Lines on my face...

I am so tired of everything, tired of life, tired of trying to handle and manage my life now, with everything that's going on, one day I may just explode and spill everything and leave, maybe one day when I tell everything then you'll realize how much have I kept inside my heart, how much I got hurt but still I carried on, how much things are going on that no one knows, one day...

Lately these past 2 weeks I realize alot of things that, honestly, made me disappointed and sad, but that's life, I've gotta move on and fight on... What I realize is that when you're down in the shits, no one really cares, whatever they said or promised, most of it are lies, or they have selective memory, or they just don't care... I don't expect anyone to be there on my deathbed anymore or even at my funeral, I'm a realist, and I don't care, why should I when people don't?

If you really mean what you say, you'll do it, get back to me, or even just remember it, simple no? Most of the time, they don't... Also, I gotta learn not to get too attached to someone very close to me, it seems that things aren't what they seem anymore... That's the thing when people grow up; friendships get put aside, they focus on certain things, and that's normal, but if what she's focusing on doesn't include me in her life, then that's it, time to part ways...

Motivation is a very strong thing; too much and it can get out of hand; too little and giving up would be easy... It's not easy to manage it sometimes; right now, I don't feel motivated to continue my current job, and I think now I need a move away to really kick-start my life again, just as I did during SoW... Those 2 months were really great; they were right when they said it wasn't going to be easy coming back... In hindsight, I wish I stayed and continued to discern...

One day this will all come to pass, as George Harrison once sang, "all things must pass away" and one day I won't be here anymore, when is that day, only God knows...