I miss Paramore's RIOT! album, and it's nice to listen to it again... and it reminds me of all the happy memories last time, my last year in LifeTeen... can't believe it's been 4 years since I left LifeTeen, 4 years! All my generation are now already gone, who's left are all the juniors, I barely know any, except my cousin and sister's friends, and that's it... wow... time flies so fast...
Lately, realising something is over before it's even started is, well, honestly, heartbreaking... To know that I don't have a chance is really painful... Emotionally invested, in the end it doesn't make a difference... I thought as the year closed, and as we got closer, at least I had someone, even if she were to only be my friend, whom I could trust, and be close with, and I spent time talking to her on the phone, and texting her, and it seems like everything was going well... And now, we barely talk... I don't know why, ever since I decided I like her, I froze out, I couldn't talk much to her anymore, it seems like I have this fear that everyone hates me, they'll leave me, they'll hate me, etc. and I can't shake this feeling off... And it's affecting our friendship... And the thing is, I don't think she realises this at all...
Yes, I still like her, but I know it'll be hard for me to ever be with her, and I guess she only treats me as an older brother, or friend... In other words, friendzoned! haha! I wish I can talk to her and have a chance to clear things up... It seems nowadays she's very busy, and I hope she's not trying to avoid me... I always have this feeling that people are always trying to avoid me, and I hate myself for this... She's an awesome person, a good friend, and I'll never have anything bad to say about her, it's me that's the problem... I know I annoy you and hurt you, so I'm sorry...
I miss the times we texted and talked, even if it's as friends, I miss that, and I guess I just have to wait and pray...
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