Feeling let down and used... again... broken record....

Still thinking about that dream I had, and still the effects are there on me, it was so powerful, so wonderful yet the realisation is so shocking... It was bittersweet...

I'm really emotionally tired, it has been a stressful year and all, one of the most enjoyable but equally one of the most frustrating as well... Being nice and caring does not pay off, believe me... I can't believe I'm so far down the order of certain people now... If they are not with their partners, they're with their friends... When they are bored or they need some help, then they look for me, otherwise they all forgot about me... When I go looking for their them, they don't bother and take me for granted... And its those that are close to me, not simply any friends...

I feel as if slowly I'm being played out and left farther and farther in the cold by my own people, my own siblings, who for instance, never bother to send me a hello or how ya doing and all... I can't blame them, they're not my own siblings, after all I don't have any blood relations... But I felt that they can do more and after all the promises and words that was said, it's kinda letting down...

If you think I'm childish, fine, I won't contest that, coz its true, I admit it, but I'm not childish to a point where I suffer in my studies... That has never been a problem for me so far, and for a point to prove, I got the Merit award in my college with my classmate and friends... I'm also grown up now where I can stop and explain myself for every action, and to justify it... And I hope my studies will continue to do well...

It's hard for me to even get a sibling's moment with them, what else if they're busy all the time? I will just have to wait and wait... Time waits for no men, they say, so there has to be a limiting point, question is when will that be? Everytime I have a moment I want to share, all I can do is share it her to my dear bloggie...When I want to talk about things and just have a talk, only my bloggie is available... What a sad life...

My poor blog, my place to let out my feelings, my thoughts, emotions, everything over the last 6 years and counting... I really love you, my bloggie, coz your the only one who would listen to me and all... Gosh what am I saying?! hahahaha... Yup its true bah... At the end of the day, here I am in my blog... Not with friends, not with my family (they're watching TV outside), not with my brothers and sisters (they all forgot about me suda... haha!), but my blog... Life... Sounds like a broken record rite? Well, that's my life, broken...

Over the years I can't count how many times I've been heartbroken, used, let down and all, really sounds like a broken record... If you all read this and think, haiya broken record betul2, ada saja, then I'm sorry, what can I say? Friends are around to help us up and cheer us up, and if you think I'm a broken record, then I don't know you well...

Wish I can just get out of this place and start afresh, no one knows me, only me against the world... That would be a dream... Reality? One damn assignment waiting and exams in 2 weeks, then 2 months holiday.. At least I have 2 months to plan my next month and settle everything, and hope what I feel above is no longer there...

I guess this is my longest post in a long time because I simply cannot stand my heart in pain anymore, and I have lots to say, so I'm sorry bloggie... =) I have lots to say these last few weeks, and I've been keeping it in my heart so long... Time to let the cat out of the bag.. But no matter what I say, I will still love you all and promise to be friends forever k! <3 I will still love my brothers and sisters no matter how much they may have hurt me or let me down, I will still be there for them until they decide otherwise... <3

Guess that's it... now back to the boring real world...