Lonely at the crossroads...

It's been a long, long while since i posted anything up here, partly coz i moved up to Vox, and my Facebook notes.. It wasn't too long ago that this was my main blog, but as time passes, and trends change, shifted to Vox, Facebook, and now I've decided to revive this blog, just out of interest, and because lots of my friends uses Blogspot, and especially my cuz Sammy! haha... yeah, hopefully my 3 blogs will be synchronised...

Lots have changed since my last post here in September 2008, and now i'm 19, older, wiser, but somehow i still feel younger, like I'm only 16... Everytime i visit this Blogspot, it reminds me of the times when I was 16, the moments, the year 2006, it was such a big year, amazing...

Now its April 2009, lots have changed since then, with friends going abroad and over west and south, and new friends aplenty... I'm already in college, left school long ago, and currently midway through... I'm no longer in Lifeteen, sadly, its past the time already, but i'm sure my friends and cousins will learn alot from there... Now i'm contemplating my future, and what it brings...

This year, apart from the RAY Camp, has been a quiet one for me, really strange, a third way through the year, and not many moments normally, compared to years past... And I haven't gone out much also, only once or twice with my friends... I want another outing with my friends and siblings... lol... maybe soon, coz now I'm on holiday for 2 weeks... yeah! exams over! but then, 4th semester of my diploma starts in 2 weeks... sigh... oh well... College life is breezy, ok, but kinda lonely as well...

I wonder if my friends will slowly forget me, especially those that have gone beyond far, and those that I haven't seen for a while... Somehow I didn't envisage this, that now, I'm quite lonely, and no one to hang out with... All also busy or unavailable... And maybe it's the age difference, but my sister seem to forget me or don't bother about me anymore... Last Friday, went to SHC, just to pick up stuff, and she was there, but she didn't even come and talk, just say Hi, and then wander off, and doesn't seem to care... This is not the first time it's happened... And others as well... Was kinda sad... But i kept it to myself, and smile...

Yeah, everytime I'm upset, I either don't show it, hide it and smile like nothing's happen, or show it and don't give a damn, I'm upset, and my mood and expression changes... I'm emotional, I'm passionate, and when something's not right, I show it... It's just me... Sometimes I can be way too caring and nice, but when the time comes, I can be sad and upset... haha...

Sometimes I look back at old pictures from past moments, and wonder, 'gee what happened to that person,' or 'why am I not in touch with that person' and so on... All the group photos apparently are just photos, they're not real sometimes... Funny huh... I'm a loner, I don't have siblings, I don't have a partner, I don't go out at nights, I seldom go out on a trip, and seldom get invited to parties...

All in all, despite all the friends, all the moments, all that, at the end of the day, I'm still alone... Check my phone, no one bother to say Hi or How R Ya or so on, only a few... My FB? Unless I start commenting, no one bother to comment and talk to me... And more... At the end of the day, I'm alone, and I can even guess some people will laugh at me coz of my big size and unsocializable kunun...

In a few years time, I would like to see how will I be doing... If I don't end up at the madhouse, then I consider myself lucky... At this rate, It won't be long before I end up in the docks... Everywhere I go, I always end up alone... If you don't believe, go and see whereever I am... And see all the groups of people, and where I stand... In the middle...

Alone...