sure be cool if you did...

"You don't have to keep me falling like this, but it'd sure be cool if you did..."

right now this song is stuck in my head, and you know what it reminds me of? hope that was long lost when I found out you were with him, the night I heard the news my heart literally broke in half, and it was even raining, the emotions are still raw, only now I can face it slowly and start to move on...

I wrote this to her: "if you're reading this, I really thank God I have a friend, a sister like you, someone who's so pure, from the heart, who sees people like me for who they are, who sees the heart and not the looks, and you've taught me so much and really helped me so much in my faith, and most of all just being there for me as a friend, and I have no regrets whatsoever in getting to know you, and you're an amazing person, and you have an amazing partner now that will really take care of you and complete you, and I'm very happy to see that :') may we be friends forever! :D"

right now, I still mean every word I said, but at the same time, it's hard letting you go; no words could describe how much I actually loved you, as someone who would accept me for who I am, and I really saw you as the one, but obviously now that door's closed, and it hurts that it just won't be the same anymore; I don't know, I really feel so different now...

every night my heart would just go into overdrive mode and just think so much about what went wrong, what did I do, everything that can be thought of, there's the facts.. every night it's just so hard for me to sleep, so much running through my mind, so many questions left unanswered...

I really saw her as the one for my future, someone that I could be with and just be ourselves, be open and just be honest with each other, but now obviously that's over...

I still remember the night I heard the news, I nearly cried in front of my house, and until now I still haven't cried it out yet, I really want to, but I can't... does it mean I've already accepted the fact and moved on, or am I still holding on to whatever slim hopes I have to be with you?

the following days were, at best just brushing it aside; at worst, awkward and really just wanting to stay in my room and avoid everyone, I just couldn't face the world with such difficult emotions at the time... even now, I'm still not myself yet, I just wanted to avoid everyone, except my besties, and yeah, just shut myself down from the world...

when he told me that you and him were together, I nearly wanted to cry again, but ended up laughing and just screaming random stuff, but I understood everything that happens, and my bestfriend even hugged me and said "good job, I'm proud of you" and that saved me from being so gutted and down, the fact I could face it and deal with it, no matter how slow or little...

that Easter night just confirmed everything, and that night will always be a reminder of how I let her slip through my fingers, how it all finally ended, how it was confirmed: that I would be without her...

this is the first serious crush I ever had, the most serious one, the most committed one I tried, I really wanted to be there for her, to just care for her, and I did, I just did, without any motives or hidden agendas; I purely loved her from the bottom of my heart, and that's why its just so, so hard to let you go, but I have to, I must, for everyone's good, it's time for me to move on...

this is the first time I ever chased someone and really stayed there for her, but in the end it just wasn't enough... sometimes love just ain't enough...