Of Castles and Relationships

I know, the title's pretty lame, and it's a giveaway that I love watching the show 'Castle' and watching how the writer Rick and detective Kate's relationship go on and off through their work... I just love watching the show, how the drama unfolds, how their relationship progress each time, and watching the newest episode was pretty intriguing, yet gave me lots of food for thought... In the latest one, they were talking about moving on and dealing with past issues, and we need to make peace with it and not let it hinder you... I think that's pretty relevant in my life right now...

It's not easy having to face our very own insecurities, faults, and trying to make peace with our past, especially when it's very painful and emotional... I admit, I do have few issues that I need to deal with, have closure, make peace with it and move on... and it's hard, especially when it comes to your closest friends and loved ones... I guess for my part, I really need some closure, at least settle things with some people... There are still few unresolved issues that need to be made peace with, and of course I can't say it here, it's private, but what I can say is that I just can't believe I'm having to deal with this, but then again life's no smooth ride...

To have someone very close to me, for a long time, trying to avoid me instead, and yet showed up in front of my face trying to hide it, is very painful... I know about this, I don't know whether that person know I know... confused? You should be! haha! When I needed that person, when I was in hospital, and miles away from home, that person didn't even care, like I was an annoyance rather than a close friend, which hurts... Look, I chose to forgive and move on, but the fact is that still hurts...

I don't know, ever since these few issues, as I've said in my last post, nowadays I find it hard to communicate with people, trust anyone again, live a normal life, it's like I'm always living in fear, fear of being left behind or betrayed again, fear of being judged every single detail, and I just can't have proper relationships now... sigh... I'm retreating ever deeper and deeper into a shell... One day I'll have to deal with all of this and move on, and I hope I can find someone who trusts me, and I can trust, to help me... I'm ready...