Random Thoughts

when all's been said and done, and the story remains the same, who'd you call for your last goodbye? Who'd be the one who will be standing with you when the rest have fallen? When the time comes and the magic disappears, what's left to keep you going? For life is never easy; the challenge is to live the moments when everything seems wrong... When everything seems hard, don't give up; explore those moments that bring out the best in you, rise above the challenges, and don't be afraid to do something completely different...

Just don't give up...

You know what keeps me alive these days? Hope. Hope that something good, something better will happen. Faith. Faith in Him above, though at times it's a challenge. Love. One day that someone will truly love me for who I am. Mostly hope.

It's fair to say I'm not the most brilliant, or handsome, or fit, or rich, or (insert whatever material judgements people seem to care about nowadays), but I am a unique person, there's only one of me, so I should be happy and thankful for who I am, right? Well, some people just don't want to see that, and try to bring me down, either subtly or directly; it's fair to say I'm lucky and blessed that only a few persons are trying to... 

Life ain't easy, but then again it never is, but it shouldn't be this way; someone who try to bring you down in your life.. Anyway, shouldn't pay too much attention to these kinda people, unless they try to harm me physically, then they'll see the "best" of me, I can promise you that...

Sometimes I wish I could blog or write like I used to previously, when ideas seem to flow out like water; nowadays, I can't even muster anything decent and long, and writing songs as well, it's different now... I wrote so many songs between the age of 18-20, and since then, not much... Time to get creative again and start writing...

It's been tough being out of work for a year; my rest year was kinda stop-start, at times showed promise, then ultimately fell short, and I'm kinda pissed with myself for that... Going for my music dreams last year was fine, it was great, but then again it fell short; this year ultimately I'll grab the horse by the saddle and go for it, no matter what people say. 

As for my job hunt, well shambolic is not harsh a word; mostly my own fault, and now I'm working my ass off to rectify it. I just feel like I've been judged enough to be written many books; just because I'm jobless doesn't mean you can look down on me, or keep pestering me; I already have a job waiting anyway, and I am applying to places, heck even shitty ones, I'll take it! It's not for the lack of trying, though.

When I look back on my life, I realised, there's actually more regrets than I'd expected; but most of it, it's too late now, gotta get over it, and some I can still work on... There were many opportunities for me lying ahead; until my camera got stolen, I was working on a few projects, then the robbery left me cold, and I lost some of my work, which wasn't easy, people don't realise that... 

On the flipside, in my life now, I know who my true friends are, and who aren't; it's just the matter of me separating them in my head silently. I really, really am thankful for my bestfriends and loves, don't get me wrong, and I really appreciate times spent with them. It's just other issues which I mentioned above that pisses me off.

There's a song by Jayesslee, called "Failure In Disguise", and it's such a beautiful song, it's one of the small things that keeps me going, keeps me alive now... When the day comes, perhaps you'll hear from me no more.