What's said and done...

sometimes when I look back and think how we got close, and then fell apart, I actually laughed and smiled at what we talked about, how we could finish each other's sentences and read each other's mind, but at the end of the day it didn't worked out, and actually I'm at peace with that, except for 1 funny question: I wonder if all this time before lately, did she ever liked me or had feelings for me? haha! I guess I'll never know the answer to that... some things are best kept a mystery...

oh wait, I guess I do have 1 regret: not telling her how I felt, despite the strong objections that came my way from my best friend, and yeah, I wish I should have just told her and all, but I understand why also, my bestie didn't want me to get hurt, so at the end of the day, it's good also I didn't told her...

I feel like this time, this past few months, I really made an effort to get to know her better, to really understand if she was the one for me; turns out no, for now... I guess I should really move on... but like I said, I can look back with a smile and laugh about it, and it's good that we're still friends now =) so it's alright...

More than a feeling?

Common sense tells us that falling in love with our best friend can both be beautiful and painful... I thought that I'd have no more feelings for her, that we were just brothers and sisters, best friends, but it seems the feeling's came back, it never went away, and it's threatening to destroy everything that we've done, all those memories, moments we've created. Before this past few weeks, I've been comfortable with the idea that we'd just be no more than brothers and sisters, but lately the feeling which I've tried so hard to suppress and get rid of last year has all came back, and with it all the whirlwind emotions that follows...

I can say hand on heart, she's the person I love the most all these years, I really care for her, and I really love her, and that I'd never want our friendship to end, if it did it would hurt me to no end, I'd be that devastated, because I know it'll be my own fault, all she can do is just react.. I know because of my indecisive feelings, I've annoyed her so much, yet she could bear with it and still be with me, but me being stupid, continued to hurt her again and again, and I feel so bad, and I just hate myself for it...

All I want is a chance to talk to her, heart-to-heart, but what if it'll end up ending our friendship? She means so much to me, more than a sis, I'd hate to lose her, and my heart really loves her so much, she's the closest thing I have to a real sis, and yes, we do have our ups and downs, but I pray that we would continue on...