Up In Dust...

If you should ever know this
Is that I never wanted to leave you
But you know better and went your own way
Thinking you know all too well

Letting go of the hand that held you
The one thing you could rely on
As you had that moment to fly
Flying without a rudder

Every memory, moment and decision
All to be with you forever
Yet you let it all go away
Leaving me behind in the dust

It's funny how time can make or break things
Sad to say it's completely over
All little hope, any memory left has all gone up in dust
Leaving you to live your life without me in it

You had so many people around you telling what to do
Around you had many to take care of you
That it seems that I'm no longer wanted or needed
Whatever happened to all the things we said?

After all that's said and done
I just want you to live your life
And if it doesn't have me in it after all the memories
Then alll I can do is walk away into the distance and say goodbye...

After all this time, I'm not needed...

(I wrote this inspired by Daughtry and David Cook, and after a heartbreak sometime ago, and after looking back at the memories that matter to me yet seem little to others... Just a thought, nothing personal, I'm just a songwriter and singer and musician... These are the things that inspire us to write songs...)

Coming back to life...

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of lifeand the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

Ideas of Ideas... Get It?

Do you? Hahaha... well that's some way to start my note off... If this were to be my English Composition essay, I'm not sure if that will go down well, but since it's my own note, I'll give it a shot... Ideas of ideas... Now some of you might think "What has this bugger been up to" or the likes, but hang in there, and I'll make sense of this, I promise you...

... well, maybe not... But that certainly got your attention going right? Now on to the real stuff, the bread and butter of my note...

Ideas are a state of mind, the things that we think of or come into the head, and off we go... Ideas lead to many a splendid thing, but it can also be the reverse, it could lead to worse... Music, essentially, are ideas in the form of music and words... Now here's an interesting question, what comes first, the music or the words?

Lately I haven't been writing much, due to my busy schedule, and now I suddenly find myself free, to think, to comprehend, and to carry on where I've left off some time ago, writing notes and songs... Now comes the first, then soon comes the songs... Inspiration, here I come!

The month January ended, now it's already a week into February, and notice how time ticks away so fast... Time waits for no man, so they say... It was hectic, now with assignments, and I'm looking to get started off as soon as possible.. The groundwork is there already, now on to the thing itself...

I was reading some of my friends' notes about social justice, and I have to say, some were good stuff, some were alright, but It's not up to me to judge, I'm just a reader of works... I read books, articles, interesting stuff and so on... And I write as well... Good job guys and gals!

Which leads me to a good example of social justice that I came to be aware of some 3 years ago, called Solidarinosc, or Solidarity in Polish, which I've written about and highlighted about many times before, with little or no interest, except for one or two... For those of you wanting to know more, you know where to go, your little friend called Google... Now this is the 21st century well and truly alive...

It's nice to see technology used in such a positive way, in the world where it has been used for the opposite... Certainly the world is moving at such a fast pace... I was talking to my friend about it, highlighting that for our generation, in LT we used pen and paper... Today, it's all advanced and internet plots the way now... Sounds old, do I? Well, I ain't THAT old, it was only 2 years ago... hahaha...

I suppose that's it for now... If i keep on going, I'm going to bore you all to sleep, and I wouldn't want that, would I? The world as wee see it will never be the same again... And I shall leave you with a closing thought...

"On the day the wall came down
They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high we raised a cry for freedom had arrived"

Whirlwind...

The last month has been a rollercoaster, and to be truthful I'm still hungover from last December holidays, and I really, really miss the holidays, and doing what I did, and all, it was really fantastic, but now it's in the past, time to start over, and continue on with my life, and hope it will all happen again...

As I said, last December was really great because I got to be together with all the people that I really love, and I would love to do it again next time round... Hopefully things will be the same, if not better then before... But for now, it's time to buckle down and study...

It's remarkable I've been busy with this and that until I haven't had time to settle down and take it all in, let the facts and memories settle in, it's just been one big rush, enjoyable, but stressful also, and the aftereffects can still be felt now...

After coming down to earth from New Year's and a Thanksgiving night with my friends and sis the night before classes, the same week I was going to KL for 9 days, for the INTIMA Conference (the conference was only 3 days, the 6 was to settle, move and shop! haha!) and that same Saturday, I was off again, barely having time to settle down...

9th January, Saturday, arrived at KL, and straightaway went to look for my good friend Jacquelene, and it was nice to meet her again after a while (a year!), so went to watch movie, Old Dogs, it was super funny! Thinking of the movie straightaway makes me laugh, so does Couples Retreat! (watched that back in December, wow!) We went walking around before that, explore Times Square, nice place, but 1st time its abit confusing... hehe... Had a fun day/night out... Thanks Jacq!

10th January, Sunday, woke up to go to mass there at St. John Church, it was my 1st time attending mass there, so I didn't know the way, so Jacq taught me how, then managed to arrive at the nearest (kinda...) station, and walk to the church... Have to say the mass there was different abit... Interesting sidenote, there were many photographers on the way, nearby, and remember this was JUST after the well-publicised attacks (which I will not go into, no politics for me)...

Then after that went to Times Square again, and saw the Nikon Roadshow, fantastic, what cameras! The photographers all had kickass SLRs that would knock the stuffing off my camera, THAT's for sure! Then we took a pic for charity, in a nice photo booth, using the new Nikon D3X (WOW!) and it was a nice picture! Then I went home, and spent the night about Bukit Bintang... It was a nice weekend... hehe kan Jacq! =)

11th-13th January, Monday-Wednesday, I went out with my collegemates, Kimberly, Jenette, Chloe, Eric and special guest Nicky (OMG!) and Jenette's friend, and on the last day with Bryan and Evelyn! On Monday, we went to 1Utama and the Curve, Damansara, and it was a LONG day and night out! hahaha... On Tuesday, we went to Midvalley Megamall in the afternoon, which was nice, its been a long time, and Pavillion in the evening... On Wednesday, we went out to Pavillion, Bukit Bintang and in and around Bintang area... The 3 days were really nice and funny! It was nice, tiring, but worth it, right guys? haha!

14th January, Thursday, did some last minute shopping with them, and got ready to go to Subang for the conference... We went by taxi to 3K Hotel, located quite far from our host, Metropolitan College, for the 7th INTIMA Conference 2010, and settled in the night before...

15-17 January, Friday-Sunday, The conference, I will do a separate review on it, but briefly, it was 3 days of fun, sun, and issues (literally...) haha! Went back to KK at midnight (would you believe it!) and returned home close to 1 am on a Monday morning! Thank God my class was at 1 pm... haha!

SO overall, my trip to KL was a blast, it was awesome, but not without problems and tensions, luckily it was mild, and I really enjoyed it, because it was the first time I went travelling with friends, I got to meet my good friend whom I havent seen in a year, and I had many expriences during the conference, and it was really nice... And that's a wrap!

Kings and Queens

Hello, and welcome to 2010, and to all, Happy New Year! =D The new year has dawned upon us, and brings many a change and mystery... All to play for innit?

This is my first note of the year, and the new year was OK... Unlike many who went to partied or clubbing, I spent my new year in my house, outside my garden, watching the fireworks, calling and texting all my friends... I guess it was alright, kinda fun, and I got to wish my closest ones a Happy New Year! =D

The new year, the 1st day, I went to witness my cousin's engagement, so balik kampung for the 1st day... Kinda nice and relaxing, and it was funny, although long... Still, I got to learn... And later I went to my uncle's house, and met my cousins, nice... =D its been a while since I last went there...

2nd day, my mum's workmate had a wedding reception at Hongkod, or KDCA Hall, and we went, and the place was empty! So unlike Ka'amatan season, where the whole place was alive, awesome! Today, however, it was quiet, with the exception of the reception, so enjoyed it as well, the place brought many memories to me, so nostalgic... But then at night I cried, because of something that dawned on me...

3rd day, today, was the last day of holiday, and sadly, the last day for a long time that I will be able to meet my sis Bianca... yeah, from now on her HP will be taken, so no text and calls during school... I'm OK with that, its for her own good also, but it'll be sad that I can't talk 2 her and share things and experiences... =( this holidays I really got close with my besties, and I can't imagine if I can't contact with them all again, that's scary... =(

I really miss my lil sis, coz she and I share alot of secrets with each other, and trust... Guess this is the test of time, whether after this we can still communicate the way it used to be... Until then, take care sis! <3 ya! =) I don't care if people don't understand this, as long as I have this family, I will keep them in my heart... They're what I have, and I really treasure each and everyone of them... =)

So as a new year dawns, and I hope this year I can be a better person, and maintain my studies, as well as keeping in touch with all my friends, and (most of all) getting fitter! hahahaha! That's a must, I need to get fit to start training soon!

Bianca Biancie budu budu! Miss ya! =P!

What a decade 2000-2009!

Alas, not only the year is ending, but also the decade 2000-2009, its been a wonderful and amazing decade, not only in terms of my progress, but as with all the memories also... School, life, friends, all amazing, all awesome...

The year has been great, so so so many memories, and places, but with it also comes sadness and downs, for I will miss them alot... This Christmas season, carolling, I will never forget, and I got my wish and dream come true, and I'm thankful for that... =)

The decade is mostly about school, heck from 2000-2007 it makes up 8/10 years of my life in school! I miss the school days, the camaderie, the friendship, the people, and the suspense that greets us every new school year... And most of all, before exams we would go study together at the library, and end up having some great times!

During school days, especially in secondary school, 2003-2007, I had many moments with classmates and friends, really unforgettable, and went through alot of moments, good, bad and embarassing! hahaha!

One of them was in 2006, when I was in form 4, and we had Gap students from UK for our school, so basically they were helping out and teaching us, and when it was their last day, I remember lots of students wanted to say goodbye, and my friend Anthea really wanted to take a pic with them, so she rushed to the office, and me being the photographer, had to chase her and the gap students all around school! It was tiring and really funny, but in the end, managed to take pics and say goodbye... XD!

Another thing I can't forget in school was my best friends around me, Alvin, Mortigou, Leslie, Jonathan, 1 gang 5 org... haha... funny owh! and also Lorenzo, Zeff talking about American Idol always (syg dat time I had no Star World.. =( huhu...) and the Happy Family, and the Boys at the Back, 5 Makmur 2007, all awesome! Really miss those times!

Also, Lifeteen 2005-2008 (yeah I joined in late 2005) was another period of my life where It was awesome as well! The camps, sessions, Lifenites, healing, prayer, worship, I really missed it, and I guess now I need it more then I ever do... I miss the camaderie, the sessions, and I learned alot, and grew alot... Not to mention the friends and family that I found in you all, thank you! =D I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world... Thank God that I found all this!

Besides that, all my friends, thank you for making my years, and the decade, every one of you I meet is really great, so give yourself a big hand and a drink! Thank you everyone, and let's look forward to the next decade and beyond! =D

All The Way North...

The world in the rear view mirror
Says goodbye further and further away
You turn around towards your back
The side of your face is still very beautiful
I use my vision to chase
I unexpectedly hear your tears

Lingering outside the car window
Is the chance I missed
You are standing in position
Tears across the middle of you and me
The view of the street has been recoiling all along
The bits and pieces of your collapse are outside the window

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
You say you are very tired
You already have no way to fall in love with anyone else
The wind blows on the mountain road
The frames in the past are all my wrongs
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you

The world in the rear view mirror
Says goodbye further and further away
You turn around towards your back
The side of your face is still very beautiful
I use my vision to chase
I unexpectedly hear your tears

Lingering outside the car window
Is the chance I missed
You are standing in position
Tears across the middle of you and me
The view of the street has been recoiling all along
The bits and pieces of your collapse are outside the window

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
You say you are very tired
You already have no way to fall in love with anyone else
The wind blows on the mountain road
The frames in the past are all my wrongs
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
The steering wheel encompasses
Rotating around my regrets
I speed up to exceed it
Yet I can't lose the grief following closely
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you
Stop the heartlessness
Just let wrong be pure

2009: The Year In Review

The time of the year has come, to do a look back on what has been a momentous year, a year full of surprises, drama, and above all, bridging the gap between the past and the future... The year 2009 has brought many a trials and tribulations, and many challenges, but it all could have easily been gone so wrong... The year started like 2008, in Singapore, and that’s where the story begins...

January

The year started with me still in Singapore, still hangover from the Super Series Masters Finals in Likas, then straight off to Singapore, and when I returned home, I was mentally exhausted, but far from it all being over, it only had just begun... It was the 3^rd semester in college, and it was one of the toughest ever... Meanwhile our era in LT was over, and it was hard to initially keep up with the fact that it was over... It all seemed so recent that we were still in, now we’re on the outside looking in... The month was generally quiet, nothing much happening, so not much to say here...

February

The semester got ridiculous as we entered February, we had 9, yes NINE! Assignments all at once! It was crazy, how did I survive this tumulus period is incredible... This really made my year, I had overcome a big obstacle, and it somehow gave me confidence, and from there it just took off... Meanwhile, I and Walter were given one last chance to join LT choir, and it was emotional... It was on Valentine’s Day, and we stayed behind, and that night seems to be a turning point in my life... Yes, it was sad to leave LifeTeen, but we all have to move on, and that night was the start of a new life... Also, this month I was accepted to be one of the RAY camp leaders, and all month we had training and preparation for the camp in March...

March

My birthday month! As usual, nothing happens on my birthday... We had bro Jerome’s birthday party at TNGC, and it was fun! Thanks Jerome! I really appreciate it bro! =) Then it was RAY camp time! The camp was awesome, and I got a lot of experience, learned a lot, and really had fun working with the people during the camp, and experience what it’s like to organise and lead a camp, instead of just being the participant... That definitely taught me a lot... And the fact that the camp was in Bundu Tuhan, made it all nice! Probably that was the only highlight of the month, and the fact that FINALLY I finished all my 9 assignments!! YEAH! What a semester!

April

April Fools! And April means... Final Exams! Thankfully, I passed all my subjects, and got an A, but not good enough to get an award... No matter... The month reunited me with 2 people very close to me, whom I haven’t met in a long time, Aldric and Maxine! I really missed them, and it was so nice to meet them again, and especially Maxine! =) Also, the month saw me make my 1^st outing, and I went out with Trish, Gabby, Serene, Sammy, Adam, Walter and Dominic... Nice day out!

May

May was the start of my 4^th semester, and at last an easier semester than the last, although it was still tough... LT bazaar at the start was OK, not many people compared to last year’s, which was pretty sad, but still OK... Then went to CMI twice for events, Harvest Festival celebration, with Walter, Serene, Sammy, Gabby and the rest, and it was cool! But the real surprise was at the end of the month, when I got a last minute call to volunteer as helpers for LT camp, which meant that I was going to the camp, via the back door! And I really had a great experience from the other point of view; from what was it like to deal with camp... hehe... The month was awesome coz of the camp!

June

June was the jazz month, we had the KK Jazz Fest which I really enjoyed and was really awesome... In terms of pictures taken and moments had, the first half of the year January to June was kind of low key, except for the two camps... The KK Jazz Fest was really nice, top stuff, brilliant jazz music, and of course, Double Take! Wow! Then after that it was SHC Family Day, one of the few this year incidentally... and this day stood out for me, because of what happened during and after this day, and it’s something I still am scratching my head over... No matter, now it’s over, so let’s move on...

July

INTI Night, my college’s annual dinner, and St. Simon Youth Night, were 2 events that stood out... First, the college dinner was nice, although there were some complications, but overall I enjoyed the night, and the food was great... XD! Then there was a good luck and farewell (now they’re back on holiday though!) to a few of my friends, Rick, Trish and Cassie... Then the big one, the youth night, featuring LifeTeen, Lifeline and the youth groups! It was an awesome night, and again I got to meet my old friend, Maxine, as well as some friends that I haven’t met in a while... I really like it, and hope there will be another one next year!

August

August was a good month, despite the exam month, and last minute assignments were no more thankfully... My best friend Alvin came back from France (ah bonjour!) and we got to spend time and hang out with some old buddies, and had a great time! Then there were the final exams, and a 2 week holiday at the end! The end of the month saw us bidding farewell to Angeline, who was continuing her studies in China, all the best! Overall it was a quiet month...

September

The month September was to prove to be a month of changes, of emotions and happenings... The month started with a concert by Roger Wang and Re:mix Orchestra from Singapore, and I really loved their matinee concert, really nice performance, jazz! Then I had my new semester in college, and It was a transition, as I was elected into the student council, known as INTIMA, which to be honest, I don’t know whether I can handle it or not, hopefully I can.. Then RAY had a visit to MV Doulos the ship, and it was a fun day out... Then the big one: Father Stan Fortuna Youth Rally in Foochow Hall! It was the biggest 2 days of my life, and the experience was awesome! I will never forget this for all my life, and despite what happened, it will only bring all of us great memories! =) I will never forget the sessions, the talks, the performances, and my friends, brothers and sisters!

October

The month started off with a bang, with my INTIMA ceremony, and college visit to the Lok Kawi Zoo, then the SHC Bazaar on 4^th October, 3 events in 4 days... Of course October is exam month for my 5^th semester, and I spent the whole month studying at library, or trying to, and also hanging out with friends... Then I had my awards ceremony, and I got a prize for getting good results during my 4^th semester, and I’m happy I achieved something again! Then it was Kimberly’s birthday at Kbox... The month ended with the 1^st Joint Interact Dinner, which I went to just to see how my old pals are doing, and follow my friends and cousin! =)

November

Finally it was my yearend holiday! I’m so relieved! =) The month was awesome! I got to enjoy, relax, and hang out with people, and I was invited to Samuel’s birthday party (Thanks Sam!) and had a water-filled fun, and enjoyed it... Then it was carolling practice time, meaning Christmas season is now upon us! Then on 21^st November, the big day, it was LifeTeen’s Frederick Wong and Gloria Chiew’s wedding! Congratulations! It was a very nice and blessed wedding... The month ended with another carolling practice for RAY and LT... The only problem was: which one? In the end, for various reasons, I went with LT... And I think I made the right call... So on with carolling!

December

December means carolling time! I eventually went with LifeTeen, because so many ex-Lifeteeners returned to join for carolling, and I didn’t want to miss out, and also I get to go carolling with my lil sis Bianca and cuz Sammy! =) So our group was under Mel Aud, and in our carolling group was Dina, Joanne, Tim, Bianca, Sammy, Gabby, Jasmine, Stannia, Aristotle, Malcolm, and Mel Aud with Boly... We went to some unexpected places, like Sembulan, the Fire Station, Police quarters, and even Waterfront! But all in all, it was a great experience, and I enjoyed spreading the Good News, and carolling, and leading all of them... haha... Yeah, I’m the only stand-out, so it was funny... The nights that Mel Aud rested, Friday and Tuesday, I joined Dominic’s group, and had fun being reunited with old friends and some new ones as well... So overall, from Monday 7^th to Tuesday 15^th, it was hectic, but great!

Besides that, I had a day out with all my friends and family, and almost all made it the 1^st time round, which I’m so happy! Those that went were Aldric, Johenson, Javier, Bianca, Sammy, Serene, Gabby, Trish, Jason, Theodora, sad that Jerome and Walter couldn’t make it... Got to spend time with Aldric, it’s been a long time since I went out with him, and the rest... I will never forget that day, 2^nd December 2009! =) Then the next day, I went out with my old classmates, and had fun, and really missed them! I’m glad and happy to meet them all again! =) We went Karaoke, and then watched Ninja Assasin... wakaka bloody work! XD! So happy to spend time with them! Then the next day again (yes, 3 straight days out) I went out with my best friends Angelica and Francess, and we went to watch New Moon... well, OK lah, nice, but at times boring... forgive me Twilighters... hahaha... Then we took sticker pics and went jalan2... =)

Then 8^th December I went out with Aldric, Bianca, Jerome, Cassie and her friends, and we watched Couples Retreat, lawak gila babi! Hahaha! Awesome comedy! Lawak bah! Everyone should watch it! (But be warned: 18 and above... =P!) still, it was awesome! XD! So December has been all about carolling and 4 days out with friends... wow!

-----

So far, from January to December right after carolling, the year has been a rollercoaster, but then again life isn’t always happy and on the up, and no year is perfect... It’s how we live through these imperfections and learn from our mistakes, and how to turn those bad times into good... I’ve had some great moments, and I really cherish them all... And also, a big shoutout to my family, Aldric, Johenson, Bianca, Jerome, Sammy, Gabby, Serene, Walter, and everyone, thanks for everything, and I really love you all! =)

I will always cherish and remember this year, despite all the problems and difficulties that I had, and I sincerely hope that things will be the same again...

Roll on 2010!

The crush of love...

I wonder, as im turning 20 next year, how much of a progress have I made in life personally... I feel that I haven't been progressing, maybe even going backwards, and I'm really worried... To be honest, I'm exactly where I am in life as in 3 years ago, and I haven't really progressed from that, besides my studies of course... I feel awkward... I don't have a driving license (always busy, never had time to start it damn!), I don't have a girlfriend (frustrating juga la... haha!), I'm still the same, I don't have this or that, or I have this or that which I shouldn't have... You get the picture...

Sometimes I feel good about myself, sometimes I don't... Like there's always something better I can do... Part of this stems from the fact that I'm always thinking, always planning, thinking alot, and thinking about others... I hate my brain, it's always on, but I'm not smart either! I always think about different things, like how this and that, about sport... AAAH!

One day I'm high and happy coz of my family, now I'm down coz of this... haizz... I hate this you know... I only want to remember the good things... And let's keep it that way!

Love is... a crush... crush of love... What is love? Is love the feelings that are bound together by a single thread that links us all?

Once upon a time in Scotland...

When I was growing up, I loved to listen to instrumental music, especially celtic music, folk, Scottish, traditional, they were all nice... And it reminded me of my childhood, growing up to these tunes, and pretty much knowing about Scotland long before I was now...

Nowadays I listen to pretty much everything, blues, jazz, rock, pop, country, RnB, anything that's cool, has a rhythm, and I like listening to... Especially blues and jazz, love the rhythm, and wish I could play like that... One of those I love listening to is modern jazz, smooth and rhythmic...

Someday I would like to record my own compositions, and hopefully let people hear... So far, in my life, I think I wrote many, many songs, some wonderful, some meaningful, and some that I wrote during times of difficulties... I hope that I can go and do a proper demo, with some friends...

Today has been a wonderful day, one month in the planning, and finally it happened today, and because some couldn't make it, we're gonna do it again next Tuesday! =) Finally I get to go out with my bro n sis after a long while together! =) And we get to jalan2 and take pics, so happy! hehe... Hope we can go out again before I go away... Gonna miss them and I'm already missing them, esp Aldric! XD!

Which brings me to this: I love my brothers! They're awesome! =P I love Aldric, he's been my bro for like forever, it feels like real, even though he's always busy (yeah, kadang2 frustrating juga la... haha! XD!) but then this happens... yeah... hehe... and this year, Jerome's been awesome kan? hahaha! always meet every Friday and Saturday, and bila jalan.. XD! Also, Johenson mmg cool la... haha... mcm bestfren sa sudah oh! =P

This year, if really think about it, has been nice, although many downs, but the ups mmg kick! XD!

A tune for Northumbria...

Upon the seaside lays a shipyard
Many hundred years old
A history older than us all
A legacy to be proud of

The ships have come and go along the years
Bringing with it many a tale
One of survival and adventure
Across the seven seas

There laid a coal mine along the Tyne
Miners dig its core to the ground
All in hope to find the gold
Future guarantees of a better life

The north east was so tough
Workers seeking a better future
Ships come and go everyday
All around us buildings to be done

Learn a lesson from this story
One of hard work and honesty
Earning a paycheck day to day
Living life on the edge...

Winter time...

Although we never had any snow here, or even winter, I wish I can experience it one day, in a country with my special ones... I love the winter season, it brings so many memories of childhood past...

When I was a little kid, I used to watch the telly, and during winter, they would show all these programs about winter, christmas, that really piqued my interest, and I used to wonder how would winter feel like... If you have ever watched christmas programmes before, or even about winter, then the feeling, this mysterious feeling, yet one of eagerness, and tenderness... Winter really brings out of us the kid in us... =)

Everytime it was December, and Christmas is around the corner, there is that feeling of winterness in all of us... I loved to watch the snow fall, even if its on telly, or from pictures, but somehow I felt really part of it, as the snow falls, it feels like I'm in the middle of it...

This year has really been a crazy year, that has been full of ups and downs.. But I promised my sis that we will remember all the positives, and remember the good times, and learn from the bad moments... I promised my sis and talked to her about this... =) And she's an awesome sis! I love her! =P! hahaha... And I love my cuz also! hehe... they're awesome! Whenever I'm down, they will cheer me up and pick me up... Aww! I love Bianca and Sammy! =)

Soon maybe I will write a review of my year... Till then, bye for now!

There comes a time...

There comes a time
When nothing lasts forever
And what has been said and done
All to be forgotten

There comes a time in a person's life
When the one whom you care for
And care for you
Starts to drift apart

There comes a time
When siblings start to grow apart
They talk less and less
Thinking that it is not neccesary

But for this world
It is neccesary
For things that seem subtle
May turn out to be the biggest part of your life

It's sad that we have grown apart
You know I will always care for you
Even though you never cared for me
Only for a while it seems

There comes a time
When someone has to say goodbye
To leave this town
Forever...

Alone

Why don't you leave me alone?
Why do you have to keep pushing me
I'm on the edge of disaster
To the point of no breaking back

This is my last second chance
To put everything right
Yet you make it this way
The hard way, no easy way

After all that I have done
All I ask for is for some freedom
Freedom of choice
To follow my heart

All my life I have wanted
To do something right
Yet you never let me do
Just dictating what I do

Life is never easy.. But it is never hard either...

Simply bored...

I can seriously die of loneliness, boredom and frustration now, I was so close yet so far… I was already knocking on the door, and to find that I then went home is absolutely frustrating… I don’t blame anyone, but it’s so frustrating, and i’m bitterly disappointed at not being able to join my mates… Instead what has been a boring and frustrating Saturday night got even worse… Bitterly disappointed….

Tennessee Line...

I open my lungs to breathe in forgiveness and love
Haunting me now reminders of how I used to be
And on down the road my troubles are sure to follow
Looking out the window, the hell if know where I will go
So I'll just keep on driving

On my way to L.A. looking into the rear view as the roads fade away
I've sworn off my past, first to last bad call that I ever made
Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned?
So this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my mind, well it's my heart I'll follow this time

Who would've known that pride is so hard to swallow
As I rest on the shoulder of a road growing colder
With the trouble I own, should I just keep on driving?

On my way to L.A. looking into the rear view as the roads fade away
I've sworn off my past, first to last bad call that I ever made
Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned?
So this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my, well it's my heart I'll follow this time

I know I must be doing something
Head the other way, back to where I started out
Ask myself if I can turn it all around tonight
And stop living with doubt

On my way to L.A. looking into the rear view as the roads fade away
I've sworn off my past, first to last bad call that I ever made
Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned?
So this can all end tonight
Tennessee line just changed my mind, well it's my heart I'll follow this time

I'm gonna turn it all around tonight at the Tennessee line...

(It’s a great song by Daughtry and Vince Gill, a country legend… wonderful!)

Both sides...

On one hand, I wish this year can end quickly, coz it's been a rough year, apart from a few ups and highlights, its mostly been horrific, like a worst nightmare... Everything I tried to do, I failed almost all the time... This has been a year highlighted by failures, and really stinks... If there weren't any highlights, then it would have been a bad year...

On the other hand, I ain't looking forward to next year either.. I'm gonna say goodbye to my teenage years (what explosive years! XD!) and turn 20, and I'm not really in the mood or looking forward to it now... I'm gonna have to leave those years behind me, and I don't wana lose all the memories that I have, and the friends that I made.. Plus, its my final year, and I am not too excited about that...

All in all, I'm in a lose-lose situation... haih.. =( I hate this, you know? And more so, when I talked to my mum, it makes it even worse... go figure...

As the year is ending, and the christmas season is coming, I have been reflecting back on this year, all the ups and downs, and a continuation from last year... Last christmas season, during the holidays, were the best, and hopefully this year I can do it again... I wanted to last Sunday, then at the last moment my lil bro cant make it, so postponed again... haih...

This year has been a really interesting year, with many highlights, firsts and acheivements... Maybe soon I will do a recap of the year in review... =)

Splashing day...

It was a rainy day, that perfectly summed up today: wet and wild! haha! It was Samuel's 16th birthday over at TNGC, and it started off raining, but soon it subsided, so the others went off into the pool, and chaos ensued! It was wild and wet all over, splash here and there, and they really had a good time in the pool... It was a cool party, and thanks! =)

Then after that I went home, then the bad news came... Aldric told me that he couldn't come tomorrow, so the plan to go jalan2 and have some time together with my bro, sis and friends are off... =( this was really down, after I planned already, then call it off.. haih.. I'm sad coz of that now... Now I have to wait 2 weeks for the next chance... I can't wait! =( Hope the next time it can go through.. I want a memory with them this year, and have some quality time, just like last year...

Remembrance Day 2009...

Today, 11-11 is a day to honour the brave soldiers and all those who fought so bravely during the war, and this is a Remembrance Day... Poppy flowers in memory...

And today is a day I will never forget, in other words I will remmeber, not for the right or wrong reasons, but it was a surprise day, one that shook me, but ended up OK, so call it bittersweet, call it up and down...

Today started off well, then in the afternoon, one big shock, an emergency, I don't think I want to talk about it here, only my sis and best friend know, but it was really a shock, but in the end it was alright, although not without any worries! This day can't be more appropriate, on Remembrance Day...

Also, congrats to my sis, and her school, the team, for winning the national competition! hehe... congrats Bianca! =P! I'm proud of ya! hehe... That leads me to wonder, they got a great reception when they went home as champions...

What if anyone had been a world champion, coming from Malaysia, for example badminton... Malaysia has never produced a world champion in badminton, so maybe it's time to rise to the top? =)

This setback today has really made me stop and think about life, and made me realise alot, but I wonder, how come I managed to handle it so cool, when it was a huge emergency? haha...

To Brandon, I wish you a speedy recovery, and it's good to hear you getting well, and I hope you will be alright! =)

I guess life goes on... Battle Studies, coming out by John Mayer! (John, you beauty, love your work, and I oughta get paid for advertising you mate.. haha! kidding...)

Aching Hunger...

It's kinda funny, just sitting here, listening to a composition by Steve Vai, Par Brahm, just listening to something so simple, yet so insightful, the melody's simple, yet intense... As I sit here, waiting for my friends to go online, and chat... Waiting for her to online MSN and play webcam! haha! Jacq, ingat ah! haha... yeah, waiting for her to come online... mana bah ko ni... haha...

As I sit here and listen to the music, my mind kind of floated into the distance, with the music, and the feeling, one of relaxation and peace, is nice, and its been a long time since I actually had time to sit and just unwind... And I thought of all the moments in the past, I had with people, and then I went back into now, and the song ends, and its back home...

I'm feeling kind of strange now, I don't know why... Oh well...