Pearly whites

After a challenging few days, heck month, when all that seemed to go wrong around me did, but what went right as well... Last Wednesday I literally walked out of class and nearly had a mental breakdown, I was just so tired of studying, studying, studying non-stop for a year, and I'm having mental burnouts, and I just cant understand (well, actually I do, but I'm just tired!) and I need a break! this was supposed to be my break, but no, exams are during carolling, and ends just days before Xmas... and how now am I supposed to go balik kampung or have my plans? January I start again, I don't really have a break, do I?

With that in mind, I set off on a long walk alone, trying to calm myself down, figure out what am I gonna do, and how I'm gonna cope, and well, just go with it... I just need some time alone, away from everyone and everything, away from technology and studies... looks like I can't have that, exams coming... what can go wrong, has gone wrong... studies going down, and yet people keep saying "im smart, i'll score" but the truth is, I'm not, I can't, and I need to work harder...

But, what can gone right has gone right too... for starters, I met my old bestie Jiwan, and I'm so happy to see her again, because she's the best friend anyone can have, and anything I can just talk to her and all... carolling practice also has started, and that has lifted my spirits to persevere through this tough times... and Lifeteen Anniversary is coming, I can't wait! A huge part of my life was in that very ministry where I grew up and learnt alot... I'll forever remember and be thankful for them!

Lately, ever since this year, where people that I'm close with have, at different times, had misunderstandings with me, and now I find it very hard to trust anyone nowadays, and I find it very hard to be close with anyone, I'm scared they'll hurt me or turn their back on me the moment I become close and then things fall apart... I want to trust, I want to have proper friendships again, and after that, I just want someone to be there for me whenever I need 'em... Is it so hard to ask?