Shot Thru The Heart

The ultimate pain, the biggest setback, the hardest part, being stabbed in the front, in the back, in the backside! hahaha! XD! Seriously, it's really heartbreaking to find out these things... Why oh why do I always get hurt by the ones I love the most? It's really mind-boggling...

Come on, I've made mistakes, I'm sorry, and sometimes I don't realise it, so please at least talk to me, let me know, instead of ignoring me, trying to avoid me, and talking behind my back, and the worst one as well... Look, I'm still growing, I'm maturing day to day, and I feel I am, but sometimes there are times when I have problems, I feel down, and I act in a certain way that shows me to be otherwise... But I'm not childish all the time... So please try and understand me...

I don't understand, since we're so close, I feel we can talk it out about anything, but why don't you? To me, when we're close, I can talk anything to you, but you can't do that to me? You don't trust me? =(

This year really hasn't gone well for me, except for a few bright moments, I spent most of the year so far chasing lost dreams, trying to make up for last year, reliving all the moments and memories of last year with besties, saying goodbye to my closest friends and family, and trying to get my life back in order... and I'm physically, mentally, emotionally tired, and it's only May! Now I can't wait for Christmas and this year to end... I've had enough...

Yesterday (21st May Saturday) night, I had a prayover, and it was a first for me in a long time... It was so powerful, so great, I cried so hard, and everything seemed to fall into place... I can't say much here, but what I can tell is that it was overwhelming, so much so that when I got home, I cried again... Thank God for everything.. I really needed that...

The thing is, lately with all these problems and emotions, I really am emotional, it's like I keep on wanting to cry but I can't, so to finally let it all out was very reliving... Thing is, now I feel like crying again after being told more things that really hurt me... Great... Look, to you I may seem weak, crybaby, immature, but let me tell you this... I'm in heaps of problems, and I am being as strong, tough and mentally fighting it out as much as possible... And plus, if you think I'm immature, then you yourself are, believe me or not? At least I'm man enough to admit all this, and say this...

If you have been reading my blog (I doubt ANYONE does, but who cares, it's my blog) then you will have seen that in recent months, heck the whole year, I've been feeling down, depressed, and all... I'm trying, and trying my best to rise up again and be happy, but when the problem's someone very close to you, then it hurts and it takes time to recover... Hopefully I'm given that time and space to recover, with the support of loved ones...

This year has been one heck of a year so far... I've been chasing all the past until I didn't realise it's already May, and halfway through 2011... and I keep thinking it's 2010! haha! Oh well... What's done is done... Time to look towards the future...