Confusion...

maybe being heartbroken makes it easier to leave this place and go away... this is not running away from the situation, but trying to start a new life...

seriously, I don't even understand myself anymore... ='( and the sad part is, I don't know how long it'll take for me to ever be OK again, maybe never forever...

I used to be this happy, friendly, happy go lucky kinda guy with no sort of worries or pressures, just enjoying life and taking on challenges that really attract me... but now I've become some sort of this recluse, being all to myself, and not being open anymore... I've become more and more reclusive and shy, back to last time...

Take you all the way back then, when I was a shy little kid with a shy attitude, and actually now I'm still abit shy, I don't talk much except to my best friends, then you'll see a different me, talkative and annoying.... hahaha! But yeah, I'm very shy when it comes to people, yet if I wanna talk and lead, I can be brave and different, just as long as they tell me what to do, then I'm confident... but if it's one on one with people, than that's a different matter altogether...

Why I bring this up is because I think my withdrawn personality and shyness has costed me alot of opportunities, to do stuff, to make a difference, because of my shy and timidness... Such as being invited for outings or hangouts... Nowadays I rarely go out except if I bring people out, or my best friends bring me out... That's why now I rarely go out and watch movies, and I'm so outdated, except if I happen to watch that movie or so on... Sometimes if I really get depressed then I would really hate going out because I'm gonna be all alone or no friends, but on the other hand I'm stuck at home nothing to do all alone, same thing... Conclusion? My life's lonely.... VERY...

There comes a time where I hated it, I hated being lonely, and I really miss them, and yet people don't understand... Some people think because I'm shy, that I'm snobbish, I'm proud, etc... Actually I'm just really really shy and don't know what to say... I gotta admit I have to improve my PR skills... The loneliness makes me miss my loved ones more and more, and I wish I can see them now and just forget all my worries... haizz...