow! Those are my Top 3, and whoever wins it, well deserves it! Fantastic...

As a closing note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALVIN WILSON! haha... 23 to da 4! XD!

Lonely at the crossroads...

It's been a long, long while since i posted anything up here, partly coz i moved up to Vox, and my Facebook notes.. It wasn't too long ago that this was my main blog, but as time passes, and trends change, shifted to Vox, Facebook, and now I've decided to revive this blog, just out of interest, and because lots of my friends uses Blogspot, and especially my cuz Sammy! haha... yeah, hopefully my 3 blogs will be synchronised...

Lots have changed since my last post here in September 2008, and now i'm 19, older, wiser, but somehow i still feel younger, like I'm only 16... Everytime i visit this Blogspot, it reminds me of the times when I was 16, the moments, the year 2006, it was such a big year, amazing...

Now its April 2009, lots have changed since then, with friends going abroad and over west and south, and new friends aplenty... I'm already in college, left school long ago, and currently midway through... I'm no longer in Lifeteen, sadly, its past the time already, but i'm sure my friends and cousins will learn alot from there... Now i'm contemplating my future, and what it brings...

This year, apart from the RAY Camp, has been a quiet one for me, really strange, a third way through the year, and not many moments normally, compared to years past... And I haven't gone out much also, only once or twice with my friends... I want another outing with my friends and siblings... lol... maybe soon, coz now I'm on holiday for 2 weeks... yeah! exams over! but then, 4th semester of my diploma starts in 2 weeks... sigh... oh well... College life is breezy, ok, but kinda lonely as well...

I wonder if my friends will slowly forget me, especially those that have gone beyond far, and those that I haven't seen for a while... Somehow I didn't envisage this, that now, I'm quite lonely, and no one to hang out with... All also busy or unavailable... And maybe it's the age difference, but my sister seem to forget me or don't bother about me anymore... Last Friday, went to SHC, just to pick up stuff, and she was there, but she didn't even come and talk, just say Hi, and then wander off, and doesn't seem to care... This is not the first time it's happened... And others as well... Was kinda sad... But i kept it to myself, and smile...

Yeah, everytime I'm upset, I either don't show it, hide it and smile like nothing's happen, or show it and don't give a damn, I'm upset, and my mood and expression changes... I'm emotional, I'm passionate, and when something's not right, I show it... It's just me... Sometimes I can be way too caring and nice, but when the time comes, I can be sad and upset... haha...

Sometimes I look back at old pictures from past moments, and wonder, 'gee what happened to that person,' or 'why am I not in touch with that person' and so on... All the group photos apparently are just photos, they're not real sometimes... Funny huh... I'm a loner, I don't have siblings, I don't have a partner, I don't go out at nights, I seldom go out on a trip, and seldom get invited to parties...

All in all, despite all the friends, all the moments, all that, at the end of the day, I'm still alone... Check my phone, no one bother to say Hi or How R Ya or so on, only a few... My FB? Unless I start commenting, no one bother to comment and talk to me... And more... At the end of the day, I'm alone, and I can even guess some people will laugh at me coz of my big size and unsocializable kunun...

In a few years time, I would like to see how will I be doing... If I don't end up at the madhouse, then I consider myself lucky... At this rate, It won't be long before I end up in the docks... Everywhere I go, I always end up alone... If you don't believe, go and see whereever I am... And see all the groups of people, and where I stand... In the middle...

Alone...

Falling Slowly...

For the first time in a long while, I just sat here, listening to a nice song by Kris Allen, and my mind just went blank... empty... no thoughts... just really listening and really feeling the song... And it feels good, relaxed, thoughtless... I really liked the song, the mood... After talking about stuff with my friend, suddenly i just went blank...

The song in question? Falling Slowly, from the movie "Once", sang by Kris Allen during American Idol, originally by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová... Its a beautiful one, i suggest you all go find it...

And from that and from that period of silence, here's a song I wrote, all from my head...

I had some good times and some bad times, but all worth going through
Just to see you smile, makes my day and night
I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way
And I hope this feeling lasts forever...

I had some heartbreaks and some heartaches
I've also had some nightmares and some sleepless nights
None can compare to the reality of waking up
Without you in my sight and in my heart...

I've never known the feeling of being close to your heart
To make you feel my love
I just wish one day you'd come running to my arms
And the whole world will seem miles apart...

Yeah, its been a rollercoaster few months... Haven't wrote a note or blogged in a long while... From the highs of RAY camp, to the lows of exams, to the highs again of seeing 2 people in my life whom i havent met for so long, for different reasons... This is to Aldric, my lil brother, im so glad and so happy to have a lil brother like ya, and so happy to see ya after a long while... And to Maxine, i know this is going to be awkward, but I'm very happy to see ya and get to talk to ya after a long while, and glad to see ya alright... Hope to keep in touch, and take care ya... You were my lil sis, and I hope we still are... n_n!

A more detailed and personal note coming soon! Had it written on paper, now had to find it...

Long absence of emotion and reason...

The reason i titled it that way is coz my internet was out for the best part of 3 weeks, and i really miss blogging and writing notes, and communicating with friends, and during that period i had what was called an absence of emotion, always down and out, and my reasoning was kinda out... Oh how i miss it...

Anyway, i don't know why, but when listening to some songs, i really miss the moments i had with certain people, my brother, my sister, my friends, and someone that i care alot for, and i just miss last year so much that i still cant believe it's gonna be October 2008, and soon Christmas, and soon new year... For the first time in my life, im really dreading the new year, coz alot of changes will happen, and some that will rock my world... I'm ready for it, but i just dont know how long will it take for me to wake up and say "gee, i cant do this anymore" or "omg, my friend is moving far far away and i really miss that friend" and the worst thing is to lose contact... Ok im thinking too much, but better to think then not to think... Get it?

The last few months has been really an eye opener, and finally i woke up and realize, its 2008, its ending, and time passes so freaking fast... After my second semester started, it was kinda boring, ok la, but only 15 ppl in class, 15! omg... but the good thing is we get 2 know each other better, so yeah its ok... hehe... other than that, same old same old, boring life, single, still looking, and i know, everyone hates me... haha jk jk...

It's been a while since i last met my lil bro Aldric and my sis Shalei... One is busy wif PMR and one is in KL... Go figure... miss dem very much... esp my lil bro... looking back at pics from last year, he seems to always be in pics with me, that's how much i love my lil bro... and yet i rarely talk with him coz he has been always busy, and i seem to catch him in a wrong time always... lol...

Back to now, recently RAY had a thanksgiving dinner for the Mission Possible Rally, and it was a blast, and i had a great nite, get 2 hang out with all my friends, after all its not every time an event like dat happens... i get to meet friends from both RAY and LT, and dats great... haha... and LifeTeen, wow, more and more juniors joining, and its getting bigger! which is great, and now that some seniors are retiring due to old age (haha well not dat old... ;-) hehe...) and maybe return as Sub-Core... hehe... ever expanding!

Well, i guess that's it for now... That's pretty much my life now recently in one big wrap.. lol...\

It feels good to blog again... ah...

Cheerio!

Mission Rally Finale recaps...

Yeah, i know it's been a while, was kinda busy, but now finally i can give my thoughts and recap of an amazing night...

It started with the Mission 1, where LifeTeen helped out with the rally... and it was great, although it was kinda hot (it was afternoon what else?)... There was Praise and Worship by LT and RAY, as well as a haring by Sharlene... but it ended early, which was quite a dampener, but nonetheless it was nice... unfortunately, i missed Mission 2 coz i was sick and had to rest, but that set up nicely for the Finale...

The rally started after 7.30 pm, and had arrived only just, and when i arrived, i didn't know what to expect, and to be honest i was just blown away, and what was to come, i will remember for a long time... the set up was very good, professional, but even those were put to shade (literally!) by a blackout (not once, but twice! whether by accident or by purpose, you decide..)... me and my mates went to seat, and the show begins...

The night started out with opening songs, then it was Praise and Worship... Then the first blackout, but still they continued to praise and worship, and perform... luckily the power went back on in a while, and the first one looks like it was kinda planned (i dunno)... Then there was one of three lucky draws for prizes, and a talk by Father Steven from Australia (if i'm not mistaken), and then more Praise and Worship... truly it was an amazing night... then the second blackout happened... the passion, the spirit, the will shown by everyone present that night, continuing to praise God and perform, and sing, was absolutely speechless... it was truly... words could not describe it... The second time was true... Then the power came on (again) and show resumes... haha...

Then there was the draw for the grand prize, but no closing song... small details, no, but still it was great... the night was great for me personally, and i'm sure for the others who were present... wish there was more of these kinda events often... hehe... last year was LT concert, now its RAY mission rally... next year, who knows... hehe...

(sorry no pics, i didnt take much, was concentrating on the night!)

Did you ever think about the day...

... that you will get your first job?
... that you will meet your one true love?
... that you will win an Olympic Gold medal? (ok now that's too far... haha!)

anyway, my point is, have u ever gave a thought about your future, your plans, goals, achievements and so on... and this is where i must congratulate Lee Chong Wei for winning an Olympic silver medal... it really is a good achievement... from the small boy playing badminton in Bukit Mertajam, to the academy, to who he is now... u gotta say, he has his aims and goals, and he's getting ever closer!

anyway, lately i havent been blogging around lately, due to my comp getting bust for weeks, my final exams, and lots of stuff to do... hehe... its been a month... wow.. whereas if i was at school, no matter how busy i was, i would still blog every 2-3 days... gee life has changed...

in just these last few months, i had gone thru more emotional rollercoasters than the last 2 years... wow... the course isn't tough, its actually fun and easy, but its the expectations, the people around me, and the pressure that got to me... dont get me wrong, i can handle pressure, but when it totally overwhelmes you, that's when it starts to get to ya...

i guess i should be happy, i solved alot of problems that happened this last few weeks, and actually have something to look forward to, but the lingering feeling remains, that the damage has been done... i wonder, i feel like used goods, past sell by date, not good enough for anyone, always be 2nd rate... im not saying its true, but hey, anything can happen...

its true dat if u dont blog often or u havent blogged for a long while, then its hard to get blogging again... hopefully i can blog well soon again... hehe...

anyway, last week was my final exams for semester 1, so now im on a 2 week sem break, and back for sem 2 on 2 sep... yeah... finally the holidays to recover and think about all d things ive done... final exams were ok, kinda easy but tricky, hope i pass all.. but i aim for all As, gotta strive to be the best, and set high aims, like Michael Phelps. 8! gold medals... salute... hehe... hopefully i will get 5As =c 5 gold medals... hahaha.... jk jk...

Mission Possible Rally was awesome, maybe i'll post about it in a separate post, with pics... keep u posted... oh and Aline, sorry i tink i havent given u de pics! lol...

what else? thats it i guess... not much before final exams, just fooling around, studies and so on.. lol.. so await my post on the Finale Rally!

Donkeytown...

As i listen to this song, it made me think back to memories of 2006, and all the good times, and since this song is about a quiet town, donkeytown, and checking out, and it really suited me now...

ever had a dream where u enjoyed it so much and dreamt about you and your loved ones, and then wake up in the morning to reality, and think to yourself, damn, wish it was true... ever had that moment when you went back in time, and saw the memories that help shape who you are now, and think "wish i can change the past"...

that's the danger of thinking too much, and dreaming too much, for the past is past, and now is the time to make a change, be who you want to be, and lead a better life than you had in the past... what's past is gone, and think that your life now is better than the past...

yeah...

... but it's hard to forget the past... but one thing's for sure, i will never forget all the good times...

ok back to the current times... hehe...

lately this last few days has been really strange, really really one of the most rollercoaster ones i ever had... and crying in class, wow, before an exam, lucky it didnt affect it much, or else i would have been in trouble... hehe.... i don't know why, im a bit emotional, im too big hearted, i care for people too much, till i get easily affected, and really up and down... yea... gotta try and be less caring maybe, or just be strong...

today i had the chance to look back and reflect on the past few days, and yeah it was kinda silly for me to cry, but i mean i cant stand it, if i just keep all those emotions to myself, its gonna get worse, so that's why, the crying released all (or most) of it, and even now i still feel kinda weird, up and down... wow... maybe its the exam blues, coz its less than a month till exam starts, and this time in college, its much more dangerous, so yeah... hope i can do my best! and i slept most of the day coz its so boring being stuck in my room, i cant go out coz my house is kinda messy, under renovation... so boring.. yeah, that's life being a single kid, no sibling to talk to and share your problems..

One of the problems of having no siblings, you cant talk to anyone when u have problems (im not gonna share it with my parents, crazy?!), when u need a friend or company at times, and lots more... gee... oh well... gotta get on with life...

today, i did my assignment, and oh, talked to my friend Jacquelene on the phone, bored kan.. hehe.. tular Aldric too busy, jarang meet him already... i miss my didi Aldric owh... ahaha... bha Jac, jaga2 dia d skul la.. lol.. guess im lucky to meet a didi like Aldric, altho he's busy, still.. hehe... and a nice fren Jacquelene, a really nice person, and jaga my didi at skul (just kidding! hehe...)... just wish i had a family like dat, aldric my lil brother... hehe...

well, that's all i think... after the emotions of the last day and last post, this is kinda considered mild... ahaha...

tata!

Explosion of emotions...

... that just happened out of nowhere around 12.58 pm at Room 18-2 at my college... all the emotions, all the thoughts and all the stress and pressure of the last few days finally took its toll on me, and i just let it all out in painful silence, silent tears dropping down my eyes... And eventually i cried as hard as i just wanted to... The emotions just overwhelmed me... Why is this happening?! Damn...

It all started yesterday, after Accounting test... it was ok, not hard, just be careful, and cautious... after i finished the test, i was resting, and then it just hit me: "dang it, all my friends, my good friends, have gone already, or are going away soon..." and suddenly thoughts just rushed to my head... dang it... then i remembered d past, and all d memories, and then "damn" suddenly there's a big void where the past was, and like i felt so cold and scared, that u know everyone's going away, and you struggle to fathom it, even though u know it and have accepted the fact... it just hit me... and after that i felt sad, and then my emotions was even worse when something happened, that made me feel funny, left out, sad and weird... then i went to the library to get away and calm myself down... my mood was absolutely crazy and down... so i wanted 2 cry at d lib, but didn't, and my fren asked me wats wrong, and talked2 it out, and then ok abit, but the down was still there... and i cried on the way home from class...

Then today, worse was to come... I was kinda sad that my friends were going off soon, tomorrow and next week... then in accounting, i still couldn't understand one particular topic, and kept doing the excercises wrong, and this added to my stress (i know i know such a small thing to stress on, but during the heat of the moment in the class, u will know why...) and also self doubts and thoughts begin to creep in... but before that, a few days ago, suddenly coz of what my dad said, i wanted to shout and scream "why dont i have any siblings?! why am i d only kid?! is it coz u hate little children?!" and i just wanted 2 scream... imagine all these years being d only child... so lonely and depressing... then i just wanted 2 scream again today, but i cant.... so all those culminated with the burst of emotion at class... coz of siblings, studies, friends, my crush, everything... coz i keep on accidentally hurting my friends, and kept getting hurt... im really sorry...

haih sometimes i wonder, am i too caring and friendly till i hurt my friends... ppl say im a genius, but i cant even go through accounting smoothly... i explode too often, so wats d use of being a good person when i end up hurting the ones i love? haih...

hopefully i will learn from all this past mistakes, and as my friends (esp jess my classmate... thanks alot jess... really owe u lots...) advice me and talked 2 me, forget the past, move on, just forget ot, think of now, and think that your life now is better than in the past... yeah...

... but sometimes its hard to ignore or forget the past... it keeps coming back to haunt or disturb you...

Depreciation...

Yeah, it's been a while since i last wrote, being busy with classes, tests and all... Life recently has been one emotional rollercoaster, and just days ago i had probably the biggest heartbreak and shock...

LifeTeen recently said goodbye to Donovan Funk, and also Shalei, my lil sis, and it seems that more and more people are leaving. Change is a-coming... Gonna miss those two, and also to all my friends who are leaving, and will be... The list goes on... Oh well... They will always be my friends, and can still contact them whenever... The modern world now has endless possibillities... So to all my friends leaving, good luck, all the best, and take care mates...

Well, at least there's new friends at college, and so far my class has been kinda nice, if not wacky and fun... The subjects are kinda ok, although accounting can be a little struggle at times... Double entry, credit, debit... haha... I met one new friend, and her name's Jessica Chin, and she is a wonderful friend, so lucky to know someone like her... haha... she's a very nice person, understanding, and sot2... hahaha! and also Victor, my crzay partner... haha... sama2 siap kerja awal... wakaka... he's an accouniting genius... and also Evelyn, my old pal from LT, and now classmates... Brilliant... haha... So lucky to be in a class that has some wacky people... haha... livens up the class at times...

maybe that's it for now... ran out of ideas... haha... cheers!

What an amazing 2 weeks! Mega weekend out!

Part 1 was about camp, and thanks to my friend, made a small edit and republished it...

Now for part 2...

After camp, i got home, all sad, coz this was my last camp, and i had 2 go 2 classes the very next day, unlike all my friends who had school holidays... oh man... haha... and i actually almost cried at class, coz the emotions of the moment just got me... That's how much i miss camp, and what happened....

Well, life got on as usual, until Friday, when me and some of our friends went out, and hang around... We had planned to catch a flick and then shop around, but what eventually happened was so awesome, and way past anything i had ever imagined.. LOL... it was a truly great day, me and my friends did something great... oh, and congratulations to Fred and Gloria, officially engaged on Friday... so it was a good day...

Then it was Saturday, and Fred and Glo's CG had an outing to go watch a movie and hang around, movie treat actually... hehe... so there were like 17 of us, and woah it was so cool man... we all watched Indiana Jones (supposed 2 watch Narnia again, but late showtime... huhu...) at 12 noon... I brought my friend, Jacquelene Danica along, kinda like a guest... hehe... too bad Aldric can't come, would have loved to hang out with my titi... haha! so we all played games 1st (well, almost all...) and Walter, Adam and Jason raced against Fred, and all 4 cars were linked... the result? an awesome and hillarious race... if u were there, gerenti ketawa... those 4 guys were literally racing each other, and eventually Fred won (hahaha!) the race... then the girls raced, baru 1st lap suda berlanggar... haha... then guys again, then girls... some of us went to play other games... so siok!

Then it was showtime, and the movie was great, funny, and kinda interesting... I wont reveal much about the movie or else spoil suda... haha! then we all went down to eat, and planned our next jouney, mass... Too bad some of us cant make it to mass, coz of time... but most of us did, some followed Jason's car (the girls la dat... haha...) while the rest of us either took d bus or walked... yes, walk from CP to SHC... Yeah, me and a few friends walked 2 mass... But before that, we went window shopping, and they were looking for shirts... hehe... had a nice time jalan2 and hanging out with them, esp with friends that i can rarely meet and hang out with, like Jacquelene (my titi's babysitter! ahaha juz kidding!), Javier, my sis Shalei... so yeah... thanks alot to Fred and Gloria for bringing us all out... hehe... and for the tickets!

Then we walked to SHC for mass, and along the way we met Eman driving, along the road, so we asked him to give a lift to one of us, and the rest of us continued marching on... What a day... hehe... Then mass, then hang out before going home...

So that was it, basically... Too bad there was no LifeNite...

It was a really fun experience, and i really enjoyed the 2 days... now that my time in LT is almost up, enjoy it while u can... hehe... next year i'll be back, as a sub-core hopefully... wakaka...

so until next time, tata!

"This is the time of my life!" - David Cook

Congratulations DC! What an emotional victory! Respect!

What an amazing 2 weeks! LifeTeen Camp 2008!

From the LifeTeen Youth Camp, to the charity work, to the CG outing, and time out with friends, it's really been an amazing 2 weeks, and the great thing is, it was truly awesome!

First off, LifeTeen camp...

It was truly an amazing camp, my last ever LT camp, and it really touched me and really made me sit up and think... haha... It was awesome, despite all the difficulties and problems...

It was in Kaingaran, Tuaran, and the place is very nice, but no line most of the time, so imagine the panic and flurry of people trying to get signal (yes Javier and Jason, i mean u, and me as well... haha!) and call their "loved ones".. (insert name here:)

OK seriously, we took the afternoon bus at 3 pm, and reached at 6 pm, and upon arrival, woah, cooling, but not that cold, and the place was nice... Great, where's the boys' dorm? Thought it was next to the hall, but those are for the girls, lucky them... Guys dorm? Walk down... and keep walking... keep walking... keep walking... (hey this is not a Johnnie Walker ad ah!) down the hill, down, down, and then down a steep pathway, and finally, the guys' dorm, some few km farther (and deeper, i swear it was so much lower than the hall level!) from the hall... Ok, so we unpacked, and settle in, then we went to the hall for the opening stuff, and watched the movie "Pay It Forward", and the opening dance, Malo malo Dance... haha! then its off to bed, after a long walk back...

Second day (or first day officially) of camp, and woke up to a beautiful morning, and the rest of the day was great... The opening mass was kinda nice, then gther at the hall for Group photo session... kinda rushing... but nice... then the 1st session was by MelNic, about the holy life of Blessed Pier Girogio Frassati (itailano, yes...) and what he did... His charitable life is really a great example.. And then it was lunchtime, then session 2 was about Holiness and striving to be Holy... Then teatime, and we returned to the dorm, before dinner, and then it was Praise and Worship, and the 3rd session is about Family Issues - Made For Holiness... The talks were great, and i learned alot from it, the Praise and Worship (P&W) was cool, and the skits were nice as well... (Skit language ahead:) "Eh, maaaaaannnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaalllllleett saaaaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaa?" hahaha! "Didcha see that?! didcha?! me too! let's rewoind!!" haha.... (maybe i will post a video of it on youtube soon, or maybe my friends...)

Third day (second day offcially) of camp, and first off was the Sunday Mass, and Healing session together at the church... It was really good... then it was Session 4, Social Issues and the Big Picture... it was about the growing challenges in life, and they highlighted certain aspects of social life, such as the music we hear, and so on... Then lunchtime, and the geng tangga sit together and makan2... haha... u know who u are... then it was Confession and Counselling... I didnt manage to go for Confession, coz there were too many people... then teatime, and then it was time for the outreach people to share their experiences living with the village folks... It was so nice, i regretted abit that i didnt go, but i was not really fit, had a hip injury, so i cant... The sharing really made me think, man im so lucky to have all that i have now, when those people could survive on bare necessities and make the most of what they have...
Then it was Praise and Worship, High Praise, and the session was absolutely amazing, and i felt really touched and so happy... I dunno why, but i felt happy... Guess that's just what He wants me to be... Then the session ended, and bedtime...

Last day, man that's when i felt so sad, coz it was the last day, and it was my last camp... Wake up and got my bags straight to the hall in preparation... It was time for the final session, sharing and testimony of the teens... I actually wanted to go up and say alot of things, but when i got up, i forgot what i wanted to say and said little only... There were quit a number of people who went up and shared their testimony, and each of them was unique... Then it was the final morning mass for us, and it started to rain.. Then we all packed up, and got ready to go home... So sad... Took some final pics, go around, and then got ready to leave... The crazy gang (me and my friends) we all gathered, and boarded the same bus again, but the final day was kinda messy and chaotic, and then as we were about to leave, the bus in front of us got grounded, so our departure got delayed... Then as we travelled back, we stopped at Gunung Emas, and bought food and took pics there... And i managed to hurt myself falling down... Lucky it was only a minor injury... Then we arrived at SHC, and the end...

Overall throughout this camp, it was an amazing experience, and totally different from previous camps, and best of all, the talks were nice! I really wished the camp wouldn't end, alas, all good things must come to an end, so, with that, i bid LTYC 2008, adieu, but it will always stay in my memory forever!

So that's it about LifeTeen camp.. sure i may have missed some things out due to time constraints writing it, or for some reasons... It's the middle of the night, and i'm typing this, so bear the mistakes... But basically, that's it...

(Part 2, the aftermath and continuation of camp, will be written next time)

It's been a while.... 9 months!

yeah, it's been 9 months since i last blogged here... Well, my main blog is now at Vox, which is so cool and versatile... Don't get me wrong, Blogger is ok, but Vox is better....

My last post here was about LifeTeen Youth Camp 2006, and how coincidentally, now im gonna update about LifeTeen Youth Camp 2007! The theme for this year is "U, God's Masterpiece and it was so cool!

Ok, so i won't be able to type it all out again, but you can read it on my new blog, which i have been using as my main blog and website since last year, at http://kenlaiya-yangyang.vox.com ok? Give comments!

So i will leave this blog, maybe update it once in a while, for archiving purposes...

Once again, my new blog, at http://kenlaiya-yangyang.vox.com yeah...

Tata!

Holiday hangovers...

Well, its been the 1st week since holidays, and honestly im still suffering from holiday hangovers... hehe... But its been good...

My school (Sabah College) were invited (for the 1st time, i think!) to participate in the Inter-School CF Bible Quiz today, and the quiz was held at All Saints Cathedral (why not at Sacred Heart?)...

Each school has 4 ppl in the quiz itself; besides that each school needs to give a short performance, so we all performed a (super)short skit, slideshow and singing... we brought the song, 'One Way' (which was sooo cool!)....

Arrived at 7 am juz now, and seemed lost and alone, then had me fren to bring me in... Turned out nearly all of me mates were there.... Went in, saw a few of me friends from camp and LifeTeen (hehe), and then took pics of me school mates, and the quiz started.

So wished me mates good luck, mind me own buisness, and hanged around... Then came the first performances, was good, then quiz again, then performance, the quiz again, then another rprerformance, then quiz again.... heheh... The quiz was divided into 4 rounds, and 2 schools are eliminated at each round, with the final 2 in the last round... Sabah College nearly made it, but missed the final by 1 point.. We eventually finished 3rd, so not bad, considering its their 1st time... Maybe next year, when maybe i'll join in... heheh...

Then after the final round, it was our turn for the performance, so up we went... The room felt even colder then before (maybe coz its me?) and then we started the skit... luckily this was just for fun, or else we wouldn't be doing well... hehe... wat 2 do, rehearsed for 5 days onli wor... hehe... then it was the slideshow, presented by me fren, Karen, and then the group singing... We sang "One Way", and it sparked the room to life, and lots of ppl were like singing along to this song.... (maybe coz its famous and its always sung at LifeTeen?) I know me frens did... ;-) Then that's it....

After that, lunch time, sat outside and ate with Max, and then went in for the final results... In the final round of the quiz, Lok Yuk were up against the hosts (and sentimental favourites??) St Francis Convent... Lok Yuk won by a point, 48-47 if im not mistaken, but like they said, winning is not the most important thing in the quiz... But i would have liked to win it... hehe... So, congrats to Lok Yuk, winners, and Convent, runners up... 3rd place, us... not bad.. hehe....

Then when it was time to go home, the Convent girls suddenly sang "Happy Birthday" to Amanda Alexis (who's also my friend... hehe!) ... So cool.. I wished her happy birthday too... Then, i wished n greeted any of me frens whom i met, and went home... And that was that...

Then, i went to LifeNight juz now (wow, its Sunday morning now! 2 am wor...) and there was a talk on the sacrements... My newest fren, Maxine, came along for the first time, and looked blurr (sorry ah! hehe...) but it was ok! Right, Max? The LifeNight was good.. hehe... But i wont be going to next week's lifenite, im off to KL for something... hehe... tata!

(Wow, its 2 am already, and i didnt realize! Gotta sleep!)

Ok, that's all! Till next time, bye! (If got anything left out, lemme know, maybe later i'll update this post!)

The 2006 FIFA World Cup is well and truly underway!

Well, first thing first, VIVA LA ESPANA!! Go Spain! I know im one of the few who support Spain, but watch their games, and so far, they play the best football, created the best moves, and are very intelligent with the ball. And scores goals for fun! I hope Spain will go far in this World Cup... After years of underachievement, maybe, just maybe THIS is their year!

Now, this past week has been filled with the World Cup mania, even in school! hehe... I guess that's the power of football, the ability to unite people into one... Now, the official site, fifaworldcup.com has lots of news, pics, details and info, so i'd suggest you guys and gals check it out!

Who will win the World Cup? Well, Brazil struggled against a brilliant Croatia side, Germany are lucky to scrape a narrow win over Poland, Italy looked good on paper, but failed to live up to its hype in the match, so too Argentina, England's chances look bleak, Holland have failed to impress.. That leaves Spain with a chance of winning it...

I have a lot to say about the World Cup and football in general, but i'll leave that to another day, in my article on a major website... So, tata!

VIVA ESPANA!!