Explosion of emotions...

... that just happened out of nowhere around 12.58 pm at Room 18-2 at my college... all the emotions, all the thoughts and all the stress and pressure of the last few days finally took its toll on me, and i just let it all out in painful silence, silent tears dropping down my eyes... And eventually i cried as hard as i just wanted to... The emotions just overwhelmed me... Why is this happening?! Damn...

It all started yesterday, after Accounting test... it was ok, not hard, just be careful, and cautious... after i finished the test, i was resting, and then it just hit me: "dang it, all my friends, my good friends, have gone already, or are going away soon..." and suddenly thoughts just rushed to my head... dang it... then i remembered d past, and all d memories, and then "damn" suddenly there's a big void where the past was, and like i felt so cold and scared, that u know everyone's going away, and you struggle to fathom it, even though u know it and have accepted the fact... it just hit me... and after that i felt sad, and then my emotions was even worse when something happened, that made me feel funny, left out, sad and weird... then i went to the library to get away and calm myself down... my mood was absolutely crazy and down... so i wanted 2 cry at d lib, but didn't, and my fren asked me wats wrong, and talked2 it out, and then ok abit, but the down was still there... and i cried on the way home from class...

Then today, worse was to come... I was kinda sad that my friends were going off soon, tomorrow and next week... then in accounting, i still couldn't understand one particular topic, and kept doing the excercises wrong, and this added to my stress (i know i know such a small thing to stress on, but during the heat of the moment in the class, u will know why...) and also self doubts and thoughts begin to creep in... but before that, a few days ago, suddenly coz of what my dad said, i wanted to shout and scream "why dont i have any siblings?! why am i d only kid?! is it coz u hate little children?!" and i just wanted 2 scream... imagine all these years being d only child... so lonely and depressing... then i just wanted 2 scream again today, but i cant.... so all those culminated with the burst of emotion at class... coz of siblings, studies, friends, my crush, everything... coz i keep on accidentally hurting my friends, and kept getting hurt... im really sorry...

haih sometimes i wonder, am i too caring and friendly till i hurt my friends... ppl say im a genius, but i cant even go through accounting smoothly... i explode too often, so wats d use of being a good person when i end up hurting the ones i love? haih...

hopefully i will learn from all this past mistakes, and as my friends (esp jess my classmate... thanks alot jess... really owe u lots...) advice me and talked 2 me, forget the past, move on, just forget ot, think of now, and think that your life now is better than in the past... yeah...

... but sometimes its hard to ignore or forget the past... it keeps coming back to haunt or disturb you...