Here we go again...

Well, here I am again, back to my dear blog, I'm so sorry for abandoning you, when only you can know how I truly feel and just be a good writing place ;) hahaha! Sounds so silly!

Anyway, here we go again, another love pursuit, another wild goose chase? Yes, it's very hard for me to forget feelings that is so strong and true (notice: IS, I still have them) and we're so close, yet I can't even be with you, and I get the feeling we're starting to drift apart, even as friends, not because of anything, but because you found someone else you could trust more than me, even though I was always there for you when you needed someone, but you chose to push me away even though you still wanted to be close to me, and you know how much that hurts? It's so confusing! If you asked me if I had any feelings for you, I would instantly be together with you in a heartbeat!

Words can't express how much you mean to me, I'm really so happy to have known you, yet I get this feeling that it won't work out, and I don't want that to happen, I don't want to lose you, even as a friend, do you know how you make me skip a heartbeat everytime we meet? We're so similar yet profoundly different, it's like I know you, yet there's lot more I DON'T know about you, and I REALLY want to get to know the REAL you, and I will accept you for who you are, no matter what, because you did the same for me, and you know how much small things mattered? That mattered so much to me, to finally find someone who'll accept me for who I am, and I would do the same for you, if you only knew all this...

Whatever you did, no matter how small, I really appreciated every moment, and the small things mattered, you've really changed me alot, made me trust people better, and just be thankful and blessed for everything :') if only I could tell you all of this...

...but I don't know what to do, 'cause I'll never be with you...

Normal service...

Well, besides the last post, life has been pretty good, awesome in fact, and this year I really grew up, yet still maintained that small part of childishness that can be good for life, just a little ;)

I really thank God for placing all my besties in my life right now, near and far away, and I love every one of them so much, and even though some are far away, I really miss them now, and I want to say thank you! It's great and awesome having friends who can accept me for who I am, not keep nagging me about my faults, although I still appreciate that, and I can hang out and spend time with at ease :) and I know I'm really thankful for that!

Studies has been up and down, I'm now in my final year, 2nd last semester, and frankly, it's been hard to motivate myself to do well, keep studying when I'm mentally and emotionally tired, and keep going on, coz a part of me wants to progress and work, get a job and start the next phase of my life, or take a break and rest from everything ;)

This year so far, besides those down moments, has been awesome! Even the down moments teach me to be strong, and have many lessons... so yeah, thank God and praise God! :D

Give Your Heart A Break

(a small note: can't believe I haven't blogged in few months! :O where were the days where I'd just freely blog away all my worries and troubles, or my joys and happiness, well, I'll try to blog more often, but I don't think anyone bothers, so what the heck, just go with the flow!)

MY heart needs a break, seriously, I'm tired of always feeling for someone, or falling for someone, having a crush, and then to end up heartbroken for so many reasons each time, frankly I've had enough, I wish I can just move on, but the thing is with some of them, I see them so often, it's kinda heartbreaking, until lately, when I finally could accept everything that's happened and moved on, and seeing them was just like friends, which was nice, until...

Well, after starting the year saying "I don't want to have ANY crushes, or even a girlfriend this year" and so on, now I have another crush, but this time, she really changed my life, in a subtle way, and she made me feel closer to God and believe more, being a better person, and most importantly, she accepts me for who I am, and every time I meet her, she really makes me happy and just to be with her is the best feeling in the world, and she really is awesome and strong in faith in Christ :) and I'm really blessed to be able to know her, be friends with her and just knowing her, but...

I can't be with her, for some reasons, and right away, all those previous feelings came back, and all the doubts appeared again, and this time I thought I'd met the right one for me, and I really want to be with her, just that it's the wrong time, and it really breaks my heart to not be able to be with her, tell her how I really feel for her, how she changed my life, and the effect she had in my life... If I told her everything, the next thing I know she'd start to avoid me, run away from me, and this friendship will turn to dust...

So I guess it's best for me to keep quiet and just be friends, and stand together in faith in Christ :) and I pray God will find a way for me to move on, with or without her... One thing, I will learn from this no matter what the outcome, and learn from the past, and move on...

Still, I want to be with her :')