From my heart....

if I told you I loved you and I never meant to hurt you, would you believe in a word I say? Would you believed it if I said my life was a mess without you being there for me and being my helping hand? And what if you disappeared from my life, I said that I couldn't live another day without you? That's how much I love you, not as lovers, but as friends... ♥

Broken records

Why do I say that? Because my life really sucks, its like a broken record all over again... same things keep repeating itself no matter how much I tried to prevent it from happening again, no matter how much I change and improve, and find out what went wrong... I always get broken hearted and eventually dumped everytime, and it hurts... no matter how much you forgive and forget, the scars are there... I'm not young anymore, so I ain't exactly got much time to be around, aren't I?

I really hate my life... I'm lonely, miserable, sad, pathetic, useless, unloved, unwanted and seemingly to some people, a burden instead of a gift... I wonder if the things that they say are true, sometimes I just can't trust people and what they say after so many heartbreaks... As much as I try to believe, sometimes I just can't... And I know life's all about this and being tough, being strong, sometimes it can get to you...

I just don't know what to do now, I'm feeling so frustrated, sad, and really hurt in my heart... In times like these I normally turn to my "family", my bro and sis, and my besties, but now it seems that all of them are busy and have no time for me... Although I fully understand... I just wish I can talk to one of them now and just let everything out! But not anyone, it has to be my loved ones, and the ones I REALLY trust... no more random secret spilling... I don't trust anyone easily nowadays anymore... The family list you see on my FB, THOSE are the people I trust, care and love no matter what, this is for sure... =) and some best friends that I really trust as well...

I just wanna talk to them!

Opposite ends....

In one month, I've gone from an absoulte high to an absoulte low... And the most disappointing thing is that this could have been completely avoided if it wasn't for my own stupid actions... I really let my sis down, I really let her down and disappointed her as a brother, and as a family... Not only that, I also disappointed my best friends and put them in an awkward position...

Last month, I was on an absoulte high after camp, and looking more determined then ever to be a better person... But then this happened, and I think I know why it happened... And I guess I'm thankful that this has been a wake up call that I urgently needed, and the good thing is that me and my sis are OK again, although as all things, time is needed...

I just want to issue a public apology to you whom I have hurt and disappointed over the last week, and I want to make things right... It's in the past now, so forget about it and move on... A brighter future lies ahead...

This last month, especially the last week, has been really tough for me... Too many disappointments overshadow the highs and good moments, and right now I need to get my life back on track... It's no use just talking, I have to walk the talk...

I think I really need a break from life now, just a short break away from everyone to reflect on this past month or so, see what went wrong, and do it right... But I just can't have that break... Its one that I desperately need...

No matter what happens, I will always love my family, my sis and my bro, my bestfriends... This is one for you... With lots of love...