I just don't know what to do or say...

Sometimes I really feel tired, had enough... I really want to break down and cry again... Why do I always get hurt, especially by the ones closest to me? I love them so much yet one by one something's happening, I start to care for them more, then they slowly drift away, you know how much does this hurt me? Even a simple thing, I want to shake hands but you don't want, to me that hurts... It's like you don't want to be a part of me anymore...

Everyday I feel like giving up, not to say kill myself or what, no I will never, but sometimes I feel like giving up and moving away and starting a new life... What's the point of staying if no one cares? I feel like one by one, slowly no one really care about me anymore, and I'm really hurt... I care so much, I do everything to make them feel good, like family, and some didn't even acknowledge or respond, and just shrug it off... It hurts... OK?

That's why I always have no mood because it seems something must happen without me even doing anything!

Stress!

I think I hit the nail right on the 'ol head when I think, why am I still here? Shouldn't I be out there experiencing new places, faces and trying out new stuff? After all, there's no point in me staying here when people are leaving, left me all alone =( so mind as well fly the nest!

Lately the stress has gone up a notch, until it's been affecting my daily life, and to the point that some nights I just wake up in the middle of the night and find it hard to breathe and so many thoughts, it's just really unsettling... I hate this... It's just come to a point where if it goes any further, I may just quit... I never give up, I try my best, but I just don't want to keep banging my head against a brick wall anymore... I'd rather settle down rather then risking my health... It's no point pushing, I have a health problem, I'm not like the rest of you... I hate it when people criticise me when they don't even know me, what problems do I have, the health issues I have, that sometimes I can't push too much!

Yes, I'm unsettled, I'm not happy, I doubt I'll ever will... Only briefly when I went for a wonderful retreat, and just as I was settling in and having a great time, off I'm back into this mad chaos of daily routines... Crazy, absolutely crazy!