Donkeytown...

As i listen to this song, it made me think back to memories of 2006, and all the good times, and since this song is about a quiet town, donkeytown, and checking out, and it really suited me now...

ever had a dream where u enjoyed it so much and dreamt about you and your loved ones, and then wake up in the morning to reality, and think to yourself, damn, wish it was true... ever had that moment when you went back in time, and saw the memories that help shape who you are now, and think "wish i can change the past"...

that's the danger of thinking too much, and dreaming too much, for the past is past, and now is the time to make a change, be who you want to be, and lead a better life than you had in the past... what's past is gone, and think that your life now is better than the past...

yeah...

... but it's hard to forget the past... but one thing's for sure, i will never forget all the good times...

ok back to the current times... hehe...

lately this last few days has been really strange, really really one of the most rollercoaster ones i ever had... and crying in class, wow, before an exam, lucky it didnt affect it much, or else i would have been in trouble... hehe.... i don't know why, im a bit emotional, im too big hearted, i care for people too much, till i get easily affected, and really up and down... yea... gotta try and be less caring maybe, or just be strong...

today i had the chance to look back and reflect on the past few days, and yeah it was kinda silly for me to cry, but i mean i cant stand it, if i just keep all those emotions to myself, its gonna get worse, so that's why, the crying released all (or most) of it, and even now i still feel kinda weird, up and down... wow... maybe its the exam blues, coz its less than a month till exam starts, and this time in college, its much more dangerous, so yeah... hope i can do my best! and i slept most of the day coz its so boring being stuck in my room, i cant go out coz my house is kinda messy, under renovation... so boring.. yeah, that's life being a single kid, no sibling to talk to and share your problems..

One of the problems of having no siblings, you cant talk to anyone when u have problems (im not gonna share it with my parents, crazy?!), when u need a friend or company at times, and lots more... gee... oh well... gotta get on with life...

today, i did my assignment, and oh, talked to my friend Jacquelene on the phone, bored kan.. hehe.. tular Aldric too busy, jarang meet him already... i miss my didi Aldric owh... ahaha... bha Jac, jaga2 dia d skul la.. lol.. guess im lucky to meet a didi like Aldric, altho he's busy, still.. hehe... and a nice fren Jacquelene, a really nice person, and jaga my didi at skul (just kidding! hehe...)... just wish i had a family like dat, aldric my lil brother... hehe...

well, that's all i think... after the emotions of the last day and last post, this is kinda considered mild... ahaha...

tata!

Explosion of emotions...

... that just happened out of nowhere around 12.58 pm at Room 18-2 at my college... all the emotions, all the thoughts and all the stress and pressure of the last few days finally took its toll on me, and i just let it all out in painful silence, silent tears dropping down my eyes... And eventually i cried as hard as i just wanted to... The emotions just overwhelmed me... Why is this happening?! Damn...

It all started yesterday, after Accounting test... it was ok, not hard, just be careful, and cautious... after i finished the test, i was resting, and then it just hit me: "dang it, all my friends, my good friends, have gone already, or are going away soon..." and suddenly thoughts just rushed to my head... dang it... then i remembered d past, and all d memories, and then "damn" suddenly there's a big void where the past was, and like i felt so cold and scared, that u know everyone's going away, and you struggle to fathom it, even though u know it and have accepted the fact... it just hit me... and after that i felt sad, and then my emotions was even worse when something happened, that made me feel funny, left out, sad and weird... then i went to the library to get away and calm myself down... my mood was absolutely crazy and down... so i wanted 2 cry at d lib, but didn't, and my fren asked me wats wrong, and talked2 it out, and then ok abit, but the down was still there... and i cried on the way home from class...

Then today, worse was to come... I was kinda sad that my friends were going off soon, tomorrow and next week... then in accounting, i still couldn't understand one particular topic, and kept doing the excercises wrong, and this added to my stress (i know i know such a small thing to stress on, but during the heat of the moment in the class, u will know why...) and also self doubts and thoughts begin to creep in... but before that, a few days ago, suddenly coz of what my dad said, i wanted to shout and scream "why dont i have any siblings?! why am i d only kid?! is it coz u hate little children?!" and i just wanted 2 scream... imagine all these years being d only child... so lonely and depressing... then i just wanted 2 scream again today, but i cant.... so all those culminated with the burst of emotion at class... coz of siblings, studies, friends, my crush, everything... coz i keep on accidentally hurting my friends, and kept getting hurt... im really sorry...

haih sometimes i wonder, am i too caring and friendly till i hurt my friends... ppl say im a genius, but i cant even go through accounting smoothly... i explode too often, so wats d use of being a good person when i end up hurting the ones i love? haih...

hopefully i will learn from all this past mistakes, and as my friends (esp jess my classmate... thanks alot jess... really owe u lots...) advice me and talked 2 me, forget the past, move on, just forget ot, think of now, and think that your life now is better than in the past... yeah...

... but sometimes its hard to ignore or forget the past... it keeps coming back to haunt or disturb you...