The nights of wonder...

It finally happened... I cracked... I burst into tears... Confusion... Happiness... Sadness... Regret... Tears flew down all over and there was no one there to be with me, for I was alone... All alone in tears... The best and worst rolled into one...

It started when I went to sleep at midnight, as usual, nothing different.. Then I had a wonderful dream, that was really touching, and it involved my dear friends, bro and sis, whom I miss very much, and seldom able to talk to, and in the dream, I was with them and it was a fun atmosphere, it was really wonderful... For once I felt that sense of belonging, that sense of family, and all, and I really enjoyed it... But then I woke up after I had a short breath... I knew I had to wake up, it was ending, and I was suffering, I couldn't breathe, so I woke up....

When I woke up, it all seemed so real, so life like, but when I turned around and I looked around my room, I knew it was only a dream... I felt so happy, then I started crying, and I felt sad, because I knew that the dream will never come true... So I cried again and again, and it was 1.30 am, i only slept for an hour plus, but I couldn't sleep anymore, I wanted to cry, and just sat blank...

I think all the pressure, all the pain, all the situation in my life had reached somewhat of a braking point... I couldn't take it anymore, I was suffering for too long inside my heart... This cry of pain probably was the burst... I was happy, yes, but upon realisation that it was a dream, it turned to sadness... I really want that dream again, and I want it to come true, because it was what I'd always wanted: family and friends....

This last few weeks has been really tough for me emotionally, and even though I'm doing well in my studies, that couldn't hide the pain I feel inside...

I love you bro and sis, and I hope that this dream will come true... I managed to talk to you, hang out with you, and we talked and talked as if it was really my family... But now I know that will never happen...

Perhaps the only way I will ever feel happy again is to leave this place and start all over again in another town...