Halfway home...

It seems that, with all these years behind me, I feel like it's halfway home... So much has been said and done, so many memories that cannot be forgotten, and yet so many more to come, just living day by day has been hard, but it's all worth it...

I now learnt why things happen for a reason... Sometimes we move on so fast that we can't just stop and go back, no matter how hard we try... As in, we've left so long ago that it's hard to come back now and think we can just start over where we left off... No, miles away from that...

A part of me has moved on, a part of me still wishes otherwise and misses it... No matter how much I choose to forget, it will always be a part of my heart, it meant so much to me, it changed my life forever, and I thank God I was a huge part of it... Now the new generation is in place, and I'm so happy to see them progress, learn and journey spiritually together just as me and my friends did those years ago...

The thing is, I feel so strongly for it, they don't know, and they don't treat me like the way they treat others, why? I still don't know, until today I get the feeling I'm not treated as equally as the rest of my batch... I'm not sure... I don't know... What I know is that hurts... To not be treated as the same, I mean I know they were loved back then more then I was, but until now, I don't know... I never spoke out because I respected everyone, and I love it too much to ever say anything...

And that's why I never came back, because it would be awkward and honestly, distant to work with a team that, knowing they would favour others over you, to ever work out... I know myself, I know everything going around me, and also due to my illness, it's harder and harder for me to live this life... I'm not making excuses, I know myself, I know what I'm going through...

I have a problem in communicating and having a proper conversation with people face-to-face, I have a problem in being friendly and open, I have a problem in a group setting because I always want to be heard out when I feel I'm being left out, I have a problem when I'm anyone, honestly... It's because I have something that I cannot say, but it's an illness... Sometimes it appears, sometimes not, so it also affects my moodiness and when I'm able to talk... It's hard, but I have to deal with it...

Just when you think you're in, think again... Just when you think you're close to someone, think again, it may not be the case... Also, just when you think you're out, think again... Just when you think you're drifted away from someone, it may just lead you and the other party closer... So yeah...

Growing up in itself, being mature brings with it different problems, and here I start to see the real world, a mad, mad world, and trying to survive is a big challenge, and I pray to God that I'll be able to survive and then live a good life...